Possible abuse situation involving one of my best friends
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Possible abuse situation involving one of my best friends

This is a discussion on Possible abuse situation involving one of my best friends within the Troubled Loved Ones forums, part of the Depression Forums category; So a few years ago I met this amazing girl at a job I was at at the time long ...

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Old 04-04-20, 11:28 AM   #1
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Default Possible abuse situation involving one of my best friends

So a few years ago I met this amazing girl at a job I was at at the time long story short she was taken at the time When I accepted that but my heart still burned for her because she was so kind wonderful and amazing with a great heart but since I knew it couldn't happen at the time no never told her we remained great friends til we no longer worked there

Closer to the present we reconnected on Facebook and had the same great conversations then some of her statuses got troubling I msged her asking if she was ok

she replied

I was in abusive relationship it's over
I was really sad to hear this she was the best friend I had at that job she got me through some of the worst times this was something she did not deserve in the least I wanted to hurt someone just hearing that

these feelings were quickly followed by a rush of happiness because she was out of it and she was ok

We kept in touch and talked more frequently and conversations then started to lead towards the past through no intent or agenda whatsoever it slipped out that I had feelings for her in the past

She said she "kinda knew that" but I never asked her what gave me away or anything it was clear she was flattered and we had good laugh about it (as in catharsis between good friends not at my expense) later I even tried asking her out for friendzoned moved on the way she did it was so kind it even gave me confidence to talk to other girls I was interested in we continue d out friendly conversations with me expecting nothing and sometime later she changed her fb to in a relationship with no details or mention of the name of her new bf an alarm went off in my mind but I was afraid if I asked she'd just think I was jealous her fb updates seemed normal so I stopped worring and we continued to talk and then yesterday this happened

she posted a status something about

"Post a photo if you love your special person" for positivity or something I'm not going back to it to find out and the photo she posted was an old one

If her and her ex be who she was with when i met her!!

In between this all starting and now she had a brief encounter with someone she met after me which she shortly ended but this still resulted in a baby

The alarms in my head were screaming now...

Is she back with someone who abused her? With a newborn baby who is not his added into the mix?

Every instinct I have told me if I did not ask about this is be a terrible friend or worse something would happen to her and that baby and I would have done nothing to prevent it when I had the means. I was not going to live with that

I sent her the following message

I saw the post where you said "if you love your special person post a photo" and the photo you posted was of you and your ex

I am not jealous
After this message I will never bring this up again you have my word as a gentleman and as your friend
I am writing this because I care about you as a person not as a crush

When you made that one post and I asked if you were ok you said you had just gotten out of an abusive relationship

Heading that you had been in one in the first place made me sad

Someone so kind energetic and wonderful

But then I was happy it has gotten out of it at that moment I had had NO PLANS AT ALL to mention that if liked you in the past I was just happy you were ok

And now you have a beautiful baby

He's lucky he has the most amazing mom a kid could ask for

If you are sharing that life with someone

I hope that person is making you happy treating you lit the goddess you are and not in any way abusing you

You're not back with your ex are you?

I am looking to gain nothing from asking you this and once I hit send i will never speak of your love life again

I wish nothing for you but safety and happiness please respond ASAP

A friend who will always fight for you,
I got this as a reply
I am happy and safe and so is my beautiful baby. Thank you. I know you are a good friend and have been for years thank you for checking in on me. I appreciate the concern.
I do not believe she is hiding anything YET but notice in her reassuring she did NOT really answer my question about wether she is back with her ex or who her mystery BF is

Well this was her status this morning
My phone is going to be off for at least a month starting tomorrow. FYI Contact [NAME REDACTED] if you need me 💙💛💚💜
That name I REDACTED is indeed the name of her ex bf

She is back with him

I have to call hope of us being together months ago

I am talking to another girl as we speak

I am writing this only out of concern for one of my best friends in the world

I will NOT let anything happen to her or that child I will spend every breath I have to make sure they are safe

I know abusers sometimes change temporarily and relapse i wont let them become part of those statistics

That being said after everything I gotta be discreet now or I'll just sound like a paranoid jealous spurned lover which I swear on my life I am NOT

What do I do
Nomoremrniceguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-20, 07:07 PM   #2
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I think you should just keep being friends on Facebook and otherwise move on with someone else. I agree she’s in a mess but she has to leave when she wants to leave. She will probably go through hell before she leaves him and she might never leave him no matter how bad the abuse is. She obviously loves him. It doesn’t make sense I know. Hope this helps.
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Old 04-04-20, 09:38 PM   #3
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Well its.like I said in terms of romance I HAVE moved on I just don't want to see her hurt is all
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Old 04-06-20, 09:38 PM   #4
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Has this been marked as resolved or something because it isn't a woman and child may be in danger
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