Would you rather that you'd never known?
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Would you rather that you'd never known?

This is a discussion on Would you rather that you'd never known? within the Troubled Loved Ones forums, part of the Depression Forums category; Please,I don't know if this is off topic or not,I'm new here,but I'm depressed and I have only two friends ...

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Old 12-13-09, 08:24 PM   #1
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Please,I don't know if this is off topic or not,I'm new here,but I'm depressed and I have only two friends in the world,I love them,I really do.

Now,they accept me even though I'm not great to be around when I'm mopey and saved me from a suicide.

One of them was my girlfriend for over a year,I know it's ridiculous and stupid to say this,but I love her,I really do,I don't believe in love,really,especially not teenage love,but I love her,she broke up with me because she was under so much pressure,I went through a very bad spell and telling her took so much out of her,she stayed up with me until five in the morning talking me out of suicide,she was there for me and she really cared,but I abused her love,eventually she got tired of all the stuff and left me,we're still friends and all,but I want more than that.

I've been having thoughts of suicide and I know she's the only one who'll listen and be willing to talk to me about it,but I couldn't do it to her,she did so much for me and I couldn't possibly ask for more,but I'm afraid of what I'll do if I can't talk to her about this stuff,she told me to get professional help because she can't take it,it's too exhausting for her,but I can't becuase my parents would never pay for it or allow it,they don't believe in depression as a real illness and I've inherited their beliefs,I just think of it as a personal failing,I have no problem with others being depressed,specifically me.I'm doing my best to contain myself but... I don't know.

What I want to ask is would you be happier to believe your loved one was fine and that you had helped them permanently and that they were content with professional help or to find out they were suicidal and had been lying to you for 5 months about getting therapy and that they have feelings of romantic love towards you that are not reciprocated,and that they may always be dependent on you?

Consider the first option carefully though,you don't know what that they're sad,you think everything is perfect and it's gone forever,imagine how tempting that is,but there is about a 10% chance of them committing suicide,please be honest,reply with your heads,not your just hearts.

Thanks in advance.
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Old 12-13-09, 08:25 PM   #2
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The other friend isn't an option because she told me long ago that she'd reached breaking point with me.
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Old 12-18-09, 02:51 PM   #3
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Alright,I told her,she told me she hates me for this. :(
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Old 12-23-09, 06:48 PM   #4
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Im so sorry to hear that, i hope things turn out good in the end...honesty is always the best option, i hope she realizes that you letting her know was a good thing, and doesnt stay angry.
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Old 01-02-10, 12:44 AM   #5
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I'm confused as you are takling about both your gf and yourself.

All I know is that as much as a fucked up nightmare as I am for people to love, they love me nonetheles. And I feel some debt there. And I think it important to not fuck them up by leaving them worring if they could have or if they'd only.

I think sometimes that I am an asshole for letting them come to love me at all; I can't think of anyone who is better off for having me in their life in a meaningful way.

Regardless, there are enough poor bastards who'd feel like shit if if I snuffed it who don't need anything more on their plate that it'd just be too selfish to not suck air. And I've got a little strength yet.
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Old 01-22-10, 09:28 PM   #6
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Thanks,but this one is kind of resolved,public humiliation for trying to press my feelings upon her.Yay.

I said I'd been feeling depressed and she tore into me,it was a bus station and she didn't keep her voice down,people were looking at us,particularly me disapprovingly,I burst into tears in front of everyone and she started screaming more about how selfish I was being and then I had to just literally run away.

Last contact with real life successfully severed.
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