Hey,

Well, while this week has been a bit better, it's had it's own set of challenges. For me, I've started counseling...It's my own realization that I'm falling apart slowly, and that to help my twin, I've got to try to pull myself together first. It's not helping that my twin was unexpectedly moved from the hospital and placed in isolation within a psychiatric facility last Tuesday.
This is truly strange, because I'm finding out about some very uncharacteristic things my twin has said or done that are hurtful. I'm also finding out that my twin's reality may have been somewhat altered for a long time. It kind of feels something akin to getting kicked in the ribs while you're already on the ground...or sucker punched. I brought it up with my therapist, and she said while she didn't know the whole situation, she would advise me to remember that depression and stress can alter a person's view on reality - making them not themselves. I've been trying to take that advice to heart, I'm just hoping it stops hurting soon.
Moreover, while I know this probably sounds stupid, while I want my twin to be better when she gets out of the psychiatric facility, I hope her personality itself won't have changed. I miss her...and I want her to be able to handle these things without feeling like she has to hurt herself. I just don't want her to lose what makes her my twin. I'm scared that she'll be a completely different person. I'm just having to trust somehow in the meantime that such an occurrence won't happen.
I feel like I'm in some horrible twisted version of Alice in Wonderland. Perhaps a version entitled "Finding Alice" would be more suited....a version in which Alice has lost her Aliceness and I'm tracking the white rabbit trying to find her, alongside the mad hatter. There's a mutual friend who has been worried about me... I'm thinking he's afraid I'll try to do something because I've been so devastated. But..I won't because if I do that, I really will be of no help to my twin when she gets out. The good news is they have her slated to get out of the hospital in 2 weeks. Of course, that's assuming they don't extend it. I just hope I can get over this fear, and I can come back from Wonderland.

~Decuma