I don't know if its me, I'm that unclear or somehow deserving of everyone's venom. I try to be nice and friendly and honest...a lot that gets you in life if people just throw whatever crap pops in their head on you every chance they get.
To be honest at this point - I don't know if I give a damn anymore. I mean yes I blame myself and say its this disorder or me being depressed or whatever but in reality I CANNOT for the life of me reason how everyone else can be a down-right imbecile about their own behavior?! How the hell are people so damn retarded they contradict themselves so blatantly and have no shame in continuing on their high-horse and denying what they placed infront of me themselves.
The story of my life, everyone wants me to take their shit while no one actually will give the same respect and consideration for what I said to begin with.
You know what from now on I DON'T CARE! I'm done trying to right my wrongs and be the bigger or better person, screw it, its not like anyone gives a damn every freaking person in this planet just sees themself and no one else.
You know why i'm able to look competent to the world and keep a job even if I'm depressed and ready to jump out of it all any minute of any given day...simply put. I TELL THEM WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR.
My bosses, family, friends...anyone in my life who appreciates me and sticks around has done so cause I give them what they want.
IT WORKS PEOPLE becasue they don't care about anything but themselves anyway. You can be a total bi**h and the majority of people will not say anything if its not to them, and those that do will just as likely treat you that exact way a minute later and deny they ever said this sort of behavior was wrong and demean you if you try to say anything. Its me arguing me doing this me attacking...yea right, i don't even give a shit about my own life what the hell will i care enough about to try and actually attack another person about it!?! The only time I even speak about anything is in terms of what a person needs to hear, what will help others and so on....when if ever can i claim i've had the same sort of freakin'consideration thrown my way...RARELY...sadly enough i can count it on my hands...
Only cause they could give a damn if I am recieving jack, as long as I keep giving.
SCREW IT...seriously screw it. I'll die in my little hole alone if I have to but I'm not doing it anymore...I'm freaking sick of every little person who thinks they have a right to be angry or this or that putting it on me, stomping on me, without so much as a second to respond...
and what i'm the evil one?! REALLY - does anyone HEAR themselves anymore?! ANYBODY?!!!!!
Right, just cause I talk a lot doesn't make me the one at fault, cause you know what I can talk for ten years and not do as much damage as others do in one word. If only they'd get that!
You know what I'm really starting to think no one is better, no one is good, maybe i am evil...who knows ... why bother anyway?