Scared and Hopeless
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Scared and Hopeless

This is a discussion on Scared and Hopeless within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I'm 27 and feel like this is my last lifeline. I think about killing myself multiple times a day and ...

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Old 04-29-19, 09:21 PM   #1
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Default Scared and Hopeless

I'm 27 and feel like this is my last lifeline. I think about killing myself multiple times a day and have for years now. At first, the thought of actually doing it seemed distant, but because of thinking about so much, I feel more and more comfortable with going through with it. I feel like I've dug myself in a hole that's so deep that I'm beyond the point of climbing out of it. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I've tried to handle it on my own for too long and now don't have the energy to change things. I'm so exhausted and scared that now even with help, it wouldn't be enough and suicide is inevitable. My head is so foggy that I can't write more when there's so much more that I wish I could write.
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Old 04-30-19, 03:12 AM   #2
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Hi Meric,

I'm not the greatest advice giver, but I will do my best.

Coming from someone who has been at the same place you are, I can understand to a certain extent what you're going through. I started down a pretty unstable path when I was 13.. I started drinking in secret whenever I could steal the booze from my parents after they had gone to bed, I would lay in bed all night and sob uncontrollably wishing that I would just go to sleep and not wake up while slamming booze, and more often than not would find occasional release through self-harm.

I'm 25 now and quite honestly I still can't say i'm truly happy in life. I've been fired and had to walk away from job after job after job, Some of which could have been life changing if I could have been given a chance. I rarely ever have any money in my pocket, and I don't have much to look forward to most times. The only thing I look forward to everyday is seeing my mom. She's the only good thing about still living at home. I can also say at 25 years old, I finally made an actual true and REAL friend who just doesn't use me and throw me away until the next time they need something from me like all my other "friends" used to do until i wised up and threw them out of my life.

After all these years can I say that life has gotten better? If i'm being perfectly honest with you, No I can't. However, Even with as shitty as things get and continue to get, and all the times I think I've been hit with the knockout blow and that I cant or don't have it in me to get back up, Something, albeit typically small, comes along and helps pull me off the edge.. I never thought in a million years I'd ever make a "true" friend. I always used to tell myself that after being hurt so many times and being used and abused by my old "friends" i was content with just being on my own, and most times, this still rings true. I'm an introvert and NEED my "me" time on my own to just decompress and "come down" even if the day was good.

I know this may be cliche and you've probably heard it a million times.. I've heard it my fair share and always rolled my eyes and thought "yeah, sure.. okay.. believe it when I see it". However, I can honestly say, Since I've experienced it.. Sometimes the best things come along when we least expect them and most times we're trying too hard to make things happen so they typically don't. It's when we take a step back and take a deep breath and stop looking for "it" that "it" typically comes to us. In my case, It was an unexpected friendship to help bring me back from the edge.
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Old 04-30-19, 11:00 AM   #3
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I cannot rely on these issues because i am a lover of life...I cannot imagine myself how people can think about leaving this [email protected]==you wrote this==**my head is so foggy that I can't write more when there's so much more that I wish I could write** we say===write more..I appreciate the posting of Big D93..
**Clouds come floating in my life,no longer to carry rain or usher storm,but to add colour to my sunset sky**
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Old 05-02-19, 06:35 PM   #4
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I am so sorry you feel that way. I am sorry I didn't see your post earlier. In the past couple of days has anything changed? What would you like to receive as support from this forum? I have been in your shoes and attempted suicide many years ago. Obviously I found a way to deal with it.

My point is everyone wants to be heard. They want to be understood and not have solutions suggested without knowing if you are not sure what you actually need.

So, my question is how can I help you? I can listen, I can point you to resources that you might want to read or think about reading. I can give my opinion, but only if you ask for it.

So, I am here to help. Let me know what I can do. I can listen and ask questions, maybe to see if there is a way to look at things and "reframe " them so they are not so impactful to you.

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Old 05-20-19, 01:28 AM   #5
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I think suicidal ideation is merely hypothetical because you're still here, getting up, eating, drinking, working, etc. The body decides. Just try to accept life as it is. Sorry you're feeling bad. Hope that helps.
High hopes faint on a warm hearth stone; she travels the fastest who travels alone.
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