Worried about my boyfriend
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Worried about my boyfriend

This is a discussion on Worried about my boyfriend within the Troubled Loved Ones forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. I started dating my current boyfriend a few months ago. (We're ...

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Old 04-20-16, 02:12 PM   #1
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Default Worried about my boyfriend

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.

I started dating my current boyfriend a few months ago. (We're gay, in case it's relevant.) We got on so well, had loads in common, similar outlooks on life, similar likes and dislikes. Both introverted, both not interested in clubs and stuff like that. We fell in love and thus ensued the happiest period in my life so far. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's the only person I've ever really loved.

About a month ago, he became very depressed very suddenly. He has a history of depression, but he hadn't had a major episode like this in a few years. He withdrew from everyone, stopped talking to his friends, and for ages, I was the only person he willingly spoke to. He feels completely numb, and at this point he doesn't think he feels very much for me anymore, if anything. Not because he doesn't love me, but because he can't feel anything at all.

He says he's sick of feeling numb, but at the same time, he's absolutely against getting help. He just won't, and nothing I say will convince him that it's a good idea. I just don't understand it - mostly because I suffered from depression in the past, and it was admitting that I was and saying that I was sick of it that made me see my doctor about it.

I'm just confused, afraid, and most of all terrified that this is going to lead to the end of our relationship. I know I can't make him feel better, but is there anything I can do at all? :(
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Old 05-01-16, 09:16 AM   #2
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Hi weatherbeatensail

It is confusing and scary, isn't it? It's a hard thing when you found how much the doctor helped you, and of course you want that for your boyfriend too. But all you can do is suggest - the rest is up to him. Maybe in time, he might make that decision for himself. Sometimes too much suggesting can feel like pressure. I know it's hard to know what to do. I've read a lot of threads here, and it seems like 'just being there', and listening, are the 2 most suggested things. I know the feeling of wanting to do more, though .

Will he even just let his own doctor know? Not a psychiatrist, just his own doctor who he's familiar with? Or maybe a forum like this could be suggested? Someplace to express his feelings and thoughts?

This is hard, and your fear is that he might push you away, which is possible. It's good that you came here for some answers and support for yourself . How have things been since you posted this?

PD
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Old 05-02-16, 12:23 PM   #3
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Aw thanks for replying, PrairieDawn!

Things have changed a little since I posted. I still haven't seen him (it's been two weeks since we were last together), but we've talked a lot. The help situation is a little more complicated than I thought. It's not that he doesn't want to, he just can't right now. The reasons why are extremely complicated.

We've moved on a little bit, in that we've opened up hugely to each other. This numb feeling has happened before, and the romantic feelings didn't come back. Things are different now tho, in that we're being totally honest with each other about how we feel and what we want. Whereas before (as in, the last time this happened to him), he was keeping this largely to himself. Talking about things is always the best way forward, I find.

I'm obviously still hugely afraid that things won't work out. But I've let him know that I think it's worth risking that because it's possible that things will work out. And when things were good, they were just incredible.

I'm trying to find things he can do to help himself to recover. Is there anything you (or anyone else who's reading this) can recommend?

Last edited by weatherbeatensail; 05-02-16 at 12:28 PM.
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Old 05-06-16, 05:21 PM   #4
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Okay, that's good that he explained about the doctor thing. Having more information is always a big help. Keeping those honest communications going is also so important, so I'm glad to hear that :) I think your boyfriend is lucky to have you .. you sound like a good positive presence in his life.

Have you asked him what he would like or need you to do during this time? Other than asking him, I suggest looking up things like "how to best support someone who is going through x", or something like that. I do that all the time :) Lots of great information out there. There are also some good books for loved ones who are supporting someone with depression.

Keep us posted on how you're doing
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Old 05-08-16, 08:26 AM   #5
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Right now, I'm just trying to be here for him. I've seen him only once in the last month, so I hope I can spend some time with him again soon. I'd love to be able to cuddle him, and just let him know I still love him. I hope I am a positive presence in his life - he has enough negative influences as it is...

Most of the guides like that seem to be written with people who can still feel love and attraction, and things like that, in mind. If all positive emotions are gone, that's not much good.

I think he's realising he needs help from a professional, so I'm going to support him until he does. Every single day. And even after that! If you love someone, it's impossible not to.
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