Depressed boyfriend pushing me away
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Depressed boyfriend pushing me away

This is a discussion on Depressed boyfriend pushing me away within the Troubled Loved Ones forums, part of the Depression Forums category; Hi, Right ill try keep this as short as possible, I have been with my boyfriend nearly a year and ...

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Old 04-25-12, 11:02 AM   #1
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Default Depressed boyfriend pushing me away

Hi,

Right ill try keep this as short as possible, I have been with my boyfriend nearly a year and everything was perfect until my boyfriend was digonosed with depression on newyears day after having a couple of very sudden anxiety attacks. He was put on Citalopram 20mg by the doctor and since then he has gotten 100000 times better in himself, he seems alot happier and the doctor is happy to soon reduce his dose to 10mg.
Everyone that knows him says that he seems his normal self again but there are a few things that me and him have been struggling with over the past few weeks,
He says the tablets make him feel emotionally numb, so he knows in his brain he loves me but he does not feel it.. they also have taken away his sex drive completely so I feel very unloved, i try not to take it personally but it is hard sometimes. The other day he said that maybe we need some time apart to help him, he then admitted that he knows he is pushing me away with how he is being towards me but says it is just the meds.

I have told him that we will get through it together, it is hard but i am so scared to have time apart and move out, because the way i see it, his meds make him feel no love for me, so if im not there surely he wont mind?

Anybody have any advice? pleaseee help :)
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Old 04-25-12, 11:25 AM   #2
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Maybe ask him if he could wait until the doctor reduces his dose to 10mg. It might take some time to find the right dosage for him, so he has the least amount of side effects possible. Also, ask his doctor about the side effects you mentioned and ask if they might get better in time or not.

If he knows that pushing you away is from the meds, why does he think time apart would help him? If he does need some space and time, maybe you could give him that without necessarily moving out.
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Old 04-26-12, 08:17 AM   #3
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Thank you very much for your response PrairieDawn, Do you think that it would make it easier for him if I backed off abit, i mean at the moment I ask for kisses and cuddles and I tell him I love him every day.. do you think it would make it easier if i stopped doing that so much? I dont want him to think that I dont love him or care

Thank you for your time
Sunshine
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Old 04-26-12, 09:13 AM   #4
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Sure Sunshine - anytime. My answer to your question is that I don't know - maybe. But I think you should ask him. Ask him what he is comfortable with, and what he needs space from. Ask him if you should keep doing x, y, and z, or if he wants you to not do them for a while. And say what you said here - that you don't want him to think you don't love him... but you just want to be able to support him the way he needs to be supported right now. That in itself will show him that you do love him. (I'm sure he knows it anyway).

You're right when you say it's not easy, and you should try not to take it personally. It's good that you came here for support. I also initially came here for support because my boyfriend at the time was isolating and had other issues. I have found this forum to be extremely supportive and helpful. I have also started reading books recently that are written for family and friends of people who have depression, and I find them very helpful also. It's a long process, with ups and downs. Try to think of things with a wide lens, focusing on the long run. For instance, when I was pushed away (which I have been numerous times now), it's very upsetting at first. But then... he comes back. And then it might happen again. It gets easier because you become more equipped to handle it over time. Your situation might be very different, so I don't want to say it will be like that - just wanted to let you know that I understand.
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Old 04-26-12, 11:05 AM   #5
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I have started doing a lot of reading online forums and storys to help me understand better. I feel sometimes feel I am being a little selfish when I get upset with the whole situation because I know it is so much harder for my boyfriend. Its just tough because I want him to cuddle me and tell me everything is going to be okay, and to say he loves me first sometimes but i know that isnt going to happen right now.
I am happy to speak to someone that kind of understands as alot of my friends just dont get it and say I should just walk away.. obviously that has crossed my mind, but I dont want to give up on us, that would be the easy way out!
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Old 04-26-12, 11:21 AM   #6
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Wow you are so right! My friends who I have told about this do not understand at all! Back before I knew that my ex had depression, I just could never figure him out. I would tell a friend what was going on, and she just looked at me like I was crazy for staying with a guy who I barely saw (due to isolation), and who had 'issues'. See... that's what I don't get. There are so many people in life with issues, and no friends - because the friends either can't handle it, or don't know how. You and I... we just care, and so we educate ourselves on depression, and learn how to support them. They're still our friends!

Your boyfriend is lucky to have you, and I'm sure he knows it. I started a thread once asking what people wanted their partner to do to support them...and it seems like you are doing a lot of these things. Keep going. https://www.takethislife.com/love-rel...partner-68720/
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