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Old 04-29-18, 03:40 AM   #1
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Please help me. I am a mom of almost two (first is 15 months and the second due in autumn) and think of leaving everyone behind every day. Something tells me my kid will be fine without me. Therapy has helped, but who wants to be dependent on that kind of help? Sorry. It makes me feel bad thinking that others log on here looking for support and empathy and all they find is other people's bellyaching. Maybe I should just shut up and get on with it.
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Old 04-29-18, 05:31 AM   #2
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It's not bellyaching. Please don't make any plans. You shouldn't feel bad for going to therapy or even potentially needing medication. Maybe that's another step that you can take? Don't feel bad for taking care of yourself for yourself and your family and don't feel bad for posting here. No one is judging your feelings.
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Last edited by EmpatheticThoughts; 04-29-18 at 05:35 AM.
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Old 04-30-18, 03:50 PM   #3
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NRebecca

I am so sorry.
I understand how you feel.

Just thinking about the daily toll of another day can be exhausting, and completely disappointing before the day even starts.

You are not bellyaching.
Sometimes being able to just post your pain, grievances, worries, fears, and deep dark secret wish of dying, to others in the same position, can help.

It helps me reading others posts cause I know I am not alone. I know I am not losing my mind, or a freak of nature.

I'm just trying to figure out how to hang the heck on, like you.

When days are hopeless, darkest; post - it may help someone else and you are never aware.
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Old 05-01-18, 12:21 AM   #4
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Hello NRebeccaS.

I understand a little of what you feel. I really wish I could help you but I want to be honest with you:
I can't.
The strength to decide for or against a suicide must come from the person itself. There is no other way. The fact that your post is called "please help me" tells me that there is 2 possibilities:
1. You are asking for some "excuse" or "guide line" for what to do with your children after your death.
or 2. You want to be helped with changing your mind on commiting suicide.

I honestly can't differ which one you were asking for that's why I will talk about both of them:
@1: Leaving your children behind may seem not really bad at all. There are lots of people who wish they could adopt a baby especially one as young as yours, right? But think of it my way for just one second: "What if? " Like...what if you kill yourself and (since you cannot control the situation any longer) your children will come to a nice looking couple that turns out to be sadistic molesters? It's possible after all... So that concludes: You are the best mommy they can possibly have. Because you know you are better than that worst case situation I just mentioned.
@2: I have been through a lot during my short life. Believe me.. Your mind can not even imagine the things I've seen, been victim of of have done myself. And to me you appear like you probably had post natale depressions. Did you have yourself checked on that? When did your depressions start? Was it shortly after the birth of your first child? The often come slowly... like shadows that a thickening in an edge of your soul. Was it something like that?
Medications might work. Sure, I agree with 20Something there. But I wouldn't call it a final solution.
Melonie mentioned that it might help just to post your problems and thoughts here. I agree with that also, allthough I personally don't feel any relief from sharing my thoughts with other people. (I have an IQ of 159 and it's usually hard for me to find people who can keep up with my thoughts instead of misunderstanding them... I am not much of a small talk person it seems ).
But I hope it gives other people some relief to see they're not alone with their problems and not the only people suffering in this world.

I recommend nothing to you. As I said: You need to find the will to survive and once you've found it you need to use it. On you its an active force not (like commonly) a passive one. If you want to cling on to life (which at least your children might appreciate when they're older) you need to use your "will to survive". But wheter you should do it or not... I leave unsaid since I do not have the right to tell you what to do with your life.
I dont want to put you under pressure and cause you to life a life in suffering. On the other hand I don't want to support your suicidal thought. You see, I am in between a rock and a hard place there.
I hope you don't rush your decision. Take your time - as long as you still do so - in order to come to a satisfying solution ;)

Last edited by ScarNoir; 05-01-18 at 12:24 AM.
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Old 05-13-18, 07:14 AM   #5
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"Therapy has helped, but who wants to be dependent on that kind of help?"

Therapy only truley helps if you are willing to help yourself. YES it's good to have someone to talk to that you are conformable with but like a therapist once told me 99% of it has to come from me, i have to be willing to change stuff in order to beat my depression.

In essence therapy is just a way to help pick you back up and offer suggestions on how to tackle the problems in your life instead of letting your problems knock you down non-stop.
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