will my depressed ex get better?
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will my depressed ex get better?

This is a discussion on will my depressed ex get better? within the Troubled Loved Ones forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I was with my ex for almost half a year. At the start, we were both very happy and totally ...

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Old 07-27-16, 03:22 AM   #1
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I was with my ex for almost half a year. At the start, we were both very happy and totally in love, convinced that we had found our soulmates. He was the sweetest nicest kindest person I know and I have NEVER felt that way about anyone before. But 3 months into the relationship, he started getting a lot of stress at work and suddenly went Ďblankí one day after a major work issue. We went to a psychiatrist together the following week and week after week the meds didnít work and kept changing. During this time, I was very skeptical about the effect of meds as I have read that they may cause people to become more depressed or suicidal.
During the time he was taking the meds, he would often say that he was getting blank and feeling dead like a zombie and even short term memory loss but I thought the depression was making him dwell on just the negative things and that it wasnít so bad. It was my fault for being complacent even when he said he started getting loss of emotion and inability to feel for anyone, even friends and family.
Things were still good and normal between us, or so I thought. One day he just suddenly told me he didnít feel like he loved me and that he has been faking it on certain days and he felt really guilty about it. This was after he stopped meds for about a week. I reacted really badly to it and walked out of his house. The next day I decided I wanted to be with him through the depression and see if itís just the depression speaking or if he really doesnít love me. He was adamant on taking a break and kept saying he felt very guilty. Throughout this time both of us were crying and I told him I would wait for him.
The following day he said he remembered what we were like and wants to have a go at the rs again, but the next day he broke down again saying he felt guilty and couldnít do it. The issues he mentioned was mostly guilt for not being able to feel for me and dragging me along with him in his bad situation and not being able to make me happy. Since then he has been taking meds on and off, but his condition seems to have gotten worse, including feeling blank, short term memory loss, brain fog, cognitive issues and even increasing suicidal thoughts.
It has been 2 months since we broke up and I am heartbroken not only at the fact that he is pushing me away but also that I canít be with him through all this. Initially he would accept that I was waiting for him but recently he suddenly texted and told me that he didnít want me to wait because he felt guilty and stressed out by it. I told him I wouldnít since it makes him feel worse and honestly I am almost losing it as well.
Sorry for the long post but I would like to know if anyone here has been through this situation and what the outcome is like? Do you/your partner eventually get better? I donít understand how this can suddenly happen but his family has a history of depression as well. I want to hold on silently but I don't know if it will be good for either of us.
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Old 07-31-16, 10:37 PM   #2
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I've not been through this, so I could be the last person you want to listen to. But I feel your pain. I commend you for trying to help him through this, but you can't force him to accept your help. Nor would you want to. He wants you to free him; I think you should give him what he wants. He's dealing with a lot, and he's said it stresses him knowing you're waiting. It's obvious you love him. Ease his burden and let him go.

Letting him go doesn't mean the two of you will never be together again nor does it mean you'll start a relationship with someone new next week. It simply means he'll have the space he needs to heal; and so will you.
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Old 11-03-16, 12:37 PM   #3
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Don't hold on.. completely walking away may be the best thing to happen to you and him (at least it was the best thing that happened to me). His mind is in a confused place and playing to his uncertainty would only confuse it more, and yes it will lead you to losing yourself in the process and you'll likely hold envy down the road.

My girl left me in the same state, I remained uncertain for some time and never really knew what I wanted.. eventually she started losing it, then my depression got worse realizing this, but I still remained uncertain. After 6 years of counseling, and all kinds of tricks.. her finally walking away and moving on is what helped me to wake up from my mental coma.. and although it was tough (weeks of begging, pleading...) my reality soon changed and my mentality evolved (as did hers). Let life run it's course, it has a healing structure of it's own. Give him the space, and explore your own now. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

Best of luck to you.
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Old 10-06-17, 09:07 AM   #4
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I am currently in the exact situation as you and completely understand the struggle of contemplating whether the thing you really do not want to do, letting go and moving on, is the right thing to do for you both. I even received the text to say maybe I should think about moving on as it is an added stress, just the other day. Every bone in your body wants to grab them and tell them you're not going anywhere and it's okay but what I have found with my own ex (which I hate to refer him as so much!) is that they have a need to know its okay within themselves or he feels useless. I hope it at least comes with a tiny bit of reassurance that you're definitely not the only one going through the toughest time. I'm trying to look at this time apart to build and grow stronger and that will hopefully only make the relationship stronger in the future. Fingers crossed it does come to that for you. X
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