I feel as if I should discuss before I make any final decisions, obviously I'm seriously considering suicide but I don't feel sorry for myself upset or sad, I just haven't experienced anything in life that has had a greater effect on me than the negatives I've gone through.
I've split up with my gf of just under 5 years and I guess I was distracted thinking I would just settle for what she wanted. Its over now for good and I'm with somebody else who is a nice person treats me right, has a good job nice house supportive parents, money . She's convinced herself she loves me. But it's not enough to stop me feeling like this. There's honestly nothing more or less she could do. It's not her.
I suffer from autism among other things and already feel detached from society, the main problem I feel is that there is literally nothing I really really want. Like when it comes down to it and I'm searching for a goal to work towards I can always think of reasons why it would never work. And the main reason always seems to be its not actually what I want. Yeah sure if I was to have millions I could live a lifestyle where it was possible to constantly distract myself from my true feeling towards earth and humanity. That or alone with my dogs somewhere in the Caribbean with endless weed lol. But neither example is exactly realistic.
I've had numerous attempts on my life by others and when it came close to me not making it I was calm and content and ready to leave. I wish that I had of been murderd because I don't like the idea of suicide. If I was too go through with it, it would be in another country so anyone who knew me wasn't aware I was even dead. Funnily enough this seems like the only goal I actually want to work towards. What do you do when genuinely nothing intrests or motivates you in this life?