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Things That Make You Go Hmmm??...

This is a discussion on Things That Make You Go Hmmm??... within the Venting forums, part of the Feeding the Fire category; God I was bad as at 23 I was still fucking up! TA please do not forget your youngest, please ...

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Old 06-26-09, 09:16 AM   #31
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God I was bad as at 23 I was still fucking up! TA please do not forget your youngest, please consider the needs of this child too. It is a terrible choice you face I know but you know a bit of my and my family's story (happy to share more at anytime) on this and there are two big reasons to put your foot down that I can think off right off the bat 1 Sarah is disrupting the life of your younger child in MANY ways 2 It is making you a mess and then you can not be the mom the younger one needs so she/he is losing out on too many levels. It may seem harsh for me to say but I was Sarah and I was kicked out as a minor which is illegal but they did it,,,they had to.
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Old 06-26-09, 09:27 AM   #32
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Yes I kno you are right and she is 20 will be 21 in Oct....My youngest has already told me that she resents all of the time and attention (even if its negative( that Sarah gets and before that it was my son in trouble alot!

I try to make special time with Katie, we went out of town last wends to a play and are going again Aug 5th to see High School Musical, then again on the 23rd of Sept. to see Joseph and the technicolor coat...we go on a tour bus to a place called the Derby theatre, it was our first time wends and we had a blast...But I know you are right! It's just so hard, I don't kno if I could ever forgive myself if something happened to Sarah after I threw her out!

I've just been talking to Sarah about calling mental health clinic again, I have done it before but she wouldn't go to appt....she says now that she will and that she will not disrupt the house anymore at night and she will not bring druggie friends over with her...talk is cheap tho, she has promised these things before...we shall see...
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Old 06-26-09, 09:36 AM   #33
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TA are you holding some guilt that is impairing the decisions you're making today? My daughter Emily is using past events to try and guilt me into bringing her back to Perth so she can live on the streets again. Its very painful and I feel like shit. My daughter has manipulated me so well over the years.

I guess what I'm asking is does Sarah make you feel guilty as a mother and are you trying to compensate for something in the past? I only ask because of my own experience and to urge you to be very careful about how this affects our judgements and our breaking hearts.

Sometimes, we have to step back and pull all the 'supports' away for the benefit of all.

((((mother hug)))))
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Old 06-27-09, 07:57 PM   #34
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Yes Delta I feel very guilty about some of my pst behaviour...and Sarah knows all to well how to use it against me...as I type I am holding back tears, I have been waiting for her to wake up so I could get some things straight with her and as usual now that she is awake someone is here for her, she is totally ignoring my wishes and I'm about to throw her the fuck out!! I don't know what else to do...she refuses to do a damn thing and the truth of the matter is that she has NO plans to straighten up...I'm at a loss...this hurts so much, God I don't want to lose my daughter but I can't live like this anymore!!

I was so happy to finally get a house that we could all live comfortably in, give her a chance...she doesn't want that, all she wants to do is party!! 24/7 everything all of the time!...I'm so angry right now I'm trembling and I haven't felt this way in a very long time...I do believe it's affecting my health, I know it's affecting my mind!

I wish now that I would have stayed in little apt. at least no one wanted to pile in there...Katie can't even stand to be here right now, this is a disaster and I'm feeling like a failure at everything!!
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Old 06-27-09, 09:16 PM   #35
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when you say you don't want to lose her TA, think about what you mean though ok? at this rate, you will. She is old enough to help herself out of this world without your help and thats the truth. The only thing you can do is not help her. (((hugs on this horrible fear))) but if she is on this track you can support her off it but don't give her the environment to feed it. Stop now as tough as it is, don't be the one to help her destruct - she can do that all by herself. You're already coping with so much besides and your responsibility is to look after your own health and wellbeing - how can you be responsible for somebody else's? You know this is the truth and the guilt is making the situation for you and for Sarah worse. I hate it when this happens but it has to stop for everybody's sake. Do it for the love of your daughter TA. I know you can

Strength.
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Old 06-28-09, 05:27 AM   #36
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Oh God Delta, I threw her out lst night it was pretty ugly and I've been up crying all night!!

Don't know what else to say...
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Old 06-28-09, 06:48 AM   #37
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((((((((Mom))))))))))

Thinking about you
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Old 06-28-09, 09:01 AM   #38
 
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It had to be done..... it's the only thing that's going to get through to her. You've learned from experience that nothing else will.

I'm so sorry sweetheart. I am sure it was very hard for you. You were very brave to stand up to her. I am proud of you.
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Old 06-28-09, 09:43 AM   #39
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Thank you lz, and zoe...I feel absolutely horrible about the whole thing...I know it's the only way, it's just very hard!!...I used to get sooo mad when my mother told me she had had enough of my out of control behaviour and I swore that I'd never be that way with my own children, but it looks like I am having to, it's called tough love and I'm not very good at it...
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Old 06-28-09, 01:40 PM   #40
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(((((((Mom)))))))))

Things will get better it will just take time
Hows things today so far?
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