I do not know where to start other than I am much worse than before. It is a conglomerate of the successive things that happen in my life. I am tired of having hope, then being drug down by my medical problems, being drug down by people treating me like shit, being further drug down from being depressed by those things, then clawing my way back up working on hope only to barely scratch the surface of normalcy if at all but still functioning, and then the cycle just flippin' continues. I am tired. I just want to die. I recently fired my therapist of 3 years with just an email because of how our last session went. I do not feel therapy works for me. I have tried it all DBT, CBT, talk therapy, energy work, etc. Nothing works. Nothing sticks.
I have failed at everything in my life and I am sick of the cycle. I have so many problems I am too tired to tackle them. Having a support system is not helpful. No one understands me. I find it quite easy to conceptualize why I am the way I am.
I do not want to be here. I do not want to try anymore.