Despite the fact that I have spent many hours today contemplating and planning suicide, and the feeling that I really want to end it, I keep on living...But why?

I think we're all here for a reason. That reason isn't readily apparent for most of us, but there is one. Some people live their entire lives never knowing if they did what they came here for, if they finished their work, but by enduring day by day, and year by year, they give themselves more chances to remember why they were born.

Some people say that near-death experiences are hallucinations caused by the firing of dying neurons in the brain...but the evidence suggests a more amazing truth. There are thousands of people, millions might be more realistic since these experiences have been recorded since ancient times (Plato's recounting of the experience of the soldier Er, which was told to him by Socrates who knew the soldier), who have died only to come back and tell of how 'beings of light' showed them their entire lives and the effects of all their actions (including suicide, in those cases) on their loved ones; the main message is that each and every action counts and that there's no easy way to magically solve all one's problems.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm sermonizing because I'm just relating why I haven't done the deed. I'm not trying to convince anyone or whatever. I wrote this all in a mix of third/second person because it's easier for me to write it like that than to write it in first person.

BRAVO! You are brilliant and brave to keep pushing along. I attempted many times but because of my OCD I tried to do it in a way that no one would have to clean up after me. Luckily I never succeeded and never had any lasting medical affects (besides the emotional ones). I now know that I was put here to help others as much as possible.

That's beautiful! I'm glad you've found your reason for being here. I'm still looking for mine, but one day I hope to be able to say the same. That I know I'm here to spread love.

thank you for the wonderful sentiment, Thoth! And thank you for posting these thoughts. I'm sure that others might find them helpful.
*hug*

I likewise refrain from suicide because from what I read on reincarnation(Michael Newton,Dolores Cannon,Ian Stevenson etc.) you will be sent back and go through all of that pain all over again.I personally think that there is more in this world than our five senses can perceive.I would suggest that if you have the monetary possibilities you could go to a licensed hypnotherapist who specialises in past life regression.I'l guarantee that you will leave the therapist's office with a more clearer understanding of the world and your purpose in it!

Interesting points Thoth, I'll just add that I have also found much motivation in sticking around this planet and continuing to mingle with organisms of various types due to the near-death experiences to which I have read. Having had three out-of-body experiences myself, I know that these things are more than neurons firing and dreams.

I definitely have been wanting to do just that! But I just haven't found the right time to do it, if that makes sense. I've been thinking about that a lot more recently because there must be some reason having to do with past lives that for the events in this one. It could make this learning experience much less confusing.