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How can I get through to him?

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Old 09-27-15, 04:20 PM   #91
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Old 10-15-15, 08:57 AM   #92
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I don't understand why some people think they have the right to be rude make judgements about others without knowing a thing about their circumstances. My friend forwarded me some emails the other day. He had been in contact with someone about a potential job, but then for some reason the guy he was talking to took against him and sent him an abrupt and dismissive response. Having read all the messages myself, I can say with confidence that my friend didn't do anything to warrant this.

It makes me really angry that this guy probably unthinkingly typed out this email then just carried on with his day, without caring what effect it might have. I want to shake him and shout - what makes you think you can speak to someone you've never met in this way? You have no idea what's going on in this person's life and yet you've just leapt to your (incorrect) conclusion without even considering other factors. Are you so perfect yourself, or is it actually more down to sheer luck that you happen to be where you are and my friend is where he is?

I know this is just one more thing on top of everything else that's already going on, and it has knocked my friend back a bit. I spoke to him very briefly earlier, and he was stressed and angry and scared. It feels like right now there are so many things piling on top of him, and I'm not sure how he can find a way out. I'm worried he'll break soon.
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Old 10-24-15, 10:05 AM   #93
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That sounds very unfair :( and being dismissed that way can be hard to deal with or even understand. I hope he won't dwell on it too much. Spoken with him lately?
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Old 11-09-15, 06:41 AM   #94
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Thanks for your response, PrairieDawn. I've been away for two weeks so haven't spoken to him recently, no, although I did send him a couple of messages just to let him know I was thinking of him. He is rarely very active on Facebook so I can't tell how he is from that, although I've seen him online a few times so at least I know he still has internet access at the moment (his accommodation situation is a bit precarious). Tried calling this morning but couldn't get through, I'll try again during the week. I hope I'll be able to speak to him again soon - I do miss him when we aren't in touch.
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Old 11-09-15, 09:10 AM   #95
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I managed to speak to him in the end but he didn't say a lot and when I asked how things were he just told me nothing has changed, and clearly didn't want me asking him questions. It's so difficult to know what to say when he's like this. I didn't want to end the call, but he wasn't talking. He sounded upset / frustrated but I couldn't say or do anything to make it better.

I told him again to come here, if things really do look hopeless where he is. I would love to see him, more than anything, but I know this wouldn't necessarily be a solution for him. He needs to be with someone who cares, though - I'm so worried for him going through all this alone. It's not surprising he's struggling. He's much stronger than me; I couldn't have dealt with everything he's been through on my own and for so long. I wish he could accept that he deserves a break and to be looked after, but I don't know if he believes this.

It's hard to know what to do; I think he is going to try pushing me away again.
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Old 11-27-15, 05:10 AM   #96
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Thank you for sharing your story. I am experiencing a similar issue, and it was helpful to read about your journey. How is it all going now? I hope things end well for you.

Unfortunately I have not been able to maintain my mental health quite as well as you have. I haven't seen my friends in over a month. It seems other people's depression can make you very depressed.
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Old 12-30-15, 07:31 PM   #97
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I spoke to him earlier for the first time in at least a month, if I don't count about two calls that lasted less than five minutes each (including one to wish him happy Christmas). He sent me a message on Skype asking me to call him if I could, and as it's rare for him to suggest this I did so as I thought perhaps something was wrong.

He said that he needed some advice, and immediately began telling me about a very specific problem that is causing him stress. As I've mentioned before, I think he just assumes that I understand his situation and what's going on, but although I have a rough idea, we speak so infrequently at the moment that I don't feel like I know much at all. If I tried asking him for any clarification during the call, however, he got quite short tempered and irritable, brushing me off and avoiding my questions. In the end I decided to just sit back and let him rant, as clearly he needed to get this off his chest.

It was a fairly long call (a bit more than one hour), but I didn't say much and the entire conversation didn't really move away from this one topic. He kept repeating himself and was quite animated and worked up. A couple of times he seemed to calm down briefly, became apologetic and tried to ask me a few things about myself, but mostly it was almost like it didn't matter who was on the other end of the line, so long as he had someone to rant to.

I remember the first time we ever talked he was like this at first, talking and talking and repeating himself and just being very on edge. He's been in a similar mood on a number of occasions since then, but I haven't dealt with this for a while so it was hard to know how to react. He was clearly tense so I didn't want to do anything to make him more stressed, but at the same time I did find myself getting a bit annoyed with him and had to bite my tongue. This is a really rare feeling and it surprised me ...but it's the first time we've properly spoken for weeks, and yet he barely even asked me how I was or what's been going on with me. I know very little about his day to day life, but he knows even less about mine - and he never asks.

I realise I can't really start getting angry after all this time, when all along I've told him I'll support him no matter what, etc. And I still mean that - I care about him, and I want things to get better for him, and it hurts me to think of him hurting. But for some reason, today it struck me what a one-sided relationship this is ...and yes, that's partly my fault and I know I can't blame him for thinking of me as the person he can call for a rant, after me telling him over and over that I'll be here for him and listen to whatever he has to say. It would just be nice if we could have a more 'normal' conversation for once, back and forth and sharing things about ourselves.

I feel like if we both sat down to do a quiz on the other person, neither of us would get very high marks at all.
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Old 05-08-16, 01:30 PM   #98
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I'm back home after three months in a country with very limited internet access. Although my friend knew I was going away, I didn't get to speak to him properly before I left. To be honest, our contact had become so infrequent that I wasn't expecting him to really notice that I was gone, but on the rare occasions I managed to get briefly online, I found messages from him telling me that he hoped I'd stay in touch, he was lonely, he missed me and he wished we could be together. One message said, "I don't take you for granted".

I spoke to him on Skype yesterday for what I think was the first time this year. It's weird how just hearing his voice can make my heart race, even after so long. Yet despite me having been away and out of touch, he didn't ask much about what I'd been doing. I don't know how I feel about this. I do believe (or hope) he's interested, but tell myself that maybe he doesn't have the energy or isn't good at having 'normal' conversations any more.

He isn't doing well. I pretty much knew he wouldn't be, because ...well, when have things ever been good for him the whole time we've known each other? He still doesn't give much away, though, and so to me it seems like he just has a never ending run of bad luck that I can't really understand.

I wish he would confide in me but he says that talking about it doesn't change things and makes him feel worse. To me, though, it's hard to get my head around the fact that his life could possibly be so consistently bad, without really knowing the reasons or causes.

I'm worried about him because his situation sounds bad. Worse than before I left. He wouldn't tell me what he has been doing, but when I asked where he was living, eventually I got it out of him that he doesn't have a permanent place to stay right now, and I think he might literally be sleeping on the streets.

I just ...how is this possible? How can he have ended up at such a dead end that this is his only option? Why isn't there anything I can actually do to help, when I care so much? He's on the other side of the world. I don't know what will happen next.
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