I cancelled therapy today. Last time I went to her, I told her I'm 90% loner, 10% hedonist. She said to drop the percentages. She said going with the flow would make me more stable. So I dropped the labels and just went with the flow. I became extremely symptomatic with my "voices" and even started starving myself to regain control. At one point, I had suicide ideation. So yesterday, I went back to 90% loner, 10% hedonist. As a result, I felt less bothered by the voices. I was able to secure two job interviews this week, apply for unemployment, and do some side work for my aunt which will might give me more money or will at least go on my resume. I feel energetic and positive.
My therapist also said I'm agnostic. She said go to church and go to the atheist group whenever the feeling moves me. I think that sounds like someone who's confused. I think I'm atheist and that some atheists are afraid to go to hell or are able to take a leap of faith later in life, like if they want their children to be "normal." I think deathbed repentance is par for the course in human history (which to be fair, she did mention).
What am I? A Buddhist monk? What makes her think I can just "go with the flow" and always be mindful like that? I think everyone is neurotic except for those who are "enlightened." I'm not this free spirit. I suspect the whole goal of therapy is to create someone who's a good worker bee and you can't really be asocial in the workplace.
What would you do?