where is this coming from
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where is this coming from

This is a discussion on where is this coming from within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; so im new to this forum but im looking for...something to help me with this. i have serve depression/anxiety lately ...

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Old 08-30-16, 06:46 PM   #1
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so im new to this forum but im looking for...something to help me with this.
i have serve depression/anxiety lately and i dont know where its coming from. it was just all of a sudden.
depression isnt something new to me ive had it before but its been pretty good for a long time and then just all of a sudden i have anxiety attacks and i am completely apathetic or really depressed.
as i said the depression isnt something new in my life ive had depression for a long time but not like this. in my lows i have thought of self-harming...not killing my self but just harming myself and i cant figure out the reason for this i dont see what it would achieve

i have had suicidal thoughts but it hasnt involved harming myself this is a completely different urge and it strong. i dont understand why i have this.

and yes i have had suicidal thoughts.
i dont know what to do right now. i dont have the money or insurance for a shrink.
my wife is no help. she understands what depression is and everything as she has suffered from it before as well but i dont feel comfortable talking about it to her. i did pretty much tell her everything i just said (except the self-harming part) and she didnt really have anything to say other than when i said i had suicidal thought i said i knew it was stupid and she said good it should feel stupid and to hold onto the revelation of it being stupid.
i need some insight on this
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Old 08-31-16, 11:41 AM   #2
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Hi there well to start with we dont always get to know why depression comes it can come for many reasons. It could be a chemical imbalance that just seems to come from nowhere. It could be in general your circumstances arent that good and gradualy its worn you down.
While it would be good to know why. It doesnt actualy change anything.
You have to deal with whats coming at you. And the suicidal urges and self-harm urges are important things to deal with or they can get out of hand.
If you just think of it as a symptom of depression. It doesnt need a cause. It just is. Its a symptom.
Self-harming can be something that seems to help at the time your doing it but it can become addictive and you end up doing it more and more. The best thing is to never start.
The urge to do it is just a thought in your mind at the moment backed up with emotions. But you can ignore them. You are the one in control not the thoughts and emotions.
You dont need to give in to them.
It is a strange thing wanting to harm yourself i can understand why your wondering where this has come from. But truth is no one can tell you. It just is!
But dont give in to ideas of hurting yourself. It sad your wife doesnt really help you talk about this.
Is there anyone else in your family to talk to ?
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Old 08-31-16, 07:50 PM   #3
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Hi, Whyarewehere,

Like Lillyj above wrote, it sounds like you are having a classic chemical imbalance-type of depression, because you are saying you don't know where it comes from. You didn't have any significant change in your environment lately? No job change, no relocation, loss of a pet, loss of a friend, etc?
But you are also saying that this is not the first time you feel depressed or suicidal. Could it be that someone/something (such as someone or something you passed by at a shopping mall) triggered some trauma memory that you have suppressed so far?

In any case, I think it may be an idea for you to access Lifeline USA (if you are in USA) and hit the Click to Chat button. It's a 24/7 and free-of-charge service. At least you can chat with a trained crisis supporter real-time, instead of leaving a message here and waiting for hours to hear back from someone else. Because you don't know where your depression is coming from, it sounds to me like you can benefit from a real-time dialogue, so the supporter can ask some basic questions and hear your replies immediately to assess your circumstances better.

Wishing you best of luck.
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Old 09-01-16, 09:54 PM   #4
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i havent really had any "triggers" that ive recognized (but then again some triggers are subconscious) i have good days and then i have day that are very very dark.
or i have days im fine for a while and then not. and i dont know what is causeing it.

if i could freaking figure out the "trigger" than i can fix it but i dont know what it is.

as far as significant life changes or environment changes. not really. my wife and i met some really good people over the summer and we are moving out of state with them.
and im not really freaked out about it. weve been trying to move out of state for a while just havent really had the opportunity
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