My "partner" feels nothing
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My "partner" feels nothing

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Old 12-16-16, 01:44 AM   #1
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Default My "partner" feels nothing

Hi, this is my first post on this forum after reading many other's posts and the wonderful advice offered to them.
I have been in a very difficult situation for the last year with someone I love, who once loved me the same. It's very hard to describe our situation without sounding conceited; I don't and never have blamed him for how our relationship has turned out.
We fell for each other very quickly, and very intensely. He has battled depression for the last seven years, and he had told me that being with me he was feeling nothing like he ever had before. A staunch, military-family-raised man was brought to tears of happiness more than once at realising that he had achieved and maintained the feelings he'd convinced himself he was incapable of.
One day, without warning, he broke off our relationship. For the last year, I've not stopped loving him and as a mutual decision we have been working together to try and get back what we had. He is "trying to be the way he should be". He says the reason for breaking it off was because he feels nothing, for anything. He describes himself as empty, and while he won't admit it I know he feels guilt for not feeling able to offer the care and love he wants to for me, even though all I want is to offer him the love and care he deserves.
I try so hard to remind him that he made me feel as happy and lucky as he did that we found each other. When we are together, he seems happy. Or if not happy, just different. Like there is some spark in him, but he denies that it makes him feel anything even though he acts happy.
I feel useless to him, he says that he wants me and wants to feel something for me again, but just can't. I guess I don't know which questions to ask.
What can I do to help him? Is there even anything?
Is it "normal" for a person with depression to lose all feeling for someone who they once valued, or is it as simple as he doesn't love me, and doesn't want to.
maxwgbun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-17, 02:01 PM   #2
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I won't be able to offer you much in terms of advice, but I just want you to know that you're not alone. I've had times with my depressed spouse when he seems really happy. Sometimes when he is like that he tells me he is scared to show it because he doesn't want other people to think that everything is OK now. Other times, even though i really think he was feeling well and had a good time, he denies it and says that he was pretending. Reminds me that "he's never fine". It is very hurtful to hear, since it feels like he lied to you.

I think it is a coping mechanism, they are so scared that the person/people they have around the will simply stop putting in effort if the depressed person shows signs of being happy.

I can't tell you if he has fallen out of love with you, but I would advice you to listen to your gut feelings. If you feel like he still loves you, chances are he does, even if he doesn't show it right now. I still believe my spouse loves me dearly, but sometimes he can't show it.

Hang in there!
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