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This is a discussion on Tired... within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; Im about to end my life... i had been thinking several times for more than a week now and i ...

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Old 05-14-18, 10:15 PM   #1
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Im about to end my life... i had been thinking several times for more than a week now and i guess ill do it.

i grew up in a broken family, my mom abandoned me when i was born since she wanted fo fullfil her dreams. my paternal grandparents too care of me. at the age of 3 my mom went back and stole me from them, she went to singapore but she left with her aunt, with her promised to give a monthly allowance, after my mom left, she never called nor contacted my grandma. my grandma is good to me sometimes, but her daughters are not, at age of 7 i used to clean the house, wash the dishes and i became thier running errand. when i was in 6th grade my grandma cant no longer take care of me since she already lost her job, she turned me over to my uncle ( mom's brother ) . that was the time that i had a chance to met my mom ( over the phone ) she already lived in Canada. i stayed at my uncle's house while my mom sends money for my allowance, my uncle is nice but her wife is not, i never felt i was part of the family, even my mom sends money, she still makes me feel that im just an additional mouth to feed. i graduated high school, it was also the time that my grandfather died. my mom went back to show her last respect, it was my first time to see her. i was so excited, so happy and all. but she made me feel that i am not her daughter anymore. she told me to look for my father and asked assistance so i can go to college, she told me that she never declared me as her daugher in Canada so it is impossible for her to bring me there, plus her new husband doesnt know everything about me.

My uncle and his wife told me to look for my father since my mom cant no longer send money for me. i was able to find my father's family, but he already has his own family and his mother in law doesnt know anything about me , so i cant stay with them. i have no place to live, been sleeping in church, streets , waiting shed. ive done so many things so i would be able to afford to eat and have shelter. i worked and study at the same time, finished college.

i met a guy whom i thought will be the answer to my prayers so i can have a family of my own. i got pregnant, he is jobless so i work for us and for his family. after 5 years i found out he is having an affair with our neighbor. i left and bring my child with me. i struggled a lot, working , being a mom, i have to leave my 5 year old kid alone so i can work, my salary is not enough for all our expenses.

i recently met a guy, he made me feel so special, so happy, he asked me to stop working because he promised he will come here in my country to see me. i resigned, i depend on him, i always try to tell him let me work because he keeps on saying he is coming next month but its been almost a year but he never been here.

he disappeared . my life seems fall down, i depend on him too much, i loved him so much, he disappeared without saying a word. been trying to contact him but he never answered. im getting tired of being temporarily being happy, everything i hoped for, just a simple love i cant have it. yes i am now struggling with financial issuses and emotional issues. what makes me more weak is because of my child, school year is about to start but i cant do anything. if i die.. im sure his father will start to do somethibg for him.
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Old 05-14-18, 10:51 PM   #2
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I am so sorry, sweetheart. You have had a lot of challenges in your life. I wish I could give you a hug.
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Old 05-14-18, 11:23 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sadness4 View Post
I am so sorry, sweetheart. You have had a lot of challenges in your life. I wish I could give you a hug.
i wish too
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