For the people that have read my posts, I have a little news on the positive side. Ive finally been given a place to start counselling. It starts on the 16th of October and I will say that im looking forward to it.
The only thing that i havnt really enjoyed is the pre counselling work I had to write a small book which is basically a synopsis of all the things that i would like to cover. Or the things that I felt were relevant.
Here are a few sections from the pre work. Feel free to comment. And any advice for counselling would be greatful.
WARNING SECTIONS BELOW ARE GRAPHIC
General bullying on a day to day basis. Was never at a serious leave to cause any great effect on my personality. I see it as a general pecking order and it happens that I was near the bottom. I was liked but bullied about general things.
I was bullied because everyone was starting to get into relationships and I never really showed any interest in girls. I wasn’t fazed by my peers and how they expected me to be. I wanted to keep my individuality. I was also bullied for my love for music, dance and drama. I wanted to pursue them in extracurricular activities and was then called names and so on for this
After starting a relationship with Tara in the Christmas of 2003, it was publically known by the beginning of term in 2004. This was not taken lightly. People were making issues due to age. She was 11 going on 12 and I was 13 going on 14. There was bullying every day throughout 2004 and 2005 due to this relationship. Every day I was called a pervert or paedophile but it didn’t put any strain on the relationship. The relationship was never sexual and both sets of parents knew about it. The relationship was mutual and we had many things in common. The bullying got quite severe at points. Instances such as:
• Tara, Myself and Tara’s brother Darren were out on our bikes in town and one of the boys I went to school with who was in my year group decided to chase me through Havant for at least a solid hour until we got to the park and I braked suddenly, which in turn made him crash into the back of my bike and go over the handle bars. He hurt himself quite badly but it gave me time to ride off and get to safety. I was in genuine fear of being hurt.
• A letter was written by a student in my year group and I am to this day certain it was again someone from my year group called Kieron. It was straightforward it just had the word Paedophile written on it and it was posted through the door. My parents found it and reported it to the school. Nothing was done as there was no proof.
Our school was lucky enough to benefit from a media suite funded by the BBC and I was recording in there one day with some other students. I was working on extra credit for my GCSE’s. There were two supervising members of staff. Mr Damiain and Mrs Sarah. The media suite was a professional outfit and had a soundproofed room which I was in with the students. The staff were in the other room. I had left the talkback function on which allowed me to have two way communication into the room they were sat in and vice versa. They could hear me and myself and the students could hear them. Tara was in the group of students that I was working with and we all heard a comment from one teacher to the other. “I think that is sick,” “that relationship is sick, I think it’s a bit pervy considering they must be fucking” “he gives me the creeps.” As I pointed out, the relationship was never sexual and given her status that conversation should never have happened. Around 20 students heard those comments and the whole experience was humiliating. I never reported it as I felt scared that it could jeopardise my results from school.
When I started college the bullying stayed on due to other members from my school was on the same course as I was. This caused me to drop college but still managed to get a result as they accepted the work that I was doing as credit for my qualifications.
My Age: 13-16
Her Age: 11-14
As stated earlier, this relationship started in 2003 around Christmas. Having been friends with her two older brothers Darren and Chris. We were all into performing arts and performed many shows together. I had asked Tara out after singing together for a show. This relationship was never sexual and both parents knew of the relationship. This come to an end as the relationship just fizzled out. I left school and we stopped spending time together. Different circles of friends and so on.
Kate was the head of year 6 at my Primary school. We were working closely together for a substantial period of time. She had an 8 year old son which I had only met from a professional point of view when she brought him to work one day. We had started seeing each other out of work and were in a band together. It started when we went out one night and she offered me to stay at hers. We started a sexual relationship and lasted only for a short period of time. Ended amicably.
My Age: 17
Her Age: 16
Kirsty was my first “same age” relationship. We weren’t really boyfriend and girlfriend for all that long. We had become sexual partners and this was on and off for a period of around 4 months.
My Age: 17
His Age: 16
Darren was my first experience of being gay/bisexual. It was strictly sexual and we would often meet up and consent to sexual activity. This lasted around a year and was on and off whilst I was in a relationship with Annabelle. There were times later on in 2011 and 2012 when we would meet up on occasion and engage in sexual activity.
My Age: 17-21
Her Age: 14-18
Apart from Tara, Annabelle was my first long term relationship. It was a loving relationship however after we became sexually active it did change. I waited til she was 16 and her parents were aware of the relationship. We shared a lot of experiences during the relationship. The relationship started after meeting at the first Rock Challenge I was involved with as staff. My friends were all for the relationship and lasted four years. Due to disclosure of offences this relationship ended. There were accusations made from her and later dropped. I still have no closure of this relationship and in a state of flux due to part of me still being in a relationship.
Mandy was my first relationship after Annabelle, lasted for only 3 months or so. She was my only contact apart from family whilst I was in prison. She got me through it and I think that is the only reason why we even started a relationship.
My Age: 24/25
Her Age: 27
Kelly was my most recent relationship. Started via online dating sites and ended due to her ex we don’t remain friends.
I have a large amount of sexual partners since 2006. Around the 50-60 mark. None of them serious and most of them only once. However there were times where I’ve had multiple encounters with the same people
Due to my age I can only remember certain parts of this and is very extremely difficult to talk about.
I remember that my grandfather used to expose himself quite often. When we were on our own and even if people were in the house.
He was very opportunistic when it came to the exposure as he would do it behind closed doors and became daring as I got older.
There were occasions where he tried to touch my genitals. He used to say I’ve touched yours now touch mine. He used to succeed in touching and on very rar occasions when I used to go to the allotment space he had with him, I remember that once or twice he pulled down my trousers and pants, bent me over and tried to force penetration. Only on one or two occasions I think he succeeded. I was around eight or nine when this happened.
I remember a lot of things like the smell of old spice and what he used to say. He used to bribe me and say that if I told anyone they would take me away and things like that. Obviously knowing what I do now I wish I had spoken to someone about it as I now though that I wasn’t the only one and if I had spoken out about it, I could have saved certain people from the same pain.
He also spent time in prison for having sex and fathering a child with his daughter.
I have anger at my family in the fact despite knowing that my grandfather had gone to prison for the crimes above they still allowed unsupervised access and im still quite angry that the authorities didn’t do anything.