my mom
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my mom

This is a discussion on my mom within the Troubled Loved Ones forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I dont know if this is the right place to put this but I just got a horrible phone call ...

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Old 01-03-07, 11:24 PM   #1
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I dont know if this is the right place to put this but I just got a horrible phone call from my mom. She told me about this when I was in Florida but I guesse it didnt register because she wasnt sure if it was right or not.

My uncle died a few months ago of lung cancer. He said that he had a tickling in his stomache that woudlnt go away and it felt liek somebody was rubbing a feather in his stomache tickling him. He was a smoker for 15 years. My mom was a smoker for 20 years she quite like 6 years ago. She started feeling the tickling feather sensation in her stomache months ago after my Uncle died. She wasnt sure if it was psycological or for real so she ignored it plus she didnt have money for an appointment with a doctor. Then after she got the inheritance money from my grandma she decided she better get it checked out because it was getting worse and wasnt going away. She went to the doctors about a month ago she never told me she was goiong. She called me up today and told me they got the tests back. I never even knew she went in for tests. Well the tests came back positive for lung cancer.

Im scared my Uncle died a year after he was diagnosed with lung cancer. I may only have her for another year. Im confused as to what to do. Should I forgive her for everythign she has done to me? Should I go see her this summer and you know tell her I love her and I dont knwo I cant think straight right now. Im so confused. I love her but she has hurt me so much and now she has lung cancer that could spread.

Im really scared I dont knwo what to do. Somebody please help me Im so scared.
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Old 01-03-07, 11:29 PM   #2
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Punk, how would you feel if you were to visit her?
What would you like to do, what do you think might happen?
I ask bc I don't know much about your realationship... only bits and pieces and that when she called a few nights ago (?) You seemed pretty pissed about it...
What would you like? And is it realistic? Is it possible?
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Old 01-03-07, 11:31 PM   #3
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punk, i am so sorry about whats going on with your mom! you just found out? god, i dont know what to say, that really sucks, im sorry, but im here for you. do you want to talk about it some more?
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Old 01-03-07, 11:36 PM   #4
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I think I have to visit her this summer. I dont know what I would liek to do. A part of me says forgive her and a part of me says dont even bother going. I dont know what I would liek I kinda want an apology but I dont think Im going to get that out of her. I really dont knwo I think I have to go but I dont knwo if I can handle it. Im freaking out. Im really confused right now

Dreamer I think I ahve to loet it sink in a little. I just wonder why she never told me last month that she went to the doctors. Maybe if she had told me about that I could have prepared myswlf better but this is just liek a major shock right now. Im really scared and confused as what to do. I could forgive her I coudl say screw it no way am I going. She could apologize or she could not apologize there is so much goign through my head right now. So many things that could happen and thngs that couldnt happen. Im stuck as what to do aabout this.
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Old 01-03-07, 11:52 PM   #5
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Your confusion is normal, Punk. You've had a shock. I'm sure you thought you had time to deal with her... and maybe you still do...

She's hurt you and you don't want to see her and get hurt more, right? On the otherhand, I'd also feel a bit guilty - I would be "expected" to be the dutiful daughter... to forgive... guilt.
is that what's going on? or what?

I think your advice is wise, Punk. Let it sink in for awhile.
You don't *have* to forgive her. Maybe if you kept your expectations low, you wouldn't be surprised as much - or might be pleasantly surprised... IDK. Maybe I shouldn't suggest that... I don't want to suggest going to see her, but I know not getting closure really hurts people sometimes... doesn't mean you have to *visit* though...
idk, I'm not helping. I don't think.
I know a friend of mine would say screw her, she doesn't deserve you. But I've never really listened to him much when it comes to family...

I think YOU had the BEST advice.
Like you said... let it sink in, think about it tommorrow or next week - you've got time. You can talk it over here - you know this...
idk why I'm talking... but you've got time...
It's okay to feel shhcked, scared, confused, angry... I'd say go ahead and feel those things. Think about it or Make a decision sometime later...
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Old 01-03-07, 11:55 PM   #6
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I'm sorry, Punk. How are you feeling? You said you're scared...
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Old 01-03-07, 11:57 PM   #7
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I thought I would have awhile to figure things out but now I may only have a year maybe more but its expected only a year. Right Im scared of getting hurt by seeing her and I dont know. Yeah I think she would be really hurt if I didnt go to see her but this is just confusing.

Im oin to let it sink but I need to decide soon. I want an apology but if I do go and see her I dont think I shoudl expect one because I dont think she will give me one.

A few of my friends would say screw her also but I just dont think I can. I think I would feel really guilty if I just said screw her and not saw her.
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Old 01-03-07, 11:58 PM   #8
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yes, i think you said it best punk, you have to let it sink in. this must be so hard on you, i am so sorry. please know we are here for you during this time. just give yourself a little time, you will figure out what you need to do. i wish i could help, i wish i could make it easier for you. big HUGS to you, punk. we are here, i know this must be really hard.
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Old 01-04-07, 12:02 AM   #9
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Im scared im confused im lost in my feelings they are contradicting each other. Im hurt but im happy im sad but im not. Im confused but a part of me understands it.

Right now im mad at her for not telling me she went to the doctor. Im sad that she has this but yet im happy. I knwo i sound horrible but apart of me feels liek she is ettin what she deserves

I knwo I shoudlnt say that and its a horrible thing to say but I serisouslly cant stop thinkign it. You know its liek she hurt me now its her turn to hurt

Im gonna stop now I sound liek a horrible person. Just I dont know
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Old 01-04-07, 12:02 AM   #10
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i know, with moms its so hard, you really cant just say screw it, even if she's really hurt you. i wish you did not have to be going through this right now, you already go through a lot as it is. but maybe if you talk to her about how much she means to you, how much you still love her (if you feel you want to do that) it will help to open up the communication more.
parents can be weird about telling their kids about their health problems. i have to wrangle information out of my folks all the time, they sure as hell are not up front about any of it. im glad you are at least finding out about this now, so you have time to deal with it.
i hope she is able to recover, punk. some people do recover from these things.
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