I've recently been feeling really fucked. It's like I'm experiencing life through a window and that I'm not a part of my body, like I'm detached from it. Earlier in my life I felt it slightly, but never this intense. It's like I'm competely out of it. It makes me awkward, full of anxiety and heavily depressed. It feels so weird being human. I feel like I should be apart of an AI rather than a human body. My memory is getting very bad too which is very scary. I thought it might be from taking some shrooms a while back and just hppd, but then I realised I've been experiencing minor symptoms of whatever this is my whole life. I told my parents I need help and all they did was call another stupid ass doctor that put me on a wait list of another 3 months to talk in a room with other depressed people. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES I HAVE TO SAY IT'S MORE THAN JUST DEPRESSION. I think it might be depersonilzation disorder or something which could have been triggered from shrooms and all the weed I used to smoke, but would that account for memory loss? Or not really memory loss...but like its harder to remember things. I also get confused really easy. All I know about this whole thing for sure is that I can't keep living like this. If i dont get help by the end of next month I'm killing myself, end of story. Also, being diagnosed with whatevers wrong with me isn't just going to make it go away, ts pointless. I've ended up pushing my real friends away and now even my fake friends, because I have to much anxiety to even talk to anyone at all. You can say whatever you want, telling me there is help and life is just hard but I have to push threw...but do I? Shouldn't I be able to choose when I want to stop this nightmare? The only thing that's stopping me is how sad my family will be. What do I do??????????????