A Story of A Bully Victim
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A Story of A Bully Victim

This is a discussion on A Story of A Bully Victim within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; Dear world. I have tears in my eyes, and a sorrow in my heart, as im writing this. I don't ...

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Old 09-02-08, 03:27 PM   #1
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Dear world.

I have tears in my eyes, and a sorrow in my heart, as im writing this. I don't know how much longer i can last. No matter what i try to do, it always seem to result in something bad. Something really bad. Jesus christ. The lonelyness is killing me. I know that im against all odds in this one, and im problaly just gonna get grounded again, wich will just result in another cruel defeat. But for my own advantage, i've been against all odds in my entire life, so that's not something new for me. Fortunately, this will be the last defeat for me, since this seems to be a dead end for me.

I've chosen to write my entire life story anyway, regardless of how many people is gonna insult me,bully me,etc. With the last remaining powers that i have left, i will try to explain everything in details, so people in the future will know about the truth behind my country. And how we really treat people here. I have to apoligize in advantage, for my poor english.

I guess i have to introduce myself before i start. I have chosen to keep my name anonymous, for security reasons. Im a 20 year old guy, who has been born into a hell hole filled with torture,evil,pain,beatings,sorrow,depression and psygological terror. This is not as bad as it sounds. It is actually far more worse. My strong side is my view on what is ethically correct, in comparingson to human rights, etc. This actually seems to be a disadvantage for me, in my everyday life. So im not quite sure wether this is a strong side to have, or just a weakness.

I have tried to explain this to several people in denmark, but none of them really seemed to care. And for those who did actually care, thank you. Unfortunately, many of these people seems like they are not able to handle my problems, and neither am i. This usually results in another conflict, where i always withdraw as the loser. In my opinion, the only "real-loser" is the person who ignores anbody in need, or simply just insults the person instead. How in the world does my fellow danes manage to stay calm and careless, when we have a generation of people ( including myself ) cutting our arms, because we feel terrible with being ignored. Crying ourself to sleep everynight, with no one to hear us. Being left alone to suffer in a torment of depression and sadness alone for ourself?. And how come that it is actually allowed to beat up a person in need, force a person to take anti psychotic pills ( without the person being psychotic at all ), and basicly just doing anything terrible to that person?. Holy fuck man. This is too much for me too handle. At least alone.

Before i start, i would just like to state the fact that everything in this story is true. It has actually happened in real life. It is quite a long story, so i will just start by posting this topic. Whenever im able to fight, i will continue with writing this story, starting from the day i was born.
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Old 09-02-08, 07:59 PM   #2
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I'm glad that you found your way here; there are an incredible amount of people that will listen. We care about you, and no matter what you think; there are no dead ends in the maze of life. All of us are just here to listen and to help you. You need a shoulder to cry on? You can cry on mine! If you've made it twenty years, I'm sure that you're stronger than you see yourself as. We're here for you, just don't give up now.

Keep writing.
Keep praying.
And know that you will never, ever be alone in this world.
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Old 09-04-08, 05:10 AM   #3
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thanks alot man. That was really a warm welcome. I will continue with writing on my story. And im glad that your not acusing me for being wrong. That's the last thing i need now, after all these times that i have tried to open up myself. Yeah i could really use a shoulder to cry on :BIGweepy:
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Old 09-04-08, 06:13 AM   #4
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i can't quite figure out how to edit my first post, so im just gonna continue to write the rest of my story by repling in new comments.

It all started the day that i was born. My dad left my mom, after that they have had a screw up in her bed. My mom couldn't handle the truth or neither was she able to handle the fact, that she were left all alone with me. Instead she tried to commit suicide, and I went into a deep depression, a confusion, and my own personal inner crisis. I was left at a children's home when I was about five years old. At this point, i had already generated my depression. I were brougth to the children's home after my mom left me. I arrived in tears and crying. Nobody seemed to care. At that time of my life, i wasn't able to understand why my parents wasn't there for me. And neither am i now. I had an emotional breakdown in such an early age, and my life had barely begun. I was told by the people who delivered me to the children's home, that i could always walk up to the personnel that were at work that night. I came crying up to them, but they just started to yell and shout at me instead, and i was imidially told to go back to bed. I cried myself to sleep that night. All alone. This is were i just realized, that loneliness had just become my worst nightmare. From what i have experienced so far, i am obviously able to handle basicly anything that the has to offer. But nobody can survive all alone for themself. And neither can i.

I got up from my bed the next morning, and i was greeted by my fellow room mates, with beatings. They were about twize my size, and i was completely outnumbered. They had a sleep mat laying in a room, that was designed as a gymnasium. They rolled me around inside the sleep mat, so i couldn't move. This was were my claustrophobia were created. And i still have it the day today. They then started to beat me up while i was completely helpless.

The days seemed endlessly long, and everyday at the children's home, seemed to be quite similar to my first day. Untill one day, were i was pushed out from a indoor climbing frame. I fell right down into a radiator, with my left arm taking the first hit. It broke imidially. The pain was intolerable, and i screamed a scream of pain at the moment that i hit the radiator. We took a cac to the nearest hospital, and i cried yet another time, all the way to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital, and this is were the real nightmare started. The doctors screwed up my arm, by doing a classic, so called surgery screw-up. At the day today, i have tremendous pains in my left elbow, togheter with a huge scar, wich togheter dominates a huge part of my left arm. I have been to some check-ups, regarding my arm, at various hospitals. The answer has always been the same: "my left elbow has been operated perfectly, and therefore there is no reason to operate it again". Im gonna upload a video on YouTube, so you can judge for yourself, wether you think that is is "operated perfectly" or not. Remember that it is always easier to judge a person from the outside, since you can't feel his or her pain, but the person who is actually living with the pain, is the true one who suffers the most. And i really do apriciate the chanche that i have got, to write my enite story on this forum. Thank you.
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Old 09-06-08, 12:24 AM   #5
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You may reply,please. I will continue to write anyway. Need somebody to talk to about this.
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Old 09-06-08, 02:37 PM   #6
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Hi Joe, I'm very touched by your story and I'm almost in tears! I think none of these are your fault, and you don't deserve any of these! If you don't mind I'm very very willing to be your friend, please continue telling me your story I want to listen.
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Old 09-06-08, 11:14 PM   #7
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Well, my name is not Joe, but thanks anyways. The post you just made really touched me. You have no idea how many times i have cried just by thinking at it. But it always helps to share with the rest of the world. I will indeed continue to write. And yeah we could be friends, do you have an msn adress?
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Old 09-07-08, 11:03 AM   #8
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Hi I'm really sorry calling you Joe I don't know why I thought you were :)

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Old 09-14-08, 02:17 AM   #9
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Apparently, this wasn't enough for the doctors at the hospital. Through my battle with life, for the past 20 years, and through the battle against the evil surrounding me, i have discovered the sad truth. While the adrenaline continued to pump in the veins of the psychotic doctors at the hospital, my childbody was punished yet another time. Because the fact is, that things can always get worse. But they will never get better. If you are born with a faith in trust,hope and a better life, then it will continue to follow you, untill the day that you decide to quit it all by ending your pain by comitting suicide. And if you then continue to get stabbed by the endless horde of people who wants to destroy you completely, then you will just get hurt yet another time. Wich will then just add to the already extreme amounts of sad and violent happenings, that have already occured. This is what i have learned, and this is what my life is all about. Experiencing endless amounts of torture,pain,sorrow,depression,beatings,bullieng,s urgery screw ups,etc. What a sad feeling it is to be used as a dumpster for all the dirty little secrets lurking in the depths of Denmark.

The doctors decided to force me to go through another screw up. This time, they were aiming for a little more private and personal part of my body. At an age of 10, the doctors decided to cut through the lower parts of my body. This has resulted in such an extreme screw up, and such an extreme psychological pain, that i just cant take it... jesus christ... i need to lay down for a bit... the emotionality and the sad memories are overwhelming me... :BIGweepy:
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Old 09-19-08, 10:47 PM   #10
 
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Don't let them win my brother - DO NOT let them destroy you. You are not alone, there are many of us who have felt ugly, bitter pain. What you find when you reach out to the right people, is that they will rach back and embrace you. Don't give up the fight.

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