Really Bad Thoughts
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Really Bad Thoughts

This is a discussion on Really Bad Thoughts within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I haven't posted on here in a while, and the mass amounts of thoughts of suicide went away for a ...

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Old 05-06-11, 01:48 AM   #1
Zim
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I haven't posted on here in a while, and the mass amounts of thoughts of suicide went away for a little bit and I'd only think about it a few times every week. Now I'm heavily thinking about it even more than before. I believe I am bi-polar, but I use a lot of logic to help me better stabilize my emotions in public and around people, but today I broke down. I cried for the first time in a long time (It takes a lot for me to cry) and I can't shake the thought of me finally doing it. I have it my head that I have already sold my soul to the devil and that I'm going to hell so I keep talking my self into doing it already. I am really depressed again and don't know why, other than having girlfriend problems, but that's not a gigantic deal. I am super confused :'(!!! And I know I'm being a whiny little b**ch, but this is the only place where I can let this out at, I can't talk to anyone I know about this because I want to keep it a secret and make sure no one knows. As far as they are concerned, I'm this happy kid who's always smiling and occasionally gets upset about normal things, but now it's back to insomnia :/. I'm sorry for the long rant too D:!
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Old 05-06-11, 05:28 AM   #2
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Zim:

Thanks for your post. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry to hear that you having heavy thoughts of taking your life. I know where you are coming from: the same thing happens to me. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Please use this site to vent as well as that helps as well. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hope things GET better for you, I really do.

Hugs to you Zim.

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Old 05-06-11, 08:44 PM   #3
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Thank you, steven :: I really appreciate it! I'm trying to look at things in an optimistic way, but it seems like this depression cloud is smothering me D:! Thank you for taking time out of your day to post, it made me feel a little better :)!
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Old 05-06-11, 08:57 PM   #4
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hi hun would be good if u got professional help.. even more if u think ur bipolar...
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Old 05-07-11, 02:15 PM   #5
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You are welcome. I want to be here for you. I will listen and help where I can. Steven
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Old 05-07-11, 09:22 PM   #6
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hey Zim, sorry you are feeling so horrible. sometimes i think about it as well, but i want you to hang in there and not give in. take a peak over the edge if you have to, but don't throw yourself in so to speak. you have a lot to live for and at your age a lot to look forward to rather than nothing at all. hang in there.
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Old 05-08-11, 05:48 AM   #7
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Thank you steve, and thank you dax. And wtf, I would get professional help, but I can't let anyone in my family know about this. It's too embarrassing to me. I appreciate everyones comments though!
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Old 05-08-11, 09:59 AM   #8
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Thanks Zim, It feels good to know that you are not alone in thinking this way, I have these thoughts as well and mostly for the same reasons, soul,devil,Ya know. I'm curious do you plan things in your head, for me it has been going on so long that The thoughts come without any particular problem happening, just unhappy with my perception of the world, med.helps a bit but like a computer program running in the background it's allways there.Anyway the point is I'm still here and somewhat glad about that,hang in there, and DO NOT be embarrased by this, it is not your fault, comes down to how we are wired. Talk to a mental health professional, Hey, A thousand celebrities can't be wrong!!!LOL
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Old 05-08-11, 11:20 AM   #9
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hopeful 1, I do plan things out in my head, very detailed too. And it has been going on since I can remember. The first time I attempted was when I was 7 years old with a knife to my throat over some legos... And I just really hate feeling this way (Who wouldn't?) and am not understanding at all of why I do feel this way. I have been unhappy for my whole life and things have gone on in my life that have progressively made it worse. Two years ago I found out my mother had lied to me about who my biological father was. He found me on myspace and now I have 4 siblings that I didn't know about. He's now locked up in prison and getting 25 to life for attempted murder while being high on meth as of two months ago. I just dumped my girlfriend and fear it was the worst decision I have ever made. I have been waking up every 5 minutes crying from the dreams I had about her. If you are still on, would you care to go into the chat room with me? And I appreciate your help, I might go see a doctor soon, but I need to find a ride to one.
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Old 05-12-11, 09:58 PM   #10
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hi mate first off if you think your bi poler you shud go to you gp there is nuffing to be enbarised about my girlfriend is bi polar and sins she was diognosed and is takeing medication she fells alot better she yousd to break down over the smallest fing and she tryed to hide it because she was enbarisd it took alot to get her to go to gp but once she did and got proper medication she is doing alot better she has her bad days but they are rare now she fort the same and fort people would not under stand she even fort id leave her but once she realise that was not the case and got help shes like a diffrent person honestly you family will understand an will be glad that you confide in then i wish u luck and hope you can work thru this p.s sorry bout the spelling
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