I am seriously considering suicide. If it weren't for worrying about the reaction of my kids, I would do it. Also a little pissed about the lack of chat rooms or otherwise support groups online to deal with this issue. I review the National Suicide Prevention site and you have to call someone. I don't want to call, I want to chat.

My wife of 16 years has left me. My daughter won't speak to me. I have lost my house and will probably lose everything in my divorce. My health is failing and I might lose my job and insurance. I simply can see no hope for the future. I take anti-depressants and they don't work, take anti-anxiety meds and they don't work. Can't go to sleep until 4 in the morning and when I do I have crazy dreams because of the meds I am taking for depression and my chronic medical condition (which was just diagnosed after my wife filed for divorce.)

I am actually contemplating how to do it. To me, it would be better if my body was never found. So, I am considering just leaving a note and simply disappearing. That way, at least my family would not have to suffer with finding my body.

This is getting more hopeless by the day.

I'm so sorry you feel this way.

Please don't do it. I know life is hard and you have a right to feel the way you do. You've been through a lot. But suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary feeling. You haven't felt this way your whole life and you won't feel like this for the rest of it. There are steps you can take to make things better again. What would it take to reach out to your daughter, for instance? Take baby steps. Try not to look at everything as one massive, overwhelming black hole, but each problem as an individual one that can be solved.

There are many of us here who have felt suicidal (including me), though for different reasons than you. We are all here for you. Please stay strong.

Thanks for your response.

I have tried to reach out to my daughter and my efforts are fruitless. I have spoken to relatives about my feelings of despair and the response is typically to just learn to deal with the problem. No one seems to understand the pain I am suffering right now. It is simply unbearable. Furthermore, I blame myself somewhat for the divorce and am suffering not only from depression, but from shame and guilt. I am worth more to my kids dead than alive. I travelled away from home for years with my job, so it isn't like me not being around is any big deal anyway. About 2 month ago, I had a house in the country, loving kids, and a future. Now, I can barely make ends meet because my wife is bleeding me dry and my kids don't respect me. Plus, the disease I have gives me a chronic headache and hissing tinnitus in my ears.

Honestly, it feels like God is punishing me tenfold for every sin I have ever committed. I struggle with my faith and also feel like the lack of faith has allowed the devil to rule my life. I have gone to the trouble of trying to determine if Christians burn in Hell for committing suicide.

IT IS SIMPLY TOO MUCH RIGHT NOW. No one in my family or my friends or neighbors in the condo understand how I feel. NO ONE. Regardless of how much I try to explain the feelings of hopelessness to my family, they simply push them aside. Hell, my own mother bounces around like nothing is wrong....her eldest son is contemplating suicide and she doesn't really care. I am so sick of this crap.

Well, you have a right to be angry. It really hurts when people who should be there for you are not.

If you are religious, do you attend church? Is there someone there you could go to for help or support for the things you're going through?

Thanks again.

Yes, I am a member of a church, but as stated earlier my faith is severely lacking right now. Honestly, I could probably handle the divorce, my wife is really not a good person. But, the combination of the divorce and disease is overwhelming. Plus, although I get paid regardless of whether I am on the road or not, I am sitting at home right now with nothing to do. I go for walks daily, but nothing gets me out of the funk.

My sleep patterns have been disrupted and I stay awake until 4 in the morning and typically wake up about 8 or so. Try to go back to sleep, to no avail. I spend inordinate amounts of time on the internet looking at depression/divorce/disease websites hoping to find some relief...none comes.

4 months ago I was confident in myself, disease free, family loved me...now it is all GONE.

I have sent an email to an associate pastor at my church, but don't hold out much hope for a caring response.

I feel so sorry for my poor son. I have always been an active, confident, happy person with him and I love him so much, but his Dad has turned into a snivelling recluse who rarely smiles and does not enjoy any of the things we used to do together.

I read the Bible and review Christian websites related to this topic and understand all things happen for a reason and God's plan. That is why I feel I am being punished...it is God's plan to punish me for my past sins. Well, it is working for sure.

Again, I thank you for your kind responses, but this depression is simply too much to bear.

Know this: your kids need you. Even if your daughter is closing herself off to you now, she really does need you, and she will need you for her whole life. When I was a kid, my parents got divorced and I felt trapped in their battles. Sometimes I acted coldly toward my dad because my mom seemed so weak, it was like I had to be on her side to protect her. But I still loved my dad and wanted him in my life. The fact was that I was simply not yet adult enough to know how to navigate this painful, terrifying situation. So you see how there might be a lot going on behind your daughter's reactions that you can't see. Give her some time, and keep being there for her however you're able. And hell, just BE there when she's ready to work things out, if nothing else.

I recommend that you get outside, get off the computer and take some kind of action in your life. It sounds like you're not badly physically compromised, like you can get out of bed and move around and such. So please try hard to re-engage with life, even though it hurts. Sometimes you can start some momentum by getting things moving, and it will help your outlook. There are enough things of deep and true value in your life to make it worthwhile.

Thanks LBC,

Good advice and I will take it to heart. As you can tell from the time of this post, my sleep patterns are way out of whack right now. I typically go to sleep about 11 and now I can't nod off until around 4 or so.

Good night, or rather good morning,

Draino

Draino....
As the daughter of a divorce, I can tell you that there is just something that happens to girls when we witness divorce with our parents. I promise she will come around. Don't give up on her. Keep talking to her as much as you can. You will be in my thoughts ((((you))))