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How can I get through to him?

This is a discussion on How can I get through to him? within the Troubled Loved Ones forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I spoke to my friend this weekend, for the first time in a month or so. It was ...an interesting ...

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Old 07-05-15, 05:35 PM   #81
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I spoke to my friend this weekend, for the first time in a month or so. It was ...an interesting conversation. He wouldn't tell me what is going on with him - he said he couldn't. I don't think his situation is good, but he sounded better than he has in a long time nonetheless. He said a few things had happened recently to make him feel a bit more human again. I'm glad. I would like to know more but I'm not going to push him. That's enough for now.

We spoke for two hours, which is our longest conversation since I last saw him in person. Even though he wouldn't tell me much, it was so nice to hear from him. We were closer during this conversation than we have been for well over a year.

I told him how much he means to me and how much I think about him. He must be aware of the extent to which I care. It's always hard to know what he thinks about me, but during this conversation I got the impression he does actually feel something back and that he appreciates our friendship.

It's always so good to talk with him. I still don't know what it is, or why, but he just makes me feel a certain way that I don't feel with anyone else. I hope we'll be in contact more frequently after this, but I won't be surprised if we're not. At least we've had this talk and I know now that, no matter what happens, there is / was something meaningful between us, for a while at least.
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Old 07-06-15, 09:21 AM   #82
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Aw :3 . Well ok at least you got a chance to speak and all. Sue me for being a bit of a romantic today but it would be nice to hear if you both were in more contact after that and stuff. However, again you are doing alright playing by ear I guess, as I really don't know. All I will say is if he makes you smile then ok. I hope you do the same for him too :)
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Old 07-07-15, 06:31 PM   #83
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Aww that is wonderful pinkflamingo! I'm so glad - it really makes me happy to read this :) You have such a great perspective on it too. I'm sure he does appreciate you. Being consistent and patient has it's rewards - for both of you I'm very glad he's feeling a bit more human again - that's a beautiful thing :)
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Old 07-14-15, 01:33 PM   #84
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Thanks PrairieDawn and H8PPLNDGS for your sweet messages. My friend and I haven't spoken properly since I last wrote but we have chatted briefly over Skype messaging and he actually contacted me first today - he probably doesn't realise how happy this makes me but it's just always lovely to hear from him. :) Again, I'm taking things very slowly and trying to have no expectations, but I am always going to be on his side.
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Old 07-14-15, 02:21 PM   #85
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I am glad things with him seem to be improving!
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Old 08-12-15, 12:21 PM   #86
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We've been talking a lot more frequently recently. And proper conversations as well, for an hour or more at a time. He's been the one initiating contact, which is a change to how things have been for the past year. It's almost like when we were first getting to know one another and would just chat for ages about nothing in particular. He made me laugh a lot this afternoon, and I think I made him smile a bit, too.

Except, I know he still isn't doing well. I'm trying to piece together what's going on from the snippets of information he is willing to share, and he's in a complicated and unstable situation that he can't control. I know he's really scared and doesn't know what to do, and this makes me feel helpless. I wish I could do more for him.

At least he's talking now, which surely must be a good thing. I really do believe it's better to talk than bottle problems up inside, and I'll always be here when he needs to let off steam. I just hope that's enough to help him get through this, but I'm worried it won't be.
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Old 08-19-15, 10:57 AM   #87
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Well if he isnt doing well still, its at least good that he is learning to cope with it, that you guys are talking more and more again :) Thats surely a good thing
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Old 09-09-15, 01:40 PM   #88
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We're still in regular contact, which is good - a combination of me having a lot of free time at the moment and his situation meaning that for now he can't do much except wait. We've been chatting quite a lot and, although he still gets stressed or might be in a bleak mood, it's a big improvement on how our conversations were going earlier this year.

It does feel a bit like the calm before a storm, though. I understand his situation a bit better now and I know things are going to come to a head for him sooner rather than later. I do worry about how he'll cope when that happens, but I'll still be here.
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Old 09-12-15, 01:41 PM   #89
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It's great that the channels of communication are open! That is a great improvement. I totally know what you mean about the 'calm before the storm' feeling. I guess be prepared for anything. I read somewhere that loved ones should expect ebbs and flows, and changes from communicating to isolating, and then back again. It suggested to learn to anticipate this pattern, and "learn to dance with it". It's just something that stuck with me and was helpful. If you expect it, and know that's just the way it is, you won't be caught off guard by it. And you're less likely to take it personally too. It also helps with seeing the bigger picture - and that any pushing away will probably be followed by him eventually coming back around again.

Keep doing what you're doing :)
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Old 09-25-15, 04:27 PM   #90
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I talked with my friend on Skype this afternoon for three and a half hours (!). It was such an ordinary conversation, and he spoke so much, more than he's spoken to me for a long time. We talked about ordinary things and laughed a lot. It was so nice, just two friends catching up.

Like you mentioned, PrairieDawn, I'd been worried that he was about to start distancing himself again, because we'd been in less contact this week and our last few calls before this were short (under ten minutes), as he was low and didn't have a lot to say. So, this was really nice and unexpected.

He got a bit quieter towards the end and I knew he was tired (well, he says he's always tired but I think the call distracted him for a while), and was running out of things to talk about - hardly surprising after literally hours of conversation. I didn't want to push him, but at the same time I hate saying goodbye so I had to force myself to end the call.

I was reminded how much I care about him. I wish he didn't live on the other side of the world. I'd like nothing more than to be able to drive round to his house and sit with him and watch a film and chat and eat ice cream together. I wonder if I'll ever see him in person again. I really hope so.
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