Need some help with my wife...
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Need some help with my wife...

This is a discussion on Need some help with my wife... within the Troubled Loved Ones forums, part of the Depression Forums category; So, I'm new here. Please bear with me. Me and my wife have been married for around 4 years now. ...

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Old 12-24-08, 03:32 AM   #1
 
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Default Need some help with my wife...

So, I'm new here. Please bear with me.

Me and my wife have been married for around 4 years now. We suffered a pretty bad seperation a few months that was a long time comming, after a few weeks of that, we got back together and things were never better! we still had problems, issues, but who doesnt? we were both working towards solutions.

After a month or so of being together, I had to go out of town for 12 days. I got back in for one day, and everything seemed fine. In that one day, we made love, she prepared a suprise for me, it was wonderful! after that night, I went out of town again for 4 days.

That is where things get weird. After 2 days of my 2nd trip, We were on the phone and she told me she felt she was feeling distant, probably because I was out of town. But when I got back, things only got worse. We haven't had sex in weeks, She is saying she doesn't know if she is in love with me, and she feels that I would be better off with someone else, I should leave her.

I know she feels bad because were talking about moving for here career, and she thinks I have too much going on here now to walk away. But I've told her that I made a lifelong commentment to being with her, and I intend to keep that promise. She's also stressed out because she's applying to graduate schools.

I'm scared I'm going to lose her again. We've got an appointment booked for next week with a marriage consoulor/social worker, but I have a feeling she needs more to focus on herself than our marriage. Is she just falling out of love with me? She says she knows she is down, and she'll get help if it gets bad enough, to which I respond, with her marriage falling apart, isn't that enough? She says she needs me to wait, and see what happens, she still wants to be in love with me, and be my wife...but if I need to walk she'll understand...

Sorry, that last paragraph was more therapy for me!

Thanks for reading..
Russo
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Old 12-24-08, 07:25 AM   #2
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it sounds like she's got alot to think about, alot going on in her head, it may be clouding her thoughts and she might be a bit hard to reach right now. I'd say give it some time and give her your support. Sorry if I couldn't be of more help.

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Old 12-24-08, 08:04 AM   #3
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It sounds like she wants to take the new job and move but feels extremely guilty about wanting it. Her giving you "permission" to leave is a way for her to get what she wants but to avoid the guilt. I wouldn't worry about the sex, yet. She's got alot of other things on her mind and it's hard to be lovey when you're worried about other things. I guess all you can do is reassure her that you're with her and you want to move forward with her, no matter what.

My bf and I relocated for my job. He doesn't work but had to make a lot of changes due to his health. It was a very stressful time but we've got things under control now. As much as I don't like Dr. Phil, I do like one of his sayings "What can I do today to make my marriage better?" If you're positive and believe in your marraige, I'm sure things will work out :)
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Old 12-24-08, 04:41 PM   #4
 
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Thanks guys, I know I won't get hard answers, because they don't exist. I'm just freaked out. I'm trying to be positive and not bring up our issues to much, I feel sometimes that I'm berating her for answers...

This is just really hard.
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Old 12-28-08, 02:19 PM   #5
 
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It sounds like a very difficult situation. There are so many "life-changing" things happening or potentially happening, that I'm not surprised that things are stressful for both of you at the moment.

Does your job take you out of town a lot? Physical absence can certainly play a huge role in "feeling distant".

It sounds like she's confused, and doesn't know what she really wants. She wants to be with you, but also is facing major decisions that she's uncertain about. She sounds a little low - things like "you'd be better off with someone else" are things I used to say when I felt really down. I felt like I didn't deserve anyone. So, maybe that's adding into things too, making it harder for her to think clearly about the choices ahead of her.

Marriage counselling is a good idea, and a great way to get both of you talking together about the real issues. Give it a go, and see how you get on with it.
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