Screw being positive...i'm done!
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Screw being positive...i'm done!

This is a discussion on Screw being positive...i'm done! within the Venting forums, part of the Feeding the Fire category; I don't know if its me, I'm that unclear or somehow deserving of everyone's venom. I try to be nice ...

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Old 01-07-09, 05:20 AM   #1
 
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I don't know if its me, I'm that unclear or somehow deserving of everyone's venom. I try to be nice and friendly and honest...a lot that gets you in life if people just throw whatever crap pops in their head on you every chance they get.

To be honest at this point - I don't know if I give a damn anymore. I mean yes I blame myself and say its this disorder or me being depressed or whatever but in reality I CANNOT for the life of me reason how everyone else can be a down-right imbecile about their own behavior?! How the hell are people so damn retarded they contradict themselves so blatantly and have no shame in continuing on their high-horse and denying what they placed infront of me themselves.

The story of my life, everyone wants me to take their shit while no one actually will give the same respect and consideration for what I said to begin with.

You know what from now on I DON'T CARE! I'm done trying to right my wrongs and be the bigger or better person, screw it, its not like anyone gives a damn every freaking person in this planet just sees themself and no one else.

You know why i'm able to look competent to the world and keep a job even if I'm depressed and ready to jump out of it all any minute of any given day...simply put. I TELL THEM WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR.

My bosses, family, friends...anyone in my life who appreciates me and sticks around has done so cause I give them what they want.

IT WORKS PEOPLE becasue they don't care about anything but themselves anyway. You can be a total bi**h and the majority of people will not say anything if its not to them, and those that do will just as likely treat you that exact way a minute later and deny they ever said this sort of behavior was wrong and demean you if you try to say anything. Its me arguing me doing this me attacking...yea right, i don't even give a shit about my own life what the hell will i care enough about to try and actually attack another person about it!?! The only time I even speak about anything is in terms of what a person needs to hear, what will help others and so on....when if ever can i claim i've had the same sort of freakin'consideration thrown my way...RARELY...sadly enough i can count it on my hands...


Only cause they could give a damn if I am recieving jack, as long as I keep giving.

SCREW IT...seriously screw it. I'll die in my little hole alone if I have to but I'm not doing it anymore...I'm freaking sick of every little person who thinks they have a right to be angry or this or that putting it on me, stomping on me, without so much as a second to respond...

and what i'm the evil one?! REALLY - does anyone HEAR themselves anymore?! ANYBODY?!!!!!

Right, just cause I talk a lot doesn't make me the one at fault, cause you know what I can talk for ten years and not do as much damage as others do in one word. If only they'd get that!

You know what I'm really starting to think no one is better, no one is good, maybe i am evil...who knows ... why bother anyway?

Last edited by sybil08; 01-07-09 at 05:23 AM.
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Old 01-07-09, 07:46 AM   #2
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Nobody is better. Sounds like you're tolerance is pretty drained right now. Sometimes I read posts on TTL and think 'Nope! not going there' The reason is because, depending on how I am, I know I can't post what that person wants to hear. I have these moods where I just want to shake someone, nobody in particular and say 'wtf are you doing?' That is my problem though, I guess. I have to realise that people just don't function in the same way as me. Better to look after me and not take on board more than I can handle.

Perhaps if you take some time out Sybil. You're not under an obligation to ensure the improved lives of TTL members. It isn't your responsibility and your happiness should not be dependent upon it.

I'm real sorry if you're feeling at odds atm. I love your threads and I want to assure you that you are a valued member at TTL

((((strength))))
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Old 01-07-09, 08:11 AM   #3
 
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Thanks for the support Delta it means the world to me you don't even know.

I think its the first time anyone has actually interpreted the message I intended as is and defended me. It is definitly the first time (in my life) anyone has defended me...thanks.
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Old 01-07-09, 08:17 AM   #4
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You know other people support you too Sybil. Tell me what you need right now.
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Old 01-07-09, 10:07 AM   #5
 
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Hey just realized how this post looks...and Delta thank you very very much, I didn't need anything but to just get off TTL and cool off, which I've done but thanks again sooooo much.

I know people support me for the record, but I think i've said before, I have a hard time accepting they mean it. I mean rationally I do, I know you all care on this forum and everything, its just when things slap me in the face I don't think to call out in terms of tears or reactions. It doesn't happen. So most times I just say what is on my mind and its very normal I guess so it doesn't ask for support. Does that make sense? at least when something happens. If i'm just angry i don't know what it matters what i say about the anger...

Anyway I was just really mad when I posted this thread and didn't want to post it on the thread i meant to itself cause i knew its not fair ot just unleash anger etc. and especially not on everyone here.

So its clear to the forum I do really value you guys and your input, support, even teh experiences of your own that i've read and learned from, its been really good for me and I appreciate it ALL.

I was angry, I erally simply was angry and did not understand how this happens again, it happens quite simply anytime i feel comfortable or close to anything it feels like a slap in the face. Rushes back memories of every other slap in the face and before you know it all you see is static and white noise...and who remebers their support systems then?

so for everyone in the forum, thank you for being here and 'm very sorry to just throw my mood on everyone today, I just kinda got fed up of always trying to be nice and diplomatic about stuff.

I'm heading home soon and my internet is out so if i don't reply its not out of anger or anything and i'm just really sorry to throw my crap on others. take care guys and sincerely all the best with your own problems (and i'm not just saying that cause I think you need to hear it - i swear on my brother's life - clearly i can't swear on my own and be believed after that message lol...)

nighty night

Last edited by sybil08; 01-07-09 at 10:09 AM.
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Old 01-07-09, 03:37 PM   #6
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Lol. You really have such a wonderful vibrant personality Sybil. You're like a whirlwind of colour that sweeps into a thread and says: 'Hey you! look at this angle' and you put your techno-colour glasses on the bridge of the persons nose and get them to watch!'

Beautiful.

Take what care you need to Sybil. You're the most important person in this drama.

((((hugs))))
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Old 01-07-09, 03:57 PM   #7
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Sorry your feeling so blue Sybil!(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
I know what you mean about telling ppl what they want to hear. I do it quite often around here, just to avoid conflict!
And feeling like others are just dumping on you is a miserable way to feel.
Try to take time to doing something really nice for yourself, and screw the rest!
Feel Better Soon :) ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))
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