Ya know no one would even understand my story. I dont even know how to explain what I have went through. It happened 5 years ago. I'm still not over it. I'll never be over. But he is back in my life. WHY! How do I get away from all the memories? How do I push everything to the back of my mind and forget? I tried. Ireally did. I cant do it. I dont even want to hold on anymore.
No one even knows the whole story. You wanna know whats really messed up. When I told my Dad didnt even beleive me. They made me stay there. He wouldnt let me go back to my Mom. He made me stay around because apparantly I was going to tear the family apart with this nonsense.
His words to me were your older and should have been able to defend yourself so I dont believe it.
Do you know what that feels like? I think at that point my father lost all the respect I ever had for him. How can you say that to your own daughter. Not ot mention his wifes son. Not my brother not my step-brother- HIS wifes son. Used to hold a pocket knofe to my throat at any time anything happened.
Why should I hold on. I still live at home with my Dad, his wife and her daugher. Ihate it so much! I'm trying to get out of here so bad. I was living with my older sister but, well her boyfriend didnt like me so Igot sent back here.
Well tonight I found my Dad's wifes' sleeping pills. I figure if her son ruined my life I might as well take those from her and end my own. I have letters written out already. I want to do it so bad. But I find my self stopping. Like instead of doing it tonite I cut on my upper thighs. They cant see that.
I just... I really am becoming more and more depressed.