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Please help.

This is a discussion on Please help. within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; **Sry for my grammar, eng isn't my native lang** I suffer from extremely depression and considering about suicide for months. ...

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Old 09-13-17, 05:17 AM   #1
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Exclamation Please help.

**Sry for my grammar, eng isn't my native lang**

I suffer from extremely depression and considering about suicide for months. In fact I did it when I was 15 but didn't success and no one even know about it. Now I'm 26 single and ugly and I never had any lovers in my life. Everyone alway mock about my ugly face, I'm the youngest in family but people alway guess that I'm the oldest, even older than my 9 years older sister. Even my family think that I'm ugly cause they are mocking about it too. And yes, I'm gay.

I feel useless every single day and I have no friends to talk to. I rarely talk to people cause I feel nervous or ashamed when they look at me so I think it is better to stay alone. This feeling is getting deeper since I couldn't eat much lately and also I never go outside without facial cover for months cause I don't want anyone to see my face. Better let them think that I have some fever.

The point is I'm very okay to die.I have nightmare 7 times per week and I alway wish that I would never wake again each morning. I don't have anything to regret and no one would feel that way too, believe me.

Please skip those inspiration quotes. I never want my life to be better cause I know it wouldn't. I've tried.

Thanks for reading this.
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Old 09-13-17, 08:47 AM   #2
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Welcome Jwint.

Inspirational quotes? Don't do them my friend. I talk random and whatever comes to me at the time, and hopefully in relation to what you have said

To begin with, have you seen a medical professional about all this? The social anxiety, the ways in which you view yourself and your confidence? Do you work? I have depression and other issues for nearly 30 years now, and only recently looked for help. It's true that some parts I have felt have done nothing for me (I cannot get along with just any person), but others yes - one great psychiatrist that listens well, and medications to help with my mood swings and the rest of my diagnosis.

Your age and sexuality are not important (I'm 37 and bisexual). What is important right now is that you look after your health and get that back on the right track. See somebody about it, get help. It can be one step at a time, but mental health can take a long time to heal (my guess for me it's life).

Please know that you are not alone, and here you can find people that understand with different issues and experiences of their own. None of us are perfect, and social anxieties are a bitch to deal with, but while you feel alone in person there, know that here you can be open and talk (anonymously) and have support.

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Old 09-13-17, 09:08 AM   #3
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Thanks for your reply. I never consider about seeing therapist or doctor. Like I said, I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone face to face, even my family. I prefer to stay alone not because I like it but I feel desperate when someone stare at me.

Good news is I work at home so I don't have to deal with uncomfortable situation. But I still feel that my life is the excess of this society.
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Old 09-13-17, 09:57 AM   #4
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Hi there,

I hate people too, I hate social situations. I hate phones but I have to use them at work.

Every psychologist I saw left me feeling worse than when I went into their office. And I mean that seriously, I felt so, so bad. Because I really cannot do people, THERAPISTS ARE NOT FOR ME.

I thought I would try medications to help with my problems, which is why a psychiatrist and not a psychologist. A recommendation for this person, he was so much better than any psychologist, listened and asked the right questions, didn't seem like a fucking book, and has given me some direction to my life - he knows my problems with my partner and children are tearing me apart.

On thing I can say, it is never comfortable. I prefer to be alone too. But it is necessary if you want to make a change to your life. And if you are here, I guess you do. I can listen to you all day if you need it, but I'll have problems with my work. So you do need to make the first steps, and try to find the right person to work with over all.
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Old 09-13-17, 11:50 AM   #5
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I don't like people either.
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Old 09-13-17, 08:26 PM   #6
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I don't even like myself too.. T_T
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Old 09-14-17, 11:51 PM   #7
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I don't like people either. I have to admit I feel more comfortable when I am on my own and don't have to communicate with anyone. Probably social disorder but for me it is bliss to be in solitude. Jwint, you have at least the luxuary to work from home, this must be bliss, I feel very jealous. Being gay is nowadays not a shame or a curse anymore (or at least it should not be) and even I - with my somewhat oldfashioned views - consider it as normal.
By the way, I suffer from nightmares too. I don't know what they mean, most of the time I can't even remember but I know I have them.
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Old 09-15-17, 10:56 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enddays View Post
I don't like people either. I have to admit I feel more comfortable when I am on my own and don't have to communicate with anyone. Probably social disorder but for me it is bliss to be in solitude. Jwint, you have at least the luxuary to work from home, this must be bliss, I feel very jealous. Being gay is nowadays not a shame or a curse anymore (or at least it should not be) and even I - with my somewhat oldfashioned views - consider it as normal.
By the way, I suffer from nightmares too. I don't know what they mean, most of the time I can't even remember but I know I have them.
Having nightmare everyday is horrible. Everyday I wake up with tears and it is getting worse lately. During the day I feel exhausted and don't wanna get out of bed. I don't feel ashamed for being gay and I never cry about it but for most of my friends after they have known it they are trying to make fun of me. They humiliated me by saying something I considered as sexual harassment in public, they want me to feel bad or they simply just wanna give themselves some entertainment. This is why I don't have any friends. I grew up in society which rarely has gay people. Beside me, I never see anyone else.

Apart of gay topic, I just feel tired of everything. I never had lover in my life (I'm virgin for 26 yrs now), no friends, nothing to live for. Even not important to my family. Suicidal is not what I want to grab attention but it simply just my only hope for happiness. I'm not cry for death, I embrace it. Every night my only wish is not to wake next morning.
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