Struggling with therapy
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This is a discussion on Struggling with therapy within the Therapy forums, part of the Treatment category; Ok. It has been the hardest few months of my life. After a few attempts to take my life I ...

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Old 09-25-17, 06:37 PM   #1
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Ok. It has been the hardest few months of my life. After a few attempts to take my life I went to my gp and got referred to the home based treatment team. I have had a psychiatrist visit my home too as they were worried. I am staying out of hospital by the skin of my teeth.

My problem is they think things are worse than they are as I cannot make eye contact with them and as soon as they come I shut down. Guards go up and I shut them out. Same goes when they ring me.

It isn't just with them it's with most people. I am a listener not a talker. Talking is something iv e never done and I don't know how to get passed this. I feel they are gonna put me in hospital as they don't feel I can keep myself safe even though I said I can. It will shut me down totally if I go to hospital.
Not sure how to get passed this
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Old 09-26-17, 08:44 AM   #2
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Hi Lilyfrog,

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this.

I am a listener not a talker too (except I ramble in writing!). With therapists/psychologists I feel worse after being with them and going over the past. Now I do have a psychiatrist I feel that actually listens to the words and doesn't just have a set answer, it's much better.

For you, I think the best thing might be to write down how you're feeling, be honest with all, and give this to them on their next visit. Writing on paper for me is horrible, on the internet different, but still, if you find things difficult to articulate when they are there in person, it is I think the best way to get across what you need to say.

I really hope you can feel better and you are a fighter, I've seen your other posts before but I think we've not talked previously. They are trying to help you, but to pass this test you need to work a little at the parts which are more difficult for you.

Sincerely, I hope you will be back on your feet and doing well soon
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Old 09-29-17, 05:10 PM   #3
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Thank you for your reply
It's funny even through the hardest parts previous I always managed to work through them using mediation and mindfulness but this time it has taken a lot of doing.

I don't know if I am pleased or frightened. The team I have been working with has discharged me as they found me too hard to work with as they couldn't get past the guard that goes up as soon as they spoke.
I am totaĺly off meds as I aren't under the crisis team now so will have to see how that goes.

I am meant to have a community mental health person assigned to me if I accept it but again I want the help but as soon as I get someone the guard goes up and I either reject or clam up.

My gp is watching over me and giving me blood tests when I ask for them. She knows how distructivly and impulsive I am but she seems to be the only one I let in.
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Old 09-29-17, 05:35 PM   #4
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I understand, it is difficult to find a person to be confident in talking to. I hope this period goes well for you, but also would ask if you can keep trying to find another person or two in which you can trust? Otherwise it sounds like it would be difficult with just the one person to call and try to be in touch with.

I have been very careful with who knows what I have and am going through, but I have the psychiatrist and three persons carefully selected that do listen and are very helpful with just a few words. My boss also knows - important for me but I guess not for everybody - because she's great and knows I have problems with my mental health.

I wonder if you would trust a person more if it is your own gp that selects that person to help you? Maybe it would give you more confidence that the person will help?
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Old 10-01-17, 11:57 AM   #5
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Thank you :) you are right.
I think going and asking gp to help may work but was thrown in the deep end of having to trust the other day as I was sent to A+E and then was very close to being sectioned :(
I agreed to try and work closer with the team and was allowed home, I am just waiting for cmht being assigned then I can leave the home team.
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Old 10-02-17, 12:50 PM   #6
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Who was it that sent you to A + E? Your GP or somebody else?

I hope you are able to find more people to trust in where you are. As you mentioned in my thread, people that think outside the box and not just following protocols are much better, but I think they also have to follow the law there, right? Google told me what cmht means thankfully, and it seems you are in the UK, which I know well - my current country might be like the UK 60 years ago in some respects.

Confide if you can in your GP in your fears over whom visits you, try to get help in that respect. Otherwise you might be going in circles here.
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Old 10-02-17, 01:22 PM   #7
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My Gp sent me to have my bloods taken as i had disclosed my actions to her. Then out of hours Gp rang me same night to say they wanted me in A+E and if I wasnt willing to go they would send ambulance or police. I went on my own.

Eeek yes, I forget that we are worldwide here and I just figure all is the same everywhere (even though I know thats not the case lol) Yes UK here.

I have finally done that talk with the GP today when I visited, I was in 2 minds and I did actually think back to your post saying to do this, Bit my lipp and took the stand and she is going to help out.
Feeling a little easier with it.
Thank you so much
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Old 10-02-17, 01:39 PM   #8
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May I ask what the blood tests are supposed to show? (please don't answer if it's personal). I know some depression / mental health related things I've seen online they can check for levels of things to know how to control - it interests me to know as my doctors have never mentioned checking blood or brain scans or anything. As I say, if it's personal and unrelated don't answer.

Back in the time I was in the UK I did open once about my depression (the only time in my life until 2-3 months ago here) to a doctor and he referred me straight away. I didn't go to the appointment as I left the country again.

I have a good friend that is a nurse over there (I think renal ) so I do hear at times about how the NHS is being screwed over by the government.

Keep well and in touch - I hope it brings comfort having people around the world willing to listen too.
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Old 10-02-17, 03:38 PM   #9
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Because of the number of quick succession od's the Gp is checking the levels of the meds I used and how much is still in my system (wont say what here) my ability to clot my blood, electrolytes and creatinine,(both for kidneys), liver function and urea.

I used to nurse renal children back before I had my own kiddies.
Thanks, yes sometimes these boards help more than some people think they do
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