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This is a discussion on kh440's thoughts within the Venting forums, part of the Feeding the Fire category; I disagree that you can't love others if you don't love yourself. There are those of us who put so ...

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Old 05-06-15, 07:16 PM   #21
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I disagree that you can't love others if you don't love yourself. There are those of us who put so much of ourselves into others that we just don't have anything left to keep for ourselves.
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Old 05-07-15, 01:10 AM   #22
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I'll go with that. Sometimes those people know or have the capability to show love. Whether they truly love themselves or others can be in question.

They also did not take account narcissism or people who don't know how to love others but themselves.

How is your dog doing?
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Old 05-07-15, 04:23 PM   #23
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Story of my life: put so much of myself into taking on other people's burdens while my own problems get put off there's nothing left of my time or energy so in the end I wind up extra screwed up.

The pinhead is okay. Another checkup up for his coughing and wheezing attacks tomorrow but I told him two packs a day was excessive for him!
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Old 05-08-15, 03:52 PM   #24
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For some people the worst thing you can have....is hope.
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Old 05-10-15, 12:35 PM   #25
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Your dog could always switch to Cuban cigars lol.

On a random note. That lady that is making you feel hell (unless I am mistaken) is such a ______ So sorry but I am ticked off of how others take advantage of others just because they have it wrong in their own lives or whatever.

I have heard and read about how e.g. people waiting around for someone who doesn't seem to care or have the need for an entourage to abuse. Right now just livid, really livid.
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Old 05-10-15, 11:00 PM   #26
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Well, have to stick with Hondurans for the time being since Cubans are still contraband for now.

I don't take offense to your characterization of her either. I can probably guess how you chose to fill in the blank. Witbout going into a long assed story that has been touched on in some of my other posts/whineapaloozas the bottom line is she is in one of three places.
1: genuinely so mixed up she really doesn't know what she wants.
2: she does know, she also knows it's standing right in front of her and she's scared sh*#less because of her history
3: she knows and she just doesn't have the onions to tell me once and for all.
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Old 05-11-15, 02:21 AM   #27
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That is one big migraine right there!

Other guys would say "OK Pass" or "Next"

She is indeed too lucky. Then again does she have many options too or think she does?

I don't know I'm used the direct "oh baby do me" or "sorry try again" type deal. Usually when people have said I'm too chicken shit to try the interest is not strong enough or just an excuse.

It would be pretty awkward if someone was genuinely interested and had PTSD about it at the same time.

You could always try to walk her through it but you got your limits too.
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Old 05-11-15, 03:21 AM   #28
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It's what has been happening with my friend for the last 5 years, ever since she was raped by 6 men. Not that things were all well before that with her abusive family and the various other forms of trauma that have occured since haven't helped.

Dealing with someone with depression and PTSD, especially from sexual assaults if you are trying to be in a romantic relationship is a long and painful road. Long term progress can be made but not without major bumps along the way.

Until the child services were involved and she could no longer move, I offered her a way out of her problems, I offered it many times over the years but she rejected the offer everytime. Once, she told me she was afraid I would abandon her and she wouldn't know what to do. She was more afraid of that than of the health problems malnutrition was causing her, more than being homeless and more than having to resort to prostitution when I couldn't afford to help her out financially. Maybe things would be different now if she was offered the chocie again now that I've lived with her for a certain amount of time but it's simply no longer an option...

Sorry if I derailed your thread... It's just that I can relate; Been going at it for 6 years, Hope you get a better resolution than I have and that it comes quick.
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Old 05-11-15, 04:51 AM   #29
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^ most likely you haven't derailed but improved upon it especially if you both can truly relate and if you know the full story or understand it better. Why are you apologizing LL? If you know something definitely speak up.

My apologies as this is information I have not actually known before.

Again sorry about that KH & LL. I should have asked more questions first.

The crowds that my former friends were associated with have actually pulled those stunts before. Also again not many people would be willing to deal with much.
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Old 05-11-15, 03:11 PM   #30
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No need to apologize lucid, if anything I appreciate hearing the experiences of others and I do see some parallels between yours and mine. So far as I know PTSD isn't an issue with her, but can't rule it out either. She has had a rough life literally from the day she came into the world, and not all of it because of choices she made either. She is finally in therapy and someone is finally adjusting her medications after years of neglect but some days are still harder for her than others in terms of just getting through without breaking down, and for a long time her way of "dealing with stuff" is to just sweep it under the rug, go hide behind her "wall" and hope it goes away on its own and you know what they say about bad habits being the hardest to break. I would have to summarize our current status as she runs hot and cold (or at least lukewarm and cold): it's like she needs me, every once in a while she kinda sorta almost acts like she maybe just might even want me, then shuts down for a bit.

So, why have I not mustered up the marbles to say something that end with "and the horse you rode in on"? My shrink can't explain, my priest can't explain, and I damn sure can't explain. There is no logical reason why after all this time I have endured the things I have, and still do. Felt almost at first sight that she wasn't just one in a million, she was once in a lifetime. Even with everything that has happened between us over all these years that feeling never has gone away. Living in faith or living in denial? You tell me!
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