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My Daughter

This is a discussion on My Daughter within the Troubled Loved Ones forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I usally don't like posting things like this; but this week will be a big struggle for my daughter. I've ...

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Old 12-05-06, 07:41 PM   #1
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I usally don't like posting things like this; but this week will be a big struggle for my daughter. I've mentioned before, that a "friend of the family;" knew for 4 years, raped my daughter; last year. This was somebody that we had dinner with; he, his wife, & his 2 sons! She would also babysit for them as well. He knew that she was already having an "issue" with sex, yet took advantage of her. I warned her months ago, when I found out that this was going to Trial, to be ready. It's coming! This Friday is the Pre-Jury Trial & Next Monday is the Trial itself.

The DA's office called me today. She informed me that they need to speak with her; prior to Monday. We have to go in Thursday to meet with her. I then called my daughter; informed her of what's going on. She totally freaked out & said that she didn't want to go. My heart dropped for her. I personally know that she's scared; but I told her that this day was coming.

It's hard to watch a 16 year old have to endure this crap! Plus, it's the same attorney that was there at his probation revocation hearing. Which I was NOT allowed to be in. The judge; at that time, dismissed it, due to the fact that he felt, she wasn't crediable! Then the DNA evidence came 1 day too late! It's been a major struggle for her; getting past this & trying to move forward. This was a 39 year old adult, that took advantage of an already problmed child.

I personally am worried that this will cause her to start stepping back; she's worked so hard to move forward from all of this & try to get her life back on track. Her grades have gone up; to a B average! I'm concerned that this will cause her to fall back into a slump. She still's recieving counselling from this; that too has made Major improvements in her.

I will be in court with her that day; hoping that I can convience a Jury to give him at least 5-10 years in prision for this crime! I don't know if I will get to speak; on what a devistation this has caused her; but myself. I no longer trust adults around her; which to me, is truly sad. My way of thinking, they should be the ones that I could completely trust around a child; but now, I truly don't!

Aries
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Old 12-05-06, 07:59 PM   #2
 
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aries, i'm really sorry to hear about what happend to yr daughter. i know that being sexually assaulted is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. it's even worse when it happens to someone so young.

i know that because you've helped so many around here, that yr daughter is in good hands.

i hope everything ends up ok.
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Old 12-05-06, 08:06 PM   #3
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I'm just throughly disgusted with this whole situtation! It's sick & it makes me sick to my stomach that there's people out there that can STILL deny that they've done something wrong!!! I just don't get it??!!

Thank you btw for your kind words!

Aries
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Old 12-05-06, 08:09 PM   #4
 
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Aries

Damn, the realities after the realities. I feel so badly for your daughter. I cannot imagine handling this at her age, let alone the rape. It's too much.

I assume she knew that she was going in on Monday for the trial, so did the additional day of Thursday add to her angst about this? It's 4 days earlier, so that made it worse, right? Do you think this same freakout would come next Sat or Sun anyway? I guess what I'm asking is if she was going to get upset about the trial coming and then the addition of Thursday set her freakout earlier.

Does she want to go through with this? Are you considering letting her drop it if she wants to do so? Has she mentioned that? I hear such love in your voice and protection for your daughter. You say that she is doing good and that her grades are up, she's still in counseling and things are starting to come together for her. You obviously fear that she will backslide now, a reasonable fear.

I guess you need to figure out with her what she really wants. If fear is driving her now since it is so close to the trial, but you think she will feel better when it's over, then you both will have to see it through.

I don't blame you. I wouldn't trust adults around her either,which is sad. But you know, all adults aren't bad. Just idiots like that guy. You have to teach her to trust, yet be cautious.

My heart breaks for both of you.

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Old 12-05-06, 08:11 PM   #5
 
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i don't understand it either. there's just a lot of sick and evil people out there (hell, i live with 2 of them).

i believe in karma, so he'll get his eventually, wether it's in this life or the next.
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Old 12-05-06, 08:19 PM   #6
 
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You know your daughter best, Aries. You know her strengths and weaknesses, what she's capable of, and when to back off. Your mom radar will be in full force this week, so pay attention to everything with her. But mostly, listen. Just listen to her. Keep your talk to a minimum, but guide her with questions and then just listen. You will learn a lot and get a good feel for what she's feeling.

Your support will be invaluable to her. She has to feel inside that she has strength, too. Remind her of her own strength, then add that it is ok to feel scared and weak. Remind her that whatever happens, she showed courage and character by following through.
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Old 12-05-06, 08:23 PM   #7
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Irish,

She knew when everything was. I told her in August what was going on; kept in informed. They will NOT allow her to drop the charges; the State I live in is going after him. Which to me is great! Not allowing him to try to weasel his way out of it; like he's already trying to do, by saying he's not guilty! Yeah right & I just saw a flying cow jump over the Full Moon last night too!

What I told her is this... I told her that he "got away" with his BS crying at the probation revocation hearing & played with her emotions. I told her NOW is the time to get ANGRY/MAD at him for what he's done to her & put her through! I told her it's her turn to defend herself; she's the victum; he's NOT! I also "planted" the thought into her head; what if you're NOT the only one he's done this too; the other's were to scared to file/follow through on it? I said he's a liar & needs to be punished for HIS crime. I told her even IF she did consent (which I know she didn't-police proved it as well) that HE was in the wrong! He knew better & he did NOTHING to stop himself! I said if he has to go to jail to learn; so be it!

She, for whatever reason(s) doesn't want her father there. He knows all the details of this; which she already knows. She stated that she doesn't want another male in the court room; which through me for a loop; it's her own father? I guess because he's a male; all I can assume at this point in time. She has the option of him being there; but after I told him what's going on today, he said he's going whether she like it or not! I actually enjoyed that he said that! She may not want him there; but I feel as her natural father; he has rights, even if the court doesn't "see" it that way!

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Old 12-05-06, 08:41 PM   #8
 
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Quote:
but I feel as her natural father; he has rights, even if the court doesn't "see" it that way!
absolutely!

does she have a close or sorta close relationship with her father?
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Old 12-05-06, 08:44 PM   #9
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She's really "weird" about her dad. She wants to NEVER live with him again, but when she has to vist him; it's a struggle to make her want to go. It's court ordered; she has to visit him so many times per week. There's times where it's okay, she wants to go, then we get to trying to "sceam" her way out of going. I don't get it, but I just make sure she goes.

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Old 12-05-06, 08:49 PM   #10
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Aries.... I am truly deeply sorry... I just read everything you wrote... all of it... Fuck... I feel like killing that son of a bitch... but... I am going to restrain myself.. getting mad... and just typing a ton of cuss words isnt going to help you.... I will pray for you and your daughter.. I am going to pray my hardest Aries... this isnt right... that fucking bastard should pay for what he did.. He should go to prison and get up the ass. Yeah... I am pissed... anyways... Sounds like you are handling this situation the best you can.... *hugs Aries* I am so sorry that happened and now you have to go through this.... I would take it away if I could....
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