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Only for my mom

This is a discussion on Only for my mom within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I can’t go any further. I only don’t do it because of my mother, but I feel the illness is ...

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Old 04-21-18, 03:39 AM   #1
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Default Only for my mom

I can’t go any further. I only don’t do it because of my mother, but I feel the illness is pushing me to. I feel my life has come to an end, whether I live or die but it is over. Everyone has abandoned me, no friends, no family except my mom. Only my mother wants me alive. I have not responded to treatment or therapy in 7 months. I have lost all hope in everything and everyone, I have given up, I am just wasting this body away day by day. I will never be the man I once was. I want nothing more than to die.
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Old 04-21-18, 04:49 AM   #2
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I can’t go any further. I only don’t do it because of my mother, but I feel the illness is pushing me to. I feel my life has come to an end, whether I live or die but it is over. Everyone has abandoned me, no friends, no family except my mom. Only my mother wants me alive. I have not responded to treatment or therapy in 7 months. I have lost all hope in everything and everyone, I have given up, I am just wasting this body away day by day. I will never be the man I once was. I want nothing more than to die.
Just saw this message on my phone and felt moved to come to the lab and respond.

I think there's nothing wrong with your lifestyle. Perhaps you put pressure on yourself to live a normal life? Nothing wrong with being reclusive, minimalist, and relaxed. I would love to spend on day in my room doing hobbies. Maybe get on disability? That should be enough money to live on.

I think it's just your brain that's the problem. "The mind is its own place, and can make of itself a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven." -Paradise Lost. I think you can retrain your brain to think positive thoughts, like by writing a gratitude journal and thinking good things. I would compare my problems to people who have it worse. I think you can choose your thoughts and gradually reshape your outlook. But I would also take antidepressants. Hope that helps.
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Old 04-21-18, 05:12 PM   #3
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I can’t go any further. I only don’t do it because of my mother, but I feel the illness is pushing me to. I feel my life has come to an end, whether I live or die but it is over. Everyone has abandoned me, no friends, no family except my mom. Only my mother wants me alive. I have not responded to treatment or therapy in 7 months. I have lost all hope in everything and everyone, I have given up, I am just wasting this body away day by day. I will never be the man I once was. I want nothing more than to die.
This is uncanny. It is like I am reading one of my own posts. My situation is similar to yours and I have the same thoughts and feelings. I had chances and opportunities in life: everything gone. I can never go back to the way it was, i can never go back and try again.

I feel your pain 100%. You are not alone.
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Old 04-22-18, 04:44 PM   #4
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Just saw this message on my phone and felt moved to come to the lab and respond.

I think there's nothing wrong with your lifestyle. Perhaps you put pressure on yourself to live a normal life? Nothing wrong with being reclusive, minimalist, and relaxed. I would love to spend on day in my room doing hobbies. Maybe get on disability? That should be enough money to live on.

I think it's just your brain that's the problem. "The mind is its own place, and can make of itself a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven." -Paradise Lost. I think you can retrain your brain to think positive thoughts, like by writing a gratitude journal and thinking good things. I would compare my problems to people who have it worse. I think you can choose your thoughts and gradually reshape your outlook. But I would also take antidepressants. Hope that helps.
Thanks for responding.

My therapist said to not only have no expectations of other people and situations but also to have no expectations of myself. I guess he means to try and be less hard on myself and the pressure for me to feel or do the things I used to do when I was more stable, knowing that I might never be that man again really doesn't sit well with me, but that is an expectation, and some form of acceptance could help, even though I feel like things are only going to get worse little by little so what I might try to accept now, might get worse to a new level of misery where I will have to keep on accepting things that I am not prepared for, I don't know for how long I can do that or if I can sustain that much pain and misery, i will eventually reach my limit.

I could try and get on disability, I am already on medicaid and food stamps, which really help. I do keep a journal but I doubt if it helps. It is very hard for me to feel good or positive about anything, but I do try and think about the things I am thankful for. And my faith and spiritual outlook helps me make sense on the general outlook of life and make meaning out of everything, it does help sometimes.
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Old 04-22-18, 04:46 PM   #5
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This is uncanny. It is like I am reading one of my own posts. My situation is similar to yours and I have the same thoughts and feelings. I had chances and opportunities in life: everything gone. I can never go back to the way it was, i can never go back and try again.

I feel your pain 100%. You are not alone.
I hope things get better for you somehow, I know how hard it is, and that you are going through difficult things, so we can relate to each other. Thank you for sharing, good to hear from you.
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Old 04-25-18, 02:35 PM   #6
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I feel your pain 100%. You are not alone.
That's for sure.

They banned the subreddit forum I was on and I just hate starting over in a new place, been putting it off. They don't realize how many people they left high and dry who felt they had friends there. I wonder if anyone has killed themselves yet over it. Sometimes people who think they are doing the right thing only hurt others more.
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Old 04-25-18, 04:29 PM   #7
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Sometimes people who think they are doing the right thing only hurt others more.
I agree. That's why I don't give unsolicited advice. People pressure me to do the opposite of my value system like become a teacher when I'm avoidant/silent. It just triggers anxiety/voices and would make me an inferior version of them.
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Old 04-26-18, 06:45 AM   #8
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Hello my friend,

You wrote '' I will never be the man I once was''. So you suggest that Once and somehow in your life you achieved to be the man you really wanted. That's huge! Please remember that if you manage to achieve to be the man your really wanted in your life before, why not to achieve it again? I mean you have an an example, even better a personal example that you can be the man that you want! Just you need to try harder and harder and you will win that status again! If you achieved it once, why not to achieve it again since is plausible??
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Old 04-27-18, 02:08 PM   #9
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I know this exact feel dude
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