No need to apologize lucid, if anything I appreciate hearing the experiences of others and I do see some parallels between yours and mine. So far as I know PTSD isn't an issue with her, but can't rule it out either. She has had a rough life literally from the day she came into the world, and not all of it because of choices she made either. She is finally in therapy and someone is finally adjusting her medications after years of neglect but some days are still harder for her than others in terms of just getting through without breaking down, and for a long time her way of "dealing with stuff" is to just sweep it under the rug, go hide behind her "wall" and hope it goes away on its own and you know what they say about bad habits being the hardest to break. I would have to summarize our current status as she runs hot and cold (or at least lukewarm and cold): it's like she needs me, every once in a while she kinda sorta almost acts like she maybe just might even want me, then shuts down for a bit.
So, why have I not mustered up the marbles to say something that end with "and the horse you rode in on"? My shrink can't explain, my priest can't explain, and I damn sure can't explain. There is no logical reason why after all this time I have endured the things I have, and still do. Felt almost at first sight that she wasn't just one in a million, she was once in a lifetime. Even with everything that has happened between us over all these years that feeling never has gone away. Living in faith or living in denial? You tell me!
"Sometimes it's better not to touch your dreams."