Thanks sadeyedlady and GraceloveandADD, I wasn't trying to set myself on fire, that would be awful. Would it be okay to tell my therapist that I have suicidal thoughts but don't have a plan for killing myself? Because I do not want my parents finding out that I'm suicidal, I'd much rather suffer in silence than have them find that out.

Yes, just make sure you say you'd never do it, it would be scary, but you just don't want to exist or live... You could mention, how do people who don't want to get reported get help about suicide?

See, if you are really at risk for killing yourself this is the most serious it gets. That's why they pull out all the stops for suicide. there is no going back and everyone is left with regrets and never recover fully. It's the worst thing. Maybe call a hotline if you're really actually considering it...

Your post made me cry as I read it almost like I typed it myself... Just know you are not alone when it comes to monstrous thoughts I have many and never had the strength to admit it to anyone.... Don't know if it matters to you or not but I want you to know it helped me to read it.. Thanks for posting

I was very hesitant to share this as you can imagine, I thought I was some sort of freak, it's good to know I'm not alone (sort of). I'm sorry you have to go through the same thing.

GraceloveandADD, when I get suicidal I sometimes call suicide hotlines but I always hang up before anyone answers, I'm not sure why. In past suicide attempts I've tried to make it look like an accident so my family won't know I killed myself.

Hey dizzy if you get online please let us know how ur doing today

Thanks WE. I've been sick all day, so that's taken my mind off being sad a little. I wouldn't say I feel better though, just being nauseas has distracted me.