When I sit and think about my future, I can't see anything, I just see myself growing older and not achieving anything. I don't see much point in life. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up, but whenever I think about that, I suddenly think, "no I don't want to go just yet" but then why would I want to stay alive? I still remember my counsellor saying "remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel" and indeed I did have a short period of happiness but now it's all come crashing back down. It's not my family, nor my friends, it's myself. I have severe hirsutism and I've never had a serious boyfriend. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate this cruel world. Why me? I get such bad suicidal thoughts, my chest literally aches badly. I want to leave this world, but then again I don't?

Hi sweetlemons

I am sorry you are feeling this way right now. We are happy to hear you. Are you still seeing that counsellor? It would be good for you to be talking to someone you have confidence in. I once read a good quote about that light at the end of the tunnel by a feminist. She said don't bother waiting for it, walk into that tunnel with a box of matches and light it yourself. I have always been inspired by this.

There are people who care about you and are willing to listen

((((hug))))

You felt happiness before, so you can feel it again. That is why you are holding on, because part of you knows/feels that things can get better. You can achieve things, it takes strength and perseverence. You can go down the wrong path and that can sometimes take years to discover. Then you just start out anew, but more experienced, and wiser.

It's a painful thing to not want to live and not want to die. What this really means is you don't want to live as you are living now. So you need to make changes. Some will be small, some will be large. Start out with small, easy changes. What is broken? How does it get fixed? What depresses you? How can you change your mindset?

Seek out new experiences, go to places you haven't been before. Do something different, just to get out of the same monotony. Anything can help, even small things.