I am a 25 year old male who's run out of energy. I've spent over two years trying to get everything back together but with severe disability I have just run out of steam.

I have read the a well known book and have bought all the needed items. I have also written a Living Will, Last Will and Testament, an explanation note wit a paragraph to people who matter and put my affairs in order as much as possible. I have washed my favourite suit and shaved so I look respectable.

The problem is that I have severe OCD, medication-resistant Depression and was in the process of being diagnosed with Asperger's. All of these things combined had already left be housebound. I lost contact with friends and family over a year a go as they found it too hard to deal with me. The only thing keeping me going was a relationship which was hard, but gave me some hope to try and move forward.

Everyone has their reasons and everyone faces different traumas throughout childhood and growing up but I felt that has also contributed to my choice.

I have written lists of things I will miss and things I won't - I have been trying really hard to find a reason not to but each time I look at the list I feel heartbroken. I was given a fantastic education at a very good boarding school, earnt good qualifications, started a great career and don't worry about the normal things people worry about. BUT the small things that people take for granted I can't do.

I have given this a lot of thought but find it hard to carry out the actual act and it really annoys me. I know it's not easy but why can't I do it?

I came to my conclusion over a long time and after looking at it from various angles. I have spoken with the Samaritans (UK) and with the local mental health services, obviously if I told them my plan I would be sectioned which does not appeal.

I think this really sums everything up: "Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain". I read that on a website and fully agree with it. It's not something I particularly want to do, but I don't feel I have a choice as my resources have been far exceeded.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Thank you.

Hey Piers,

your final solution 'Seems' like the only way?
There is ALWAYS another way.
It may be the harder way, I admit, but there is always a choice for you.

I'm not going to try to talk you out of or away from anything. I too know the pain of helplessness and despair, and yes, it hurts like no other pain.
All I want to do is try to make you think.
Ending it all is final! No changing your mind. No alternatives, hard or easy. No fixing what you've done, no undoing it.

Being disabled, and the possibility of a deterioration due to Asbergers must indeed be a frightening prospect for you, and I so hope that some of the things I say to you will help lighten that burden even a little for you.

If I could enquire and suggest?
Have you anyone at all with whom you could talk and share even these dark and frightening thoughts? Maybe a family friend, relation, anyone?
Personally, I think even a sharing of these frightening feelings and thoughts may help at least lighten you in spirit. Maybe not to expect you to reverse your decision, but even to confirm to you yourself, that you are doing what you really feel is the only way for you.
Choose wisely, young Jedi, as I'm sure a word in the wrong ear would have you placed under close scrutiny.

I can't agree with you Piers, nor would I condone any such attempts at ending things so, but all I ask is that you seriously, SERIOUSLY consider any possible alternative route.
What you're contemplating is ultimate, final, irreversible.
I understand what pain can drive a body and mind to, so personally, wouldn't chastise nor berate you or anyone who comes to such a decision, but again ask you to please reconsider one more time, and/or try so hard to find one person who you feel might understand, AND keep their mouths shut.
They say 'Life is Hope!', so Piers, don't deprive yourself of one last hope without going over it and it's most vague alternatives one last time from start to finish.
What you're contemplating gives no second chances ever. No mercy. No pity or help. No hope!