Girlfriend suffering
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Girlfriend suffering

This is a discussion on Girlfriend suffering within the Troubled Loved Ones forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I've been on and off with my girlfriend for a little over 3 years now. She and I started out ...

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Old 12-09-17, 03:18 PM   #1
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Default Girlfriend suffering

I've been on and off with my girlfriend for a little over 3 years now. She and I started out very rough. I had horrible anger issues, financial issues, and so fourth to deal with. She has daddy issues, ex issues, depression, anxiety, low self esteem, body image issues, and so on. This past year has been the worst. She has broken up with me at least 6 times. Altogether within the 3 years its been probably at least 12 times. Each time another guy enters the picture... it may be an ex, a friend from high school, a co worker or some guy she met at a bar. She did sleep with them at least 5 that I'm aware of. Now when we do break up she give me a thousand different reasons. Sometimes its me, sometimes its her, sometimes its both. Just recently on Monday she told me that she wanted to meet someone new. She ha walls up toward me and the only one to bring them down was someone new. She said we can still be friends and we can still sleep together(said it much more vulgar than that which is out of character for her) She has since then blocked me from everything. Prior to all this she said it was her issues that she had to deal with. That I deserve better. She thinks horrible of herself. She drinks nightly. Just got her own apartment for the first time after getting a management position at work. After only being in her apartment for a month her management position was revoked and she was back to being a server. She spends her money on alcohol and vape juice. Her car was cosigned by her dad and she has gotten behind on that. Her phone bill is in his name as well as her health insurance She is to give money for that as well but hasn't She recently got two kittens to make herself happy and did not tell the renting company of them. Her dishes pile up in the sink. She hasn't been to the gym other than Monday with me and she was there as much as I go... everyday. I slowly see her slipping and feel completely helpless
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Old 12-10-17, 10:54 AM   #2
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Any insight on this would be appreciated
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Old 12-10-17, 03:07 PM   #3
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I wish I could tell you something you would like to hear, but unless she seeks some sort of professional help this situation is never going to change and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. Even if she does, in all candor, there still may not be a happily ever after for the two of you. The sooner you accept that the better off you will be. No matter how badly you want her, she doesn't feel the same way at least for very long, and that's probably not going to change ever. Ask me how I know.

The question you need to ask yourself is "how much more of this am I really prepared to take?" The only way you'll ever get off of this rollercoaster is to remove yourself. Again: ask me how I know.
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Old 12-10-17, 11:45 PM   #4
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I wish I could tell you something you would like to hear, but unless she seeks some sort of professional help this situation is never going to change and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. Even if she does, in all candor, there still may not be a happily ever after for the two of you. The sooner you accept that the better off you will be. No matter how badly you want her, she doesn't feel the same way at least for very long, and that's probably not going to change ever. Ask me how I know.

The question you need to ask yourself is "how much more of this am I really prepared to take?" The only way you'll ever get off of this rollercoaster is to remove yourself. Again: ask me how I know.
Just today she finally reached out. She told me she was fine... good actually and to leave her alone. When I asked what changed in one day she said "made up my mind... simple as that." Again my guess is someone else has entered the picture. something new that doesn't know her flaws. Easier for her to take her mind off them
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Old 12-11-17, 07:30 PM   #5
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I think she's lying not only to you but to herself as well, but in any case I would take her at her word and just let that pony run. One definition of dignity is that moment when you realize someone close to you has nothing to offer you besides headaches and needless drama.

You never really indicated what your feeling about her are or were, but my advice is still the same: go on with your life. Do what makes you happy.
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Old 12-12-17, 11:22 PM   #6
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I think she's lying not only to you but to herself as well, but in any case I would take her at her word and just let that pony run. One definition of dignity is that moment when you realize someone close to you has nothing to offer you besides headaches and needless drama.

You never really indicated what your feeling about her are or were, but my advice is still the same: go on with your life. Do what makes you happy.
She was the closest person I've ever had. I was very shut off for a long time. My father committed suicide when I was 15 which was 15 years ago. For those 15 yrs I struggled with A LOT. She was the first one I opened up to. I cried with her. I finally let someone in and it was her. I had feelings that I hadn't felt before. I also had to boys from two different mothers. Both boys loved this girlfriend. She was the only one they were ever around Their ages are 12 and 7. She was also great with them and loved them like they were hers. She also just recently found out it may be impossible for her to have kids of her own
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Old 12-12-17, 11:44 PM   #7
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From the first post my thought was why would you want to be around someone that treats you like this? It's not good for you even if you had your own issues. I see you addressed the why though in your latest post.

She might have been (or is) good with your kids, but is it worth the shit she's putting you through, the stresses of breaking up and coming back together? She's using you with your full consent to do so. She's aware of what she is doing, but not doing anything to resolve all, which is why you have to make the decision not her.

Your link to her and wanting to make all right is a lot to do with the opening up to her, you seem to be clinging to her as the person that understands your past, the one that you feel comfortable with - it's gone that way with me at least with needing the one person to keep me going, so that's what it feels like to me in reading your comments.

End of the day, it's not healthy and I agree with kh440 in leaving it behind. She might be good with the kids now, but if she's not working out her problems, how long before some bad thing is done with the kids present? You are the responsible one for them and yourself, and these are parts you can control and improve.
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Old 12-13-17, 07:52 AM   #8
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End of the day, it's not healthy and I agree with kh440 in leaving it behind. She might be good with the kids now, but if she's not working out her problems, how long before some bad thing is done with the kids present? You are the responsible one for them and yourself, and these are parts you can control and improve.
Actually Christmas evening of last year I believe she did attack my in front of my youngest son. He and I made an attempt to leave and she began punching my window to my car. She blamed her out burst on me. I caused her anxiety to flair up. This was not the only time. There were actually several times. She was actually good this past year though I must say... for the most part.
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Old 12-13-17, 09:07 AM   #9
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Actually Christmas evening of last year I believe she did attack my in front of my youngest son. He and I made an attempt to leave and she began punching my window to my car. She blamed her out burst on me. I caused her anxiety to flair up. This was not the only time. There were actually several times. She was actually good this past year though I must say... for the most part.
You will know yourself if there was any provocation on your part in each given situation, whether they should have arrived to arguments or more. Violence can be physical or psychological and the reason I mentioned the kids being around because when they are present it has psychological effects on them. Either way, try to be calm and ask her not to do things like you mention if the kids are around - if she doesn't respect that as a basic (remind at the time if it happens) get out.

I grew up with this kind of thing (among more), and then as an adult splitting from my ex, she became violent - both physical and psychological - continually before our two little ones. I have legal protection against her from the violence, and she did tell the judge I provoked her (not true any of the times, I recorded always after the first dozen times). Narcissist in my eyes. The elder of our children is now five years old and finds it difficult to control his emotions, lashes out, and is very guarded in the times I pick them up or drop them off, like he doesn't want there to be fights.

Anyhow, you have the choice about how to continue with your personal life; I'm not sure how much you are really getting out of it with someone that sleeps with others and is openly abusive with her health and people. My thought would still be with doing the best you can with your side and especially your children, your choices affect them in some way until they are adults and perhaps beyond.
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Old 12-13-17, 09:21 AM   #10
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You will know yourself if there was any provocation on your part in each given situation, whether they should have arrived to arguments or more. Violence can be physical or psychological and the reason I mentioned the kids being around because when they are present it has psychological effects on them. Either way, try to be calm and ask her not to do things like you mention if the kids are around - if she doesn't respect that as a basic (remind at the time if it happens) get out.

I grew up with this kind of thing (among more), and then as an adult splitting from my ex, she became violent - both physical and psychological - continually before our two little ones. I have legal protection against her from the violence, and she did tell the judge I provoked her (not true any of the times, I recorded always after the first dozen times). Narcissist in my eyes. The elder of our children is now five years old and finds it difficult to control his emotions, lashes out, and is very guarded in the times I pick them up or drop them off, like he doesn't want there to be fights.

Anyhow, you have the choice about how to continue with your personal life; I'm not sure how much you are really getting out of it with someone that sleeps with others and is openly abusive with her health and people. My thought would still be with doing the best you can with your side and especially your children, your choices affect them in some way until they are adults and perhaps beyond.
What provoked it at that time was me attending chirstmas at my older sons moms house. My girlfriend didn't want me to go with her because her family is very judgemental. She didn't want to catch any crap from them about being back with me YET AGAIN so told me not to join. When we do get back together he tends to not want to let her fathers side know because they look down upon it. Every time we have broken up she has made me out to be such a horrible person. Then when we once again get together it makes it difficult on me because I have such hurdles to over come. she then apologizes for doing that and says who cares how they view me its her life and she can do what she wants. Yet wont allow me to come around She says its because she feels like we aren't stable and doesn't want to have to explain again why she left. Shell delete my comments from facebook. She denied our relationship request and flipped on me for even putting it up. Told me to delete it immediately.
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