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Want to die because. No woman wants me.

This is a discussion on Want to die because. No woman wants me. within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; i'm on the other side....i don't want to live alone any more and not even the guy who i had ...

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Old 05-01-10, 06:52 PM   #21
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i'm on the other side....i don't want to live alone any more and not even the guy who i had decided i'd 'settle' for....he ran as quick as he possibly could and jumped into a relationship with someone else in less than a week. oh...he refused to tell me...just announced it on facebook.

i haven't had a real/committed relationship in about 8 years or more and that one was a very bad one.

if i didn't have such bad depression...i could handle being alone and unlovable a little better, but with this depression it zaps everything from you and without a companion it feels there is nothing to live for.

i don't know how much longer i can take it either.
it's a horrid feeling of daily undesirable and unlovable-ness.
this is my vision of hell and why i struggle with believing in god these days.

at least you know you are not alone in your loneliness!
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Old 05-02-10, 04:04 AM   #22
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unlovable i understand how you feel. being alone is horrible...
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Old 05-03-10, 05:39 AM   #23
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feel the same way, eventually everyone just goes.

"friends" for a few weeks, then they're gone.

I'm meant to be alone as well, its the chosen path...

I've stopped having hope a long time ago, and events that continue to happen seem to just prove my negative thoughts...
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Old 05-03-10, 07:24 PM   #24
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Thanks all. It's a bit comforting to know that there are others. But everytime I step out the door, tons of reminders of how abnormal I am. The worst part of being in New York was the ridiculous number of attractive women of every type that I passed everyday. I spent so much time out and about that I had many opportunities to see them. I was constantly kicking myself for being such a dickless coward.

I just constantly see women with guys, women alone, women on tv, everywhere! Every time I see a woman I just think of how much of a loser I am again.

Some additional info. I'm not a virgin. I've had sex with a few women, messed around with a bunch, and have had flings with some guys (surprise). But I feel like I settled for whoever was willing to touch me. I've never successfully gone after a girl who gave me butterflies. There's always some crap excuse. And guys'll pretty much screw anyone, so that doesn't help much.
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Old 05-05-10, 12:20 PM   #25
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Guess I scared people off with that last post?
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Old 05-05-10, 01:06 PM   #26
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I'm not an expert on this, I'm sort of in the same boat because I rarely get the chance to meet women.

You say you have bad confidence. Women notice this. They see it in your behaviour and body language etc. It would be helpful to gain some confidence, or at least find a way to appear confident. I know it's a vicious circle you're in. You have bad confidence because women never seem interested, and women are rarely interested because you don't have much confidence. At least that's what I think my problem is, and possibly yours.

I have found that women are more interested when I behave more casual. You need to get to know women on a friendly basis, and not think of them as potential sex-partners when you meet them. I just talk to them like I would with a friend, and I never use any sort of pick-up lines or other lame attempts. One of the fastest (and one of the few :p) ways I have gotten a girls attention was by just having a normal conversation. I didn't have to do anything, she just took my hand and showed interest after less than an hour. In other words: I wasn't trying too hard.

Also: Many will say that sex isn't that important, but people who actually get sex don't know what they're talking about when it comes to involuntary celibacy. This WILL definitely bring you down.

Have you heard of Maslow's pyramide?


As you can see, Maslow presents a theory where you have your basic needs at the bottom, and the last priority needs at the top. Right after the basic physiological needs and needs for security, a person will require love. It's a pretty basic need imo, and Maslow's theory suggests that the higher points of the pyramide will be hard to reach, or difficult to fully appreciate without the lower needs.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

It's very normal that you are distressed by this, and anyone who says that this is not a real problem is probably just trying to cheer you up, even though they realize that this really sucks. You're need is completely normal, just like a human beings need oxygen to breathe.
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Old 05-05-10, 01:19 PM   #27
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First off, I'd like to say that I am in no way the expert of relationships. I am currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years. However, I hope to give some perspective of the female side of it.

I understand the sexual tension.. really, I do, my boyfriend literally lives across the US.. and I know it's hard not to think about sex. However, relationships aren't the only way to get sex. I'm in NO way saying to do this WHILE you are in a relationship, but before. Also, it is important to wear protection, don't be reckless; even with a girlfriend you would wear protection to avoid pregnancy.

After that it will be easier to approach women, without sex on your mind. As a woman, and I swear I am not trying to sound vain in any way, I find it very intimidating when guys approach me.

I know I cannot speak for all women, but often, when a random guy approaches me and starts making small-talk, I know where it is going to lead. THIS is where I start to get defensive because all I am thinking about is that this random guy picked me out and is expecting me to do things with him.. and it KILLS me to let the person down. I never want to hurt anyone.. especially someone who would take the time to notice me.

My problem is that, not many people would think I was telling the truth if I said, "I'm sorry I am in a relationship" and they ask me where my boyfriend lives and I say "across the country"? That sounds like such a complete lie.

However, I think the misconception of girls enjoying talking about themselves has led many, or at least some, men to instantly start asking questions... this happens until the point that you start feeling like you're being interrogated for a crime investigation. It isn't 20-Questions. It's about talking with another human being and seeing if you enjoy their presence and how they interact with you, not at you.

No one likes feeling as though they are prey and being hunted, the natural instinct IS to run if you feel like you are.

Also, it always kind of bugged me when a guy says, "she wouldn't even go on ONE date with me?" I understand it can annoy someone to not get the chance to express themselves and get to know the person for a night. However, the problem is that the one date comes with a lot of baggage and the inevitability that the one date will turn into more. At that point it will be even harder to turn down the guy because he will see it as even more of a rejection.

My advice to you would be to not hunt down a woman, especially if sex is the only thing on your mind while talking to her. Talk WITH her for a bit and let her know how you felt about the talk you two just had, "it was really nice talking to you.." If you are able to pick up any signs of attachment that the woman has towards you after the talk, then maybe say something like, "I really hope to see you around, kid (or something unique or funny for her to think about). If you'd like to hang out again sometime, I can give you my number." Make sure you make it clear that there are no strings attached. Saying you will give her YOUR number is 1) not asking anything of her and showing you are confident to not have to ask, and 2) putting her in a position of having control (which makes her feel less like she is prey). The odds are is that she will exchange her number with you anyway at the end of the conversation, out of common courtesy.

However, it's obvious that if you are not comfortable in the situation, she probably won't be either. So try to do this in an environment where you are comfortable and use that to your advantage.

I know it seems like a lot of work, but is it really if you're trying to find someone to share your life with? Sharing any amount of your time with another human being is valuable to you because you don't have an infinite amount of time in the world. Although, I don't think that men should be the only people pursuing and I think it's unfair that there is a automatic assumption that men should.

Well, that's my crappy 2-cents anyway. I hope it was somewhat useful to you and I really, really hope I didn't come off as a bitch or something. :( I am just extremely insecure and anxious so my take might be a little outlandish.

Anyway, I honestly hope things look up soon for you. Getting in a relationship is hard work; it may seem unfair and easy since there is the assumption that "good looking" people always get in the relationships. But really, those relationships are short-lived and most-likely bad if it's all about looks. It is hard FOR ANY human being to find a successful relationship, regardless of their looks. Take the horror that is Hollywood relationships, for instance *shudders*.

Just don't put too much pressure on yourself. You will find someone, whether you think so or not. Just relax and let things flow. It may help to think about it this way.. You will be with a girl, it's just a matter of finding which one you can love.
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Old 05-05-10, 07:30 PM   #28
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I just wanted to comment that Oneofthose's reply was great. I feel you pain bro, I just got my divorce papers saturday. People who use those "sex aint important" cliches are nuts. Its onea the things (amongst many) drivin me insane since the X bailed. Reread that last post theres alot of good advice in there. And F it bro, fake that confidence if you have to, just play relaxed and not cocky. Its hard as hell to do, I know. Hang in there.
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Old 05-07-10, 09:25 PM   #29
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Thanks so much, oneofthose :) It looks like you put a lot of time and thought into your post. All of your observations and advice are logical and reasonable to expect someone to do if they really want to change.

But I just donít have the energy. Iíve already tried so hard. And people say 28 is young, but I've been wanting this for like 13 years. And time flies. People always say they're going to do things later and then don't. Iím not a chill-and-see-what-happens kind of guy. This is really helpful in other areas of my life, not so much in the romance area. There are guys who go out with the sole intention of finding a woman to have sex with and they succeed. I envy them. I want to be them. They are cool. I am not. I am a loser. I donít expect to be able to seduce every woman I pass on the street, but come on, I should be able to nail a drunk woman every once in a while, like a real man. Iím not a real man. Iím a coward. I want everything to be easy. Only long-term solutions will help, but I donít have long term energy.

Buckethead, Iím familiar with Maslowís hierarchy. I guess Iím stuck in the Love/Belonging layer. So without sexual intimacy (or possibly acceptance of my lack of it), I canít move to the Esteem and Self Actualization layers?

I really donít know what I expect people to do for or say to me. I guess i just want someone to fix the problem for me. The problem is Iím tired of waiting. I guess I can accept that it will eventually happen. But why should I continue trudging through life just with the hope that things might improve and Iíll feel a little less crappy about myself? Thatís not very exciting. That doesnít exactly make me happy to be alive.

And paying for it is expensive. Some guys say itís never really free though (time, money, energy).

Iíll talk to my LCPC and see if she can talk me down.

I know Iím placing too much importance on this. I donít know if I want love or sex more. I think Iíll take whatever I can get.
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Old 05-09-10, 02:00 AM   #30
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motivational speech for you:
do you like to go out to concerts, parties, places where there is music? if so, i recommend going to one of those, make sure it's good music that you like, and go DANCE! it might sound dumb, but dancing is a great way to connect with others (and yourself). and it's fun!! go get out there and have a good time. raise your spirits up, and while you're at it, flirt with some ladies! keep your focus on having fun, and don't worry. you're going to succeed at this. who knows, you might succeed really soon!! just get yourself up and out there. do it this week if you have time! no excuses, now! go on!
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