What, really, is the point
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Suicide Forums > Suicide


What, really, is the point

This is a discussion on What, really, is the point within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; So we all die someday. I read those "rules" CAREFULLY before posting this. A lot to swallow. I'm miserable. I'm ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-04-20, 11:49 AM   #1
New Member
 
greenfox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 6
My Mood:
Frog What, really, is the point

So we all die someday.

I read those "rules" CAREFULLY before posting this.

A lot to swallow.

I'm miserable. I'm 41, I've accomplished NOTHING... I have zero bills and debts outside of a few thousand dollars to creditors, a car payment, insurance, etc. And a phone bill I guess.

I live in California, and I hate it.

I just got out of a relationship and she doesn't want me back.

I'm living out of my car.

All my family lives in Florida or Ohio. None of them give a crap, or if they do, I don't know about it.

I tried posting that I was depressed on Facebook, my boss tore me a new one. For posting about being sad. He told me and I'm quoting here, "Grow something CLOSE to a set of balls and stop complaining".

I barely eat anymore. I used to have a drugs problem, but not really anymore. I don't even smoke weed. I sleep all day (when I'm not working one of my three jobs)

All I do is get sad.

The doctor gave me valium. It used to KIND OF work. Now it doesn't do crap.

I've heard ALL the platitudes, "Oh it'll get better" or "Oh OTHER people have it SO MUCH WORSE!" (worse than homelessness, having NO ONE?!?) or... "Talk to somebody" - yeah right, the suicide lines hung up on me twice.

I just have no will.

I read all the rules on this HEAVILY censored internet. How the hell can you even PRETEND to talk about this stuff without actually TALKING ABOUT IT?

It doesn't matter anyways. I don't have the balls to kill myself, I really don't.

So THERE. I won't be talking about plans or timelines because, every time i even THINK about it (which is a LOT) - I know I wouldn't have the balls. I couldn't even eat a pill if I KNEW 100% that it would work and that I wouldn't feel any pain.

I'm STUCK in the same job for 10 years, no health insurance, and my teeth are going to crap.

I tried religion, it doesn't work. I believe in a GOD but ....

the truth is I'm too smart. I really am. And I'm really lazy.

I know i'm jumping all over, but the TRUTH is I don't WANT to die. I want to meet a nice girl, (who the hell wants a 41 year old living out of his car?!?) and have a family. I've had people OPENLY tell me "Ohh, you're getting too old to have a family" ...

its all just such a whatever.

I have NO IDEA why I'm even posting this.

No one here is going to jump up and "help" me. I'm not going to find the woman of my dreams on a gawsh damn depression forum.

I just... the happiest part of my day is when I sleep- all day- in my car. On the days I'm NOT working, or doing uber/lyft... on the side.

i have no joys, no passions. I can't even watch t.v. (before I gave it away, I should say..) because... nothing holds my interest. I don't listen to music anymore unless I'm at work ("you should be GRATEFUL, YOU WORM! Some people don't even HAVE JOBS!") sure, sure

I've heard it all. The worst part is how well I can get on with COMPLETE strangers, but when people get to know me, they hate me.

I'm always alone, swimming in a sea of people that don't understand me- or worse, if they do, they RUN.

I've tried dating sites, it's a joke.
I'm not even BAD LOOKING, but.... *sigh*

I just don't know I don't even know WHAT to say here, without breaking some arbitrary rule or pissing someone off or saying something that's been said a million times.
greenfox is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-20, 11:21 PM   #2
New Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 3
Default

Hi GreenFox , I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad right now , I understand that you are going through a lot of negative feelings at the moment.

I think we should try to resolve your problems on by one , what part of your life would you like to improve on first and foremost?
BeStrong is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-20, 01:27 AM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 666
My Mood:
Default

Hi there. From your post I got, that you need someone. That might be a solution.
Well...life is no fairy tale. Companionship in a healthy way is mutual exchange of emotions, affection, resources and etc....on the other hand, you have to balance the giving part with having your own “thing”, some passion, something for yourself...
It’s not easy. But one thing for sure is that 41 yo for a man is nothing. You can still become whatever you want and have a girlfriend that you want.
__________________
The essence of life is growth.

The world isn't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place. And I don't care how tough you are, it'll beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You'll be a nobody. It's going to hit as hard as life. But it's not about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward...

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
InSearchOfPeople is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-20, 12:07 PM   #4
New Member
 
greenfox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 6
My Mood:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by InSearchOfPeople View Post
Hi there. From your post I got, that you need someone. That might be a solution.
Well...life is no fairy tale. Companionship in a healthy way is mutual exchange of emotions, affection, resources and etc....on the other hand, you have to balance the giving part with having your own “thing”, some passion, something for yourself...
It’s not easy. But one thing for sure is that 41 yo for a man is nothing. You can still become whatever you want and have a girlfriend that you want.
She took me back.

im so lucky,

I'm still homeless and that I hate!
greenfox is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-20, 02:57 PM   #5
New Member
 
NRebeccaS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 25
My Mood:
Default

Good for you!

Hey BTW I'm originally from CA and I hate(d) it too.

You have all my admiration for living life the way you do. I think I would have given up years before getting to where you are now. You sound not only smart, but really tough.

So keep it up :)
NRebeccaS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-20, 04:29 AM   #6
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 127
Default

please keep reaching out here.

we do care!
ayesha23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

« Afraid | In the end »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:09 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2