So after many years of depression and feeling worthless, like a nameless character in my own life story, I'm finally empty. There is no more pleasure in anything. Food, sleep, sexuality, is all just function. I look back on the last 18 years since I first reached adulthood and realized that much like childhood and adolescence I have hated the entire experience other than about 3 months of it. I look ahead to the next 20, 30 years and have decided that I don't want it and after my stepkids turn 18 have no reason to continue. Fun doesn't exist. Pleasure doesn't exist. Just waiting to get paid so I can pay another bill, sleep, work, repeat. Everything is boring, annoying, or frustrating. That's all I feel anymore. I have a date set after the kids are of age, I'll be 38, and to me that's 38 years too many. It's almost time to power this robot down.

when did you start feeling like this?

I feel the same way. Even though our circumstances are totally different, I can relate to your feelings. But you seem to have some things going for you nonetheless. Have you ever considered therapy? Because a substantial part of normal life will be predictable and boring anyway...so maybe counseling will help you.