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what are "crisis" services like?

This is a discussion on what are "crisis" services like? within the Therapy forums, part of the Treatment category; Originally Posted by ThatUncertainFeeling You're stuck right now, but that's correctable and if/when you're able to build your social life ...

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Old 02-02-17, 05:11 PM   #11
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You're stuck right now, but that's correctable and if/when you're able to build your social life and meet new people nobody will care you're not "caught up" with them in terms of social experience. This is a solvable problem.
this is not true in my experience. In fact, my lack of friends and social experience prevents me from building a social life. It's a huge turn-off to most. I've had way too many people ditch me over trivial things like not knowing my way around the city, not being on social media, not having girlfriend, not knowing about parties/drugs/drinking/sports/ whatever.

I don't advertise this to others. I pretend to be normal. But once they start asking questions, it's only a matter of time before they figure me out. You should see the scornful looks and condescending remarks I get.

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As for women, I won't encourage or discourage the prostitute idea, but I think it's possible something like that would ultimately feel like a let down anyway. A one time experience with someone you don't know? Nothing wrong with that, but a week or so later you might not feel any better than when you started.
It would eliminate the shame I feel for being a virgin. At least the next time someone asks if I've gotten laid, I can answer them without feeling like a liar. I would prefer a ONS anyway. I'm in no condition to be in a committed relationship. Plus, getting an idea of what sex is like couldn't hurt.

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Also, having a bad experience with a mental health professional doesn't make you a "lost cause", it just makes your relationship with that particular person a "lost cause". I've had plenty of therapists who after awhile I realized "yeah, this isn't gonna work." Not getting the help you need from a professional can be discouraging, but it doesn't make you hopeless, it just means you've got a longer road ahead. I know that's the last thing you want to hear when every day feels like eternity, but there's someone out there who can help you. It's another solvable problem.
I've seen so many professionals over the years though. Probably between 10 - 15 to be honest.
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Old 02-02-17, 05:45 PM   #12
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Again, could've written all of that myself at one point in my life. How old are you, by the way?

Nothing has worked for you so far, so from your perspective nothing does work. That's fine. What you need to overcome is the idea that nothing works therefore nothing is worth trying. You need to allow yourself to keep getting out there or to try new things, even if it feels hopeless.

Have any of these therapists ever talked to you about cognitive restructuring?
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Old 02-02-17, 06:45 PM   #13
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Again, could've written all of that myself at one point in my life. How old are you, by the way?

Nothing has worked for you so far, so from your perspective nothing does work. That's fine. What you need to overcome is the idea that nothing works therefore nothing is worth trying. You need to allow yourself to keep getting out there or to try new things, even if it feels hopeless.

Have any of these therapists ever talked to you about cognitive restructuring?
I'm in my 20s.

Please elaborate on "getting out there" and trying new things. As if doing that is magically going to make people like me and treat me with respect. It hasn't worked all these years. Why would it now?

And yes, that's the stupid ass approach all of them take. In case you haven't noticed, it's not working!
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Old 02-02-17, 06:57 PM   #14
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Tell me what you'd like to achieve. What would a fulfilling social life look like to you?
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Old 02-03-17, 12:27 PM   #15
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that's simply not true. I've known far too many guys who have girls lining up for them. They're the stereotypical "alpha males," the players. But yeah, that'll never be the case for me.
Don't be too hasty to believe anything you hear. People always exaggerate the positives and will staunchly hide the negatives in their lives. In the same way, most people will make excuses for the most horrid of their own actions while demonizing others for much less.

I know a guy who used to have sex with a different girl every week. He used to laugh at how disposable these women are to him and how they seemed to want an actual relationship when he had no desire for one. He laughed at how some women called him an asshole for doing this and he just kept doing it and then when you learn about his past, you get why he did it. 10 years or so ago, he dropped everything he had to be with a girl in Australia -All the way across the world, he sold everything he had and left everyone he knew to be with her. The had a good time for about 2 years and then, he asked to marry her. She said she wasn't ready for such a commitment and dumped her. That hurt him really badly and he never really got over it. Ever since, he has been so afraid of being hurt by a woman that he would never see the same girl again and did everything he could to prevent any kind of attachment to any of them.

Over that one girl 10 years ago, he got a lot of liver damage because he drank every other day and "partied" because she was still on her mind deep down, he once got a DUI when he drove into a parked car when he was drunk which also got him some permanent brain damage in the process and he was ostracized by most young women for the way he behaved with them and he eventually had to go party in a different city to get girls. He was also broke beyond measure because all of his money went into booze and "living the moment". Even with all of that sex and all that attention, he was still miserable and did everything he could to stop himself from thinking about anything before or after the enxt 5 minutes.

It took 9 years but he did actually get over the first girl; he's been with the same one for a year now. Not sure what changed him; He's more of an acquaintance at this point but now they are planning on getting married next year and all of that outgoing flirtashious behaviour stopped as suddenly as it started. Instead of having dozens of pictures of him drunk at bars, every week, now you see pictures of them walking their dog. He's even sworn off alcohol now and doesn't take drugs anymore either.

The point of it all is simple, don't trust appearances, they are made to hide misery - big or small. Much like I'm sure you keep a lot of shit in to the outside world, they all do the same.

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Old 02-03-17, 02:16 PM   #16
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@lucid lunacy

yeah, the fast life can get messy sometimes. No doubt. Still sounds like more fun than the shit I'm dealing with now. Anyway, my point was that some guys pretty much do have unlimited choice.
I'm sure many of the girls lining up for these types have their share of issues too. It's funny because later on in life, they'll often be looking to settle down with the kinds of guys they used to ridicule. God I hate people.

Your acquaintance is getting married after only a year with this girl though? That doesn't sound like a wise decision.
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Old 02-03-17, 02:51 PM   #17
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@lucid lunacy

yeah, the fast life can get messy sometimes. No doubt. Still sounds like more fun than the shit I'm dealing with now. Anyway, my point was that some guys pretty much do have unlimited choice.
I'm sure many of the girls lining up for these types have their share of issues too. It's funny because later on in life, they'll often be looking to settle down with the kinds of guys they used to ridicule. God I hate people.

Your acquaintance is getting married after only a year with this girl though? That doesn't sound like a wise decision.
Heh, they'll have been 2 years together by that point and I have no control over his actions. He can and will do what he wants and deal with the consequences both good and bad. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't; either way, he finally got past that part of his life and even if he's "missing on all the fun", I'm sure he's much happier for it.
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Old 02-08-17, 01:47 AM   #18
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Tell me what you'd like to achieve. What would a fulfilling social life look like to you?
I want to live like lucid lunacy's acquaintance. Alcohol, frequent partying, different girl every week... Sounds good to me.
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Old 02-13-17, 09:24 AM   #19
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People like that aren't actually happy. I was a swinger. I wouldn't go back to that and even the guy who ran the parties, huge house, girls galore, said "all it made me was a bunch of fake friends. Now I want a relationship."

There are three types of happiness: The Pleasant Life ( the life of idiot celebrities), The Good Life, and the Meaningful Life. The first is not really happiness, which is why heavy alcohol consumption is required to get through it and it sometimes leads to drugs. The Good Life is "flow," doing something that engages your mind, like starting a blog. That's happiness. The Meaningful Life is when you have a sense of purpose. That brings the most happiness.

Anyway, just something to think about. I can empathize with your situation and am not trying to dismiss your desires.

In answer to your question, this is embarrassing to admit, but this is a support group, so I call crisis lines everyday, to the point where they know who I am just by the sound of my voice. I find them very therapeutic. I can get stuff off my chest, talk about my innermost thoughts, get feedback about my progress in life, and get support. It's 100 times better than therapy, which tries to make you like everyone else just so you can be a good wage slave, and it's free and at your disposal anytime.
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Old 02-16-17, 04:18 PM   #20
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People like that aren't actually happy. I was a swinger. I wouldn't go back to that and even the guy who ran the parties, huge house, girls galore, said "all it made me was a bunch of fake friends. Now I want a relationship."
At this point, fake friends might be better than having no one.

I'll admit that though I want that lifestyle, I feel incapable of being fake enough to get there. Based on what I've seen, I would need to totally reinvent myself. I really don't know how people do that. How are they okay with essentially throwing away their identity to be accepted by people who don't care about them? How do they live with themselves?

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In answer to your question, this is embarrassing to admit, but this is a support group, so I call crisis lines everyday, to the point where they know who I am just by the sound of my voice. I find them very therapeutic. I can get stuff off my chest, talk about my innermost thoughts, get feedback about my progress in life, and get support. It's 100 times better than therapy, which tries to make you like everyone else just so you can be a good wage slave, and it's free and at your disposal anytime.
that's soo true. I've always had trouble with conformity and obedience. I guess that's why I hate therapy and struggle to fit in with people.

Thanks again for the suggestion. At least I have a backup plan if all my therapists fire me.
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