It's been a while since my last post. I'm not here for support - I need somewhere to rant my anger and frustration other than burdening my husband.
I don't even know where to start. Essentially I don't connect with this world, and now more than ever I feel like I just don't belong here.
It all started the day I walked into my doctors surgery twelve months ago. The woman I was then is still trapped in that office. Of all days to be told I had breast cancer, it had to be on International Women's Day. Oh the fucking irony. I'm still trying to figure it out.
Everything I have been through, the suffering and indignities which I have to live with for the rest of my life as a "survivor" have propelled me to a stratosphere I am struggling to comprehend.
Very little in this world is about human spirit. Love. Kindness. Soul. Just to feel the awesomeness, magic and beauty of this truly beautiful world we live in. Why is it I mostly only feel these things in an oncology ward?
Instead people seem to be centred around ego. Domination. Greed. Violence. Corruption. Propaganda. Destruction. The news is always depressing. Society is so disconnected - I am not saying everyone is, however it is a majority. Then there is media hype/brainwashing and social media plasticity. The utter contempt of Mother Earth. I could go on and on but it's making me feel worse. I mean how fucking hard is it just to be genuinely nice to, and care for, another person?
My life mantra has always been about finding the beauty in everything. The harder I look though, the less I want to see.