Hello everyone, as you can see it's my first time here. I register in the forum to talk about a feeling that i can't talk to anyone around me.
So just to put in the context:
I'm 33 y/o, teacher (love my job), have a decent house, decent income, practice martial arts, have a tiny social life, single but never wanted kids so i'm cool with that, not many friends but i'm a introvert so that doesn't bother me much usually like to be on my own. In general i can say i have a decent comfortable life.
I'm the past during my teens and early adult life i was severely depressed and had hard suicide thoughts even wrote an suicide note once but never went through and manage to recover. So i can say i'm not depressed (i think), at least not in the medical way.
That said in the last few years i started to feel hopeless about the world. I mean, i feel i don't want to live this world anymore.
I feel like a fish out of water, feel unconfortable among people, i don't like most of the stuff i see nowadays (books, movies, etc), i don't feel excited with pretty much nothing new that comes up not even good news, when i talk to random people i feel disinterested about what they say because most of the time they have just polarizing, radical or just plain exaggerated opinions wherever i watch the news i feels extremely disconnected and disappointed with society. Wherever i see those people complaining and protesting about stupid stuff like "There weren't enough black people in X movies", or "That show is mysogenist", "The earth is flat", "The communist are taking over" etc (not ignoring that there are racism or prejudice in the world just telling exemplifying some of those claims are plain ridiculous), politicians who only think about themselves, gloryfied stupid people (Kardashians, youtubers etc) the youth who is worringly dumber every day (i teach kids...it worries me), companies steal and sell your data, the nature being destroyed that make me feel deeply depressed.
I was not always like that, in the past even when i was depressed i had hopes for the future even though i didn't have any for myself. Nowadays i feel like i should be happy because i have a decent life but i'm not.
I feel i don't belong the world anymore, feel out of place.
Life is very boring even when i'm doing the things i like, there's no point. So boring i'm considering ending it, the "boredom of life" is growing in me everyday i'm afraid it might get unbearable soon.
I couldn't find any other person that feel the same way as i do in the same extent. I'm not sure what that is. Maybe it's some kind of philosophical depression? Nihilism? Mid-life crisis? Came to this forum to maybe find anyone who think the same.
English it's not my first language so i'm not sure if i manage to make my thoughts clear. I'm sorry for my mispellings and for the long post.
Thank you for reading.