Let's start with this - we all have problems. Some we create in our minds, and some are very real. In fact, if you THINK you have a problem, you actually do. People that have a positive attitude have positive experiences mostly. Pessimists, like myself, think negatively all the time, and it affects what happens to us.
The mind is a powerful thing that way. Sometimes a therapist can help you see what you are doing to yourself with your negative thinking. And they (Cognitive Therapists) can help you see what you can't - or won't.
I know this all too well. I've been beating myself mentally for so many years.
Here's how stubborn I've been. I used to be a bowler - and a pretty good one. I always felt I could beat anyone I faced. I put my mind to it, I had confidence in myself, and most of the time, I was pretty darn successful.
But the REST of my life has been a disaster. I have no girlfriend or wife. I'm alone and miserable. I've told myself I'm not good enough. What in the world would a girl want with me? I asked myself. When she can have so many other guys. I'm a wreck - I am depressed, feel insecure, I don't fit in (everyone's been married - at least once - or has a girlfriend or can get one at any time.)
Can you see what's WRONG with this picture? When I thought I was as good as anyone in bowling, I won. So why the hell don't I apply those same principles to the REST of my life?
IT'S ALL IN MY MIND! I'm not ugly, have a good sense of humor, have many buddies, my co-workers love me, and on and on.
The problem is I've come to accept what I'm telling myself - that I'm a loser, that I'm not good enough, etc. etc. Well, I went to therapy years ago, and there was a glimmer of hope that I could change my thought process and improve myself with the counselor's help. Trouble was, I did what I always do - gave up!
After just a couple of sessions - and I liked the therapist and what she had to say - I stopped going. Just quit - on myself, really. That's on ME, not the therapist. I believe that many people, who didn't think therapy helped, are quick to blame the therapist.
But when it comes right down to it, it's up to YOU to make it work. Listen, absorb, talk it out, let your feelings and fears out. It's said you should go get help. Well, that's the key word - HELP. He or she that you are paying to see are there for you, but they can only give advice. They can't do the work you must put in to change.
Change is very difficult. I regret giving up on therapy. I think it was helping me, - in fact I know it was - but it was up to me to stick it out when the going gets rough. I didn't do that, and that was a mistake.
Sure, therapy probably isn't for everyone. And maybe you think they'll put you in a psycho ward or think you're a loser. That's the furthest thing from the truth. Give one a chance - sometimes our problems seem so great that we figure "what's the use?". But you've GOT to try - and then try harder. It's your life. Don't you want it to be better? Of course, you do.
If you DO go to therapy, don't think they are going to perform a miracle. A drug addict or alcoholic, for instance, may need several attempts to be successful at dealing with their problems. They have relapses - and it's not because they are weak. It's very very hard to admit you have a problem. And to keep going back for more help isn't a sign of weakness - it's a sign of STRENGTH.
If you THINK therapy won't work, guess what? It won't. Again, you control whether you are positive or negative - no one else matters in the end. You've GOT to do something if you want to change. And, by the way, it doesn't matter how old you are. I'm 60, and I'm finally going back to therapy. It's a long time coming. But I decided I don't want to spend the rest of my life being miserble. I've finally had enough - of ME and my fears and insecurities.
No one can do it for you, but like I said there is HELP out there. You deserve a better life. Go get one!