Depressed, dependent spouse. Need advice.
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Depressed, dependent spouse. Need advice.

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Old 01-23-17, 01:11 PM   #1
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Default Depressed, dependent spouse. Need advice.

Hello...I am in dire need of advice.

I live with my spouse who is going through a depression, going on 3 years now. He hasn't worked for over two years, and I support both of us on student loans alone. His family pretty much gave up on him. He doesn't have any friends. He is completely dependent on me.

He has tried many times to get professional help, but has given up now since none of it helped. He has tried every antidepressant you could think of.

Very often he takes out his feelings on me. He gets angry at trivial things and shouts, he used to be aggressive and break things. He says that is "how he cries" and I feel like he expects me to be nice and comforting even after he has woken me up in the middle of the night by banging things in the kitchen and hurled horrible hurtful words towards me for hours at a time.

I am growing more and more blank. I rarely act on anything anymore out of fear to do something wrong and get criticized. Everything I say and do is wrong. If I do A he gets angry because I didn't do B, and vice versa. And I'm starting not to care. He keeps me up til 4 in the morning so that I can be the audience of him sitting and talking about how much his life sucks. I know he needs to hear nice things but I can't say them anymore. If I say the wrong thing, he will get angry or mock me. My sympathy is waning and it makes me feel sick.

I just want him to get better. I don't understand how he thinks. In his mind everything and everyone is out to get him and no one can convince him otherwise. I feel so stuck. Sometimes I feel like just packing up and leaving him to himself, but he doesn't have anyone else nor a penny to his name, and I don't know if he would make it.

We're very tight on money, I have no family here, nor any close friends. I'm a full time student (engineering) and can't take on a part-time job, I don't have the time nor the energy.

I don't know what to do anymore, I am getting so tired.
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Old 01-23-17, 08:39 PM   #2
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I am in similar shoes - but a little older with 2 kids.

It is VERY easy to say you need to kick him out. I have been trying to get my spouse to leave for years.

I will listen but answers are a dime a dozen. We have got to be true to ourselves... and take care of ourselves..
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Old 01-28-17, 08:01 AM   #3
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Hi again,

can I ask, without meaning anything bad in any way, why you haven't left? Why are you waiting for him to leave? Because I find myself thinking the same thing when I think about leaving, I would rather he left.
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