I felt like writing exactly that on facebook today, but that's tantamount to standing on a pedestal in the middle of a busy street and yelling it to everyone. And I don't want to be like that. And yet, here I am doing virtually the same thing...talk about inconsistency. I guess the context, here, is better suited to such remarks.
So, as the title suggests, I'm not a fan of myself today. I can't help looking at myself (introspectively) and disliking the way I am...the way I've been acting, what I've been saying etc. I haven't even done anything wrong or said anything bad - and yet for some reason I can't stand myself. Has anyone had those days where, without any reason, you just really despise how you are?
I don't know why I'm beating myself up...I have no reason to...but I am...I feel like I deserve it.

Individuals struggling with self esteem or depression typically feel bad about themselves generally, even if there is nothing going on.

It all comes back to this: Is consistent pain to our benefit? And how so? How is feeling bad about yourself benefiting you in this moment?

No, there's no benefit at all, and that's what's the struggle. I tend to think and act logically, and so when I look at the lack of logic in this situation, I attempt to 'transcend' it...or even just see it for what it is - a farce. But even with all of the logic I can manage, I can't help but stay in a state of self deprecation....

((((((((((huuuuuugggggggggsssssssssssssss))))))))) )


AND YESSSSSSSSSS.. all the time.


(sorry for the short post.. but... my mind is..rather..has just gone blank)

see? another reason to despise myself...

Sometimes, logic can feel like strength or power. Maybe even control. Emotions are often portrayed and seen as "out of control." To heal, we must use less logic and more feelings.

Well, it might help when I say that there are benefits to staying in pain. Every behavior has an imagined benefit. For example, if I decide to exercise I expect certain benefits to my appearance and blood pressure. If I eat a delicious cupcake, I expect to feel pleasure. If I desire to punch a wall, I may imagine the benefit of emotional release.

If I am in continual pain due to cognitive distortions and self-hatred, there are unseen benefits. Human beings do not continue with behaviors that have no benefits.

Benefit really means "useful" or "of aid." In other words, how is it useful to remain in this negative state? What am I receiving from it?

Think of the abused woman staying in a relationship. Outsiders would think, what is she doing? What a horrible way to live! But, to this woman, this relationship may bring her comfort and security--especially when it replicates the parent/child relationship of her past. In a way, her parents are immortal.

Does this make sense?

Mmm, it makes sense...although I struggle to see any benefit from
a) disliking myself as I am
b) continuing on in such a way that causes me to dislike myself
It's strange since there is no clear cut reason, no tangible thing that I'm 'disliking' about myself...nothing that I can identify and say "there I am doing that thing again that I hate" and then try to change my ways in future. In being this way, I guess the important thing is to realise, as you suggested, is that because there may not be any benefit, it won't last long?
I dunno

I understand your feelings. I'm not sure why you should be ashamed of confessing your feelings of self-hate to anyone, especially on here. Then again, our culture does not place the emotion of pity in high regards for reasons beyond me.

If you can't identify anything off the top of your head, are you being mindful and really focusing on specific aspects of yourself? Might it be an overwhelming dislike to the environment you're around? Or it could just be general depression as you stated.

You say you are continuing on in a way in which you dislike. You might have a general idea of what you are doing that is troubling yourself. Whenever I experience depression, it clouds my ability to think clearly and see what is causing my negative mood. In other words, perhaps you can find some reasons by focusing through the fog of emotions. You're a logical person, as you've said, so I don't think you would disagree when I say there is definite reason why you are feeling this way.

Last night, my little sister had her school formal, and when it came to the dancing part, I cut loose and behaved like a crazy person...dancing all over the place. And when I finished I thought to myself - this isn't me...this isn't what I'm normally like...I'm reserved, I don't like dancing, I don't like people dancing, I don't lose myself and become something I'm not.
In that instance, a situation where I was probably having fun was converted to a situation where I thought that I should not be having fun.
It's as if I've got standards...purist standards of who I am and how I should be. And when I stray from that, I beat up on myself...