Sinking again...
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Sinking again...

This is a discussion on Sinking again... within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; My suicidalness is over the roof today. I am just feeling awful to being that person who is always getting ...

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Old 10-28-14, 04:31 PM   #1
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My suicidalness is over the roof today. I am just feeling awful to being that person who is always getting hurt by others, one always being the target, the victim. I am just sick of being a victim of everything and everyone, is there anyone in this world that will be nice to me. I am seriously doubting it, i feel like everyone i meet/have met are against me, and they really are, well at least most of them... Through being beaten by parents every single day, through having eyes full of tears every single day of my childhood, through crying for being accepted by others, being offended by others, punched kicked by others, offended for what i am, makes me wonder, why endure it? Man would think it would stop after turning 18, but here i am, 21 year old, whose willingness to help everyone is constantly abused, and is constantly offended by everyone, and being laughed at, ignored, everything!!! I am tasting my tears for 30 mins or so now, i just hate it, i hate being treated that way, and yet i am and probably always be treated like crap i am. It just sucks. I highly doubt i will make it through it, through this night. Just sucks...
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Old 10-28-14, 04:46 PM   #2
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nsdimitrije~I'm deeply sadden to read this posting. For all the kind support, you give here to so many, it hurts to read this posting. Hope you don't mind my own suggestion on here. It's time for you to take a stand for what you believe in & the way you "allow" people to treat you. I've been were you are now. I understand & can relate to how painful it all is to endure. Remember one thing though dear, YOU ARE in control of who you allow to hurt you or allow their words to hurt you. It's taken me, MANY years to realize that "simple" aspect of things. You need to stop the abuse within your life, no matter who's doing it dear. It's NOT right for someone else to put their "paws" on you in any way, but a kind/loving mannor.

I may not have the greatest of advice right now, but believe me, take some "stock" in what I'm saying dear. In the mean time, we're all here for you.
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Old 10-28-14, 04:51 PM   #3
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Stay strong NSD you are an amazing person. Your support to me has me have helped me greatly.

I'm really sorry you are feeling this way too.

Please be safe.
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Old 10-28-14, 07:59 PM   #4
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I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way nsd, This is a lot to go through my friend.. Commitment to your program sometimes make you feel as if your life will always be like this because you're in the same place with the same problems for a long period of time, so you just have to hang in there until it's over, until you graduate and be independent... you'll have more choices as where to live, who you want to be around and everything else.. There's a better life waiting at the end of that tunnel, I guarantee it.. so don't let this beat you down, Things are bound to get better for you and you don't wanna miss out on it
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Old 10-28-14, 09:05 PM   #5
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Honestly you have much more going for you than I right now. Truly good people seem to be hard to find anywhere. It is understandable when people don't appreciate but instead abuse you in many ways.
Especially when you think you have actual friends or associated with ok people something happens to remind you of how awful some people can really be.
You are 21 so there is still time to turn things around as past 25+ it gets really hard.
Hopefully you will get through the week remembering that there are still things you can do to get by and succeed on your own terms.
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Old 10-29-14, 03:02 PM   #6
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Thank you all for kind words and support, means a lot.


I hurted myself the night i wrote this, and my bad feelings dont seem to vanish, i am grateful that i lived through that night, and even managed to pretend that everything is fine today, when nothing in fact isnt. And now, i am sitting here again, crying, alone.
Today, one guy crossed the line in torturing me, he asked me if anything is wrong, i said no, everything is okay, he said: your wife must have died or something , made me remember of my passed away girlfriend.
People just love hurting me and there is nothing i can do to change it. Some hurt me verbally (parents, friends, all people i know), some hurt me physically (parents, some people from my early days of life, some people from middle school and highschool), some degrade me, some make fun of me, some enjoy my misery (everyone that i have ever met in real life do those things).

I just cant seem to progress, suicidal thoughts wont go away, tears wont dry, my eyes are so red, so swollen so hurt. My soul is crying, i just cant, i just cant seem to make it, to make it in this life. I am always against suicide, but i am afraid of what will happen every night now.

I truly am a failure of person, always have been always will be a failure in every single way, or how i was called multiple times by my parents, i am failed abortion (not literally).
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Old 10-29-14, 04:49 PM   #7
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Ive been were you are. And i could say i am now.. listen my friend.. when you are feeling this way it can be extremely difficult to see a way out. But you wont be lost forever. You will rise above this. I usually listen to music when i feel this way. To help me feel alive... you are so giving and caring, and anyone who cant see that and doesnt appreciate that can shove off. But you! You are kind and special. And youre not alone.. you can beat the depression and the suicidal thoughta. You can rise above this.
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Old 10-29-14, 06:28 PM   #8
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I'll fly away,
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Old 10-30-14, 04:30 AM   #9
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Thank you all.


I spent night awake and i am so exhausted that those feelings vanished, my eyes hurt from crying, my arm is stinging, but hopefully all those bad feelings will stay away from me now.
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