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This is a discussion on suicide within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; hello i've been thinking about killing myself a lot recently. i tried to do it about a week ago. i've ...

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Old 02-08-13, 08:31 AM   #1
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hello

i've been thinking about killing myself a lot recently. i tried to do it about a week ago. i've just been thinking about it very matter of factly recently, it seems inevitable that i will do it. i just need to muster the courage to go through with it. i suppose i'm a little bit scared. i don't know what i expect from posting on here, i just don't have anyone i can talk to about this kind of thing. so it'd be nice if i could talk to some people here, about anything really.

Last edited by Forest; 02-08-13 at 09:58 AM.
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Old 02-08-13, 08:44 AM   #2
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Welcome to TTL :)

I'm sorry that you've found yourself in such a bad place right now, you're amongst friends here. Many people here have been, or are, in similar positions.

Suicide seems like a quick answer to a whole load of complex problems. However, often it is anything but quick and more people fail than succeed. It's a dangerous thing to try and can leave you far worse off than you were and still very much alive. The body was not designed to expire easily, it's very stubborn and resistant under normal circumstances. There are hardly any suicide methods that can't, and haven't, gone wrong. There are so many variables.

Even putting that aside, suicide is not a solution to anything. It's an end not only to bad but to good. It's an end to everything. Everything that you have fought for you lose. Those who are left behind are left to pick up the pieces and their lives will never be the same. Those who read about your story, or hear about it, are affected. It's sadness from end to end, there is no victory for anyone. Many people feel like their death simply won't matter but that is hardly ever true. You might have no family, no loved ones and you might live in isolation but your death can still affect someone. Someone out there may try and follow your example and another tragedy is born from your own.

I would urge you to fight against this. As bad as your life has been you still have a chance while there is breath in your lungs. Rather than spend your time focusing on the end, try to think of a beginning. Try to think about any one thing that might make a difference, no matter how far away that thing seems to be. Identify it, tell us about it and let's see if we can help you with it. For everything that you have tried in life there are always any number of different angles to try. There are so many strategies for everything that we do in life and you can't possibly think of them all. Other people can give you new perspective.

Hang in there please.
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Old 02-08-13, 09:05 AM   #3
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the only reason i do not kill myself immediately is because it would hurt my parents. only over time i find myself worrying less about that. i don't want to hurt them but i think that one night i will be drunk and miserable and will try again. my life sucks, everyday all i really want to do is off myself. it will hurt my parents if i suicide but i hurt them everyday by being a complete failure. killing myself is inevitable and i may as well get it done. i feel so sad.
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Old 02-08-13, 09:24 PM   #4
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It won't hurt your parents, it will destroy them.

If at all possible, find a way to communicate with them. Talk to them about what is going on with you and give them the opportunity to help you.

Suicide in not ever your only option, but depression gives us a sort of tunnel vision and it is hard to see other paths. That is why it helps to speak with someone else.
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Old 02-09-13, 07:43 AM   #5
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i can't talk to my parents about this. i am going to see a therapist next week but i dont know how helpful that'll be. i know i can't be too honest with them about suicide because then they put you in a hospital.

every night i get drunk, and i know that one night i may get too drunk and feel really down and attempt to kill myself again.
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Old 02-10-13, 07:47 PM   #6
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I hope your therapy session goes well.

Going to a hospital seems like a better alternative than death.
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Old 02-10-13, 07:56 PM   #7
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i've thought about admitting myself a couple of times. just to do something new. does anyone have any experiences of those places they'd like to share? i'm just curious really.

i wouldn't want my parents to know the extent of my depression. i'm always surprised by how anti suicide people on these sites are. maybe it's just because we can't encourage suicide, i don't know. i was gunna say something, but i don't wanna break the rules.
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