Hey all, been a while since I posted on these forums but something happened to me Thursday before last that I need to say. Need to talk about but cant seem to talk to my peer.

First of all I live in Japan, near Tokyo. My friend and myself are in the Air Force and thats part of why this is very difficult. But we went out that Thursday like normal for some fun at the bars and like every time I see her she is by far the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She is always smiling and seemingly very happy so that night we never questiond why she kept saying to us "I love you and please dont ever change". At around 3 am I walked her home and she gave me 3 books that I loved in her collection, she gave me a reason so I didnt think anything of it but it was a trigger that should have gone off in my mind. I went back to my room and the next day I find out that she is in the hospital.

It turns out that after I left her room she [edited] to attempt suicide. I didnt find out untill around 6 pm that night so I had no idea she was in the hospital all day. When I found out I wanted to go see her very badly but visiting hours were over and to top it off I was the last person to talk/see her before she attempted suicide. It was crushing that I didnt see it, ive personally attempted suicide in the past and I know what kind of pain it takes to attempt something so harsh and I feel like I kinda failed her that I didnt see it comming.

So the very next day the Air Force flew her out of Japan and to Travis air base in california where she is today. I saw her off on the plane but only got to see her for a few minutes before she flew off. Now were all waiting for her to come home after she's done getting help in california but know ing she has these problems and only getting to see her for such a short time after she attempted is killing me.

I love this girl so much and I miss her deeply, she is one of my very best friends on base. She's comming back in a few weeks so I know i'll get to see her again (thank god) but I cant help but feel so depressed while i'm waiting. Dont get me wrong, i'm super happy she's getting help now and when she gets back she will be getting all the support in the world but it's just killing me that I couldent help...

Thanks for listening if you read this wall of text, I really needed to get something off my chest on the subject.

I hope when she comes back she still has the gorgious smile I'm used to seeing..

Gauron 7: thanks for posting. It touched my heart to see what you wrote. If I may, just try and leave your guilt ´behind and be happy that your friend is coming back. Try to make the best of it - afterall your best friend is still alive. I hope you can encourage her in a really good way. I have lit a candle for you and your friend. Steven

i'm so sorry this happened to you and your friend. but i hope you can forgive yourself. blaming yourself for not seeing it in time is really common, but it isnt.



<3
MK

Thanks. But I just found out today that she will not be comming back. Shes staying in the states..... It's prolly for the best but leaves me blank..

i'm very sorry. -hug-

<3
MK

I am very sorry as well. Sometimes life seems so unfair : (