My boyfriend wants to commit suicide. All those prayers, all those days that I took care of him. All those nights where I prayed to God so that he could stop suffering...were useless. I want to harm myself, to express my pain...I want to hurt myself, or scream, or do something to myself...I want to die....I really want to die. Can I harm myself? Can I cry, scream or show my suffering? No. Why? because my family wont let me. They will blame my boyfriend for my suffering. They will tell me to shut up. Why do I deserve this? What did I do wrong? I want to die...I really want to die.