Thinking of suicide again
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Thinking of suicide again

This is a discussion on Thinking of suicide again within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I do not know where to start other than I am much worse than before. It is a conglomerate of ...

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Old 02-25-19, 08:49 PM   #1
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I do not know where to start other than I am much worse than before. It is a conglomerate of the successive things that happen in my life. I am tired of having hope, then being drug down by my medical problems, being drug down by people treating me like shit, being further drug down from being depressed by those things, then clawing my way back up working on hope only to barely scratch the surface of normalcy if at all but still functioning, and then the cycle just flippin' continues. I am tired. I just want to die. I recently fired my therapist of 3 years with just an email because of how our last session went. I do not feel therapy works for me. I have tried it all DBT, CBT, talk therapy, energy work, etc. Nothing works. Nothing sticks.

I have failed at everything in my life and I am sick of the cycle. I have so many problems I am too tired to tackle them. Having a support system is not helpful. No one understands me. I find it quite easy to conceptualize why I am the way I am.

I do not want to be here. I do not want to try anymore.
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Old 02-26-19, 02:54 PM   #2
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Hello Angie, I know where your at. Been there done that! First, myself included, am a perfectionist and that just sets you up for failure. I don't know if that is your case (and tell me if it is). How I got out of it. First, I was stuck on prescription pills so I went to rehab by myself and got off them. After that every day was a struggle. What always kept me going? I knew this was all temporary and to focus on the future (and a better life). I took one day at a time and always thought of how I wanted things to be. I started to work out every day -- that helped a lot! Secondly, eating the wrong food. I started to eat better because I found that some things like sugar and coffee can mess you up in all the wrong ways - both mentally and physically. Third, stay busy all the time. If your busy then you don't have a chance to think about much -- it helps!
The last thing I can say right now is pay attention to your thoughts. If they are negative then just tell yourself - that's negative and bad for me -- so I won't, or at least try, not to think negative thoughts. If you pay attention to this then you'll see how badly your thoughts affect yourself. Buy self help books or look on line in thinking positively. Oh, I was cutting too so that tells you how bad I was. Please respond back if you would like to chat more. Steve.
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Old 02-28-19, 05:49 PM   #3
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Hi angie, i do understand, i am at that point again also for the unable to count time, nothing seems to permanently help just a series of short duration fixes, but still we know we have to keep going, fight on, im hopeful you find permanent relief
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Old 03-04-19, 08:23 PM   #4
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Hi Stephan! Thank you for your response. You are correct in the perfection piece. In looking at your suggestions they are all good and things I have done and been consistent with. My life is broken record regarding this. I am not lying or exaggerating in that the people I meet have told me they think I am cursed. Bad things happen to me over and over again and due to these things I am not resilient but in looking at my past and current situation how can I honestly be. It is really difficult to get across all I have done and what has happened to me in the past several years. A lot of trauma. Big T and little t. The repeititive trauma I have had has done a number on my brain. I honestly want a new life meaning not ever being me and all of my problems.

Hi surfcaster! Thank you for your kinds words. I pray for permanent relief. It just does not seem it will ever happen. I have hope and then something bad happens (bad meaning not like I tripped or anything so my day is ruined. I am talking like medical stuff, chronic issues, people treating me poorly over and over again, being misunderstood, etc) and it throws me back 50 steps.

I am tired of struggling and just want to live my life. I am married to the medical community and it has been this way for years. I do not know the answer. I know that stuff happens everyday to people. I am not talking about everyday stress. I have high stress situations on top of the stress from just day to day living. Just exhausted.
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