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This is a discussion on Reason within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I dont know why i am posting this... I feel genuinly bad, crushed, lonely, sad, name any bad feeling i ...

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Old 08-22-14, 09:07 AM   #1
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I dont know why i am posting this...

I feel genuinly bad, crushed, lonely, sad, name any bad feeling i am feeling that way right now. I dont think i can live in this world anymore, i feel like i am misfit, forever hated or invisible. I am trying to motivate myself, but it isnt working. Nothing seems to work.... All my goals seem pointless or too far or i feel like i wont accomplish them. I am trying to find the reason to live, coz right now i am drowning in my tears, i feel like world wants me dead, i am just unneeded burden to the world. I...just... i am pathetic
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Old 08-22-14, 09:19 AM   #2
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I'm so sorry, nsd. Don't feel that way. Your goals and dreams aren't pointless and they certainly are achievable no matter what they are. Don't give up on yourself. You have so much to offer, you're a fantastic person. You've brightened my day many many times as I'm sure you have for a lot of others here. Your soul is kind and genuine and the world needs more people like you in it for sure. I wish I could be more helpful
I'm holding your hand right now...just like you have for me when I needed it.
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Old 08-22-14, 09:47 AM   #3
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Thanl you, your support means a lot, . I am just feeling really bad today, i dont feel like giving up on myself, but i dont feel like fighing either. Its like i am slowly giving up, i am trying to find a reason a motive to continue fighting, but cant seem to find it. I truly hope this is just one of my episodes where i feel suicidal and not my normal point of view... :(
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Old 08-22-14, 10:42 AM   #4
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1) I don't think you're a misfit. Why would you be a misfit? You seem normal. You seem to have nothing to hide , which is very helpful in making connections with people.

2) What's wrong with being invisible? Aren't we all? Would rather be in the hot seat?

What about the meditation you suggested to someone else? "He who treads softly, travel peacefully, and for a long time." Or when you told someone "baby steps?"

I wouldn't try to fight per se, that sounds over the top. Just take it easy.
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Old 08-22-14, 11:53 AM   #5
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I do have things that i hide, actually a thing, my misery. Being forced to be happy for other people so i would have a chance of befriending them is exhausting for my soul. And if my sad side is spotted it would be either:
1) People wouldnt care.
2) People would feel sorry for me, although they dont give a f**k about me, and i dont want that false feeling of being loved.

I am just continuously in circle of my misery, and it seems that i cant exit it no matter what.

Tried meditation, didnt work for me sadly. :(

I guess i will keep trying, but i seriously dont see any reason to try. :(
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Old 08-22-14, 12:14 PM   #6
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I can relate completely with just about everything you wrote.

I hide a lot from people. I pretend to funny for the sake of others. People that don't care, are most likely now wort your(our) time anyway. Yet, we still want their friendship in some way.

It really is an endless circle, I'll admit that myself. I just restrain, and don't tell people what I'm really thinking. I feel deep sadness, and emptiness most of the time. And this coming from a self professed loner. A lonely loner at that...I know.

Meditation hasn't worked all that well for me. You know, I was reading something from another member here today, about talking to yourself. She seems to feel, its ok. Could you do that? Would that help you, or make you worse?

Please keep fighting. You might not change completely. It might be in your nature (like myself), to be the joke man, even when you are really truly sad. I was you that told me, if you smile enough (even if faked) you body will eventually start to go along with it.

Unless, I misunderstood that part - wouldn't be the first time.
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Last edited by Gene Poule; 08-22-14 at 12:17 PM. Reason: corrections
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Old 08-22-14, 12:38 PM   #7
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I find that meditation doesn't work for me either.

I'm starting to think I have no good reason to be a loner either. I'm with nsd that the vast majority of people are nice. Why would only the people I know be nice? Strange coincidence. What the difference between the public I assist while I work and the public I see once I'm not working? Why would only this website be filled with kind spirits? Also loners have no life. Who wants to stay home all the time. The only value thing I see in the whole loner thing is that it helps you save money. I'm still afraid of people prying, like about my strict diet and trying to 'fix" me, but that's once to get to know them. I already have close friends who accept me not to mention family and this community. So when it comes to meeting new people, I'll play it straight.

As for the pain of the voices, I came up with some mantras and I'm turning back to sex. I think it's hella fun and I think it will make me happy. No more ruined weekends!! I just have to be fiercely private.
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Old 08-22-14, 12:42 PM   #8
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As for you, nobody can make you happy. Happiness comes from the inside out. If you're in a state of misery, then I would work on that first before seeking happy, stable friends or relationships. It's nice to have someone to confide in, but you don't want to be a burden.

Can you join a support group and meet people there?
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Old 08-22-14, 12:58 PM   #9
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Best of luck then, with whatever will bring you the peace you desire.
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Old 08-22-14, 01:14 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gene Poule View Post
Best of luck then, with whatever will bring you the peace you desire.
Were you talking to me or nsd?
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